Conflict is a hard one for all of us. As far as the he said she said thing. I learned for me, always talk to the person, not about the person. For that conversation I would want A there to say how he felt.

Even the Bible tells us to always go to the person first.

As far as saying my husband is an alcoholic, many, many if not most people consider that a bad thing, like he is a low life who lays around in gutters and slobbers all over himself. huh?

To some it is as bad as using the word *****. Where many people of color use it themselves, it also is mostly taken as a very bad way to put down a person of color.

Even I don't like the word alcoholic. I do honestly mostly say addict. Because being an alcoholic is only one kind of addiction. I might say well he or she is allergic to alcohol. No different than I am allergic to anti biotics and or wheat.

I would often say well my AH has the disease of addiction. They would of course wonder what made me stay with him. His disease did not bother me, it was the behavior the disease caused him to have that was hurtful. I was not going to leave becuz he was A.

Anyway of course you feel bad. Maybe you feel you were being unloyal to your husband by saying he was an A to her. Then  you may feel hurt she would say that to him and be disloyal to you! The saying your son was hurt by her all those years then to say well no wonder he would not say much to her. In reality he is a teenager and it is his job to hate all of us, be quiet and wander around like we are less than dirt! lol lol

To me it sounds like you and sis and huband need to go for a drive and have a picnic and just talk. Sounds like you guys are not feeling loved by each other. To have good relationships we need to do things with each other. It's not his underwear in the hall, its not how he squeezes the t paste then leaves it on the counter, its not he forgot to bring home the cinnamon when ya just called him.......it may be you do not feel listened to, you do not feel you are taken seriously or appreciated or again loved.

I do know when i love someone, and they love me, I can forgive them of everything. My neighbors behind me alley between us, nice nieghborhood, always had music on. kids, then i was gardening and tomatoes were being throw over their fence into my yard! lol I would just tell the idiots to turn down their music, they were throwing the tomatoes over for my pet pig! Their son shot a beebee thru my sunroom window!. BUT mom left them, thelittle girl would come over with her arms and head on my fence so sad and talk to me, the other girl was almost having to be the mom. Their cat got very sick and they came to me. So we went to the vet. The son, well he was an older teen but he would help me anytime. I loved them, they loved me so all the other bs just did not matter.

Believe me, find the love, and none of the other bs won't matter. could have said geez sis he is a teen ager, he is like that to us all the time! or gads sis what made you tell him THAT???? dipstick. We all in my opinion, that is worth about minus ten cents, need to lighten up. My grampa was the best at that! Some one may have griped at him about their kids getting into everything, not putting anything back blahblah, he might say, well at least you were not showing them the rat under the shed that backed up and sprayed them all including yourself.....then had to go tell grama!

Its all in the attitude, its all about love. hugs honey