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Good Morning everyone, beautiful day in southern ontario. I want to talk about some insecurity I have. It seems like every time the weekend roles around I get a strong sense of dread. A sense of 'uggghh here we go again. More lonely days sitting by myself running errands, with nothing to do.It's funny because last weekend was a long weekend and I thought the world was out having a blast. Yet when I asked, all their weekends sounded quite boring and routine. I prefer the week! Hahaha I enjoy going to work, going to meetings, sports etc. Is this just me?
Jim, there are sports teams that meet specifically on the weekends - softball - biking groups - running groups. I think I would feel similar to you if I didn't have plans sometimes.
Hi, SJ: I'm with PC on this one - making plans ahead of time for your weekend. As far as the sense of dread, well, I can't help but wonder if this comes from something while you were growing up that you might want to talk over with your counselor? Could be weekends were horrendous for you and its time to look at those times with somebody who is trained to deal with it? Just wondering.
Hi Jim: I can relate well to your post. I have had this going on for sometime. For me I have come to realize that it is part of my overall attitude "I am different/deficient and everyone else is out having fun but me." It has been super hard for me to get out of this and I have had to force myself to make plans as the others are suggesting. I have realized that it has been kind of second nature for me to assume that everyone else has it together (or are part of a couple, etc.) and before I know it I am lost in that no end line of thought (my old pattern of feeling bad for myself and thereby distracting myself from getting into action). What I have also found is that it has been a delusion on my part to assume "everyone else" is out there having fun, is connected with a loving partner, etc. I have had to force myself to get out of some old thinking patterns and not make that assumption. Hope this helps. You are not alone!
Jim, I lived that way for a very, very long time. I was always overjoyed when Monday morning rolled around and I could get out from under the stress and negativity and awfulness of the weekend. ((HUGS))
I totally agree that there are ways you can make your weekends easier, and you should absolutely look into those. But also, just know that it is TOTALLY NORMAL for you to hate the weekends after the hell you've been living. It's OK to hate them. It's OK to fear them. Acknowledge that, work on it, and try to make it better for yourself.
I have had a taste of this loneliness in the past year. I have always had a boyfriend/husband. I agree with you that weekends are the hardest. This past 4th of July was brutal. Even though I have friends and family that will include me, I felt so alone. I would get on facebook and it seemed that everyone was at a cookout or pool party. I try to tell myself that the people who are sitting at home don't make fb posts about it unless they are happy about it but I'm trying to make plans now instead of being my normal, spontaneous, don't make plans self. I understand how you feel and I believe things change and it won't be this way forever.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
I feel like this, but I'm married, does that count? My AH has never really been interested in cookouts or pool parties. He stopped coming to watch fireworks with us many years ago. He doesn't help put up the Christmas decorations, he turns down my invitations to events or the movies, etc. I have felt like I was single for YEARS and was always jealous of the Facebook crap that people put up while I was sitting at home trying to 'create' a fun time for the three of us. It's hard to create 'fun' when your spouse just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV all day.
Many weekends I spend watching my son play tennis at tournaments. I keep wondering: what happens when he turns 19 and can't play these tournaments anymore or what happens when he goes to college? What do I do then? I totally understand. Have you thought about finding a part time job for the weekends? Volunteer work? Cycling clubs or tennis or golf? I play tennis and have trouble finding someone to hit with on the weekends. I also find that getting a pedicure is a nice way to kill an hour, would that appeal to the man in you, LOL?
As Stephanie said: It's OK to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Do whatever you need to do FOR YOU! Sending you support!
I still struggle with the very same thoughts and feelings you expressed. Not all the time, quite a bit less than I once was, but far more often than I care to admit.
Any time I match my insides to someone else outsides, I seem to be missing out on something that I want for myself so badly. This did not start to change until I got honest with myself and told on myself (starting right here on this board rather recently)... that I spent a great amount of time hiding the truth and pretending all was good with me, when on the inside I was really an absolute mess, lonely and hurting at a pretty deep level. Even suffering from daily anxiety attacks. I camouflaged or disguised my truth by always looking active, always in the mix of those having fun, coming up with things to do that made me appear so free flowing, easy going, spontaneous, as though I had it so together, a truly carefree spirit and appearing so content with life and myself.
Today I may get hit with a tinge of jealousy when I see those about me and all I can see is all the joy and happiness they seem to possess. However, today I remind myself... "how do I know that they, or at least some of them are not doing exactly the same thing I use to do... pretend all is good, when they are really tore up from the floor up, needing a check up from the neck up?" "How do I know there isn't a very lonely person, or a broken heart in that crowd?" "How do I know that one of them is not at home, because it has become a prison, locked in the bondage of a unhealthy alcoholic relationship and they are just trying to steal a moment of happiness to keep the breath of life in them?" "How do I know that their smile, is simply a nice facial expression that does not really resonate through their whole being?"
Today, I will not compare my insides to someone else's outsides. I will own my reality, my truth, and try to remember that I am not unique, and thus I am not alone. That other people go through life experiences, just like I do, and are going through an internal struggle just as I have and still do from time to time. Instead of throwing negative thoughts and feelings at myself, I will throw positive energy, healthy thoughts and feelings towards them and let it bounce back to me so I can embrace and enjoy the moment, let go of judgmentalness and not get myself imprisoned by the bondage of self. I NEVER got out of a depressive moment by thinking of everything that is wrong with me or my life! I will keep the key to my freedom and that key is gratitude, even when all I can find to have it for is the simple things that I often take for granted... like running water. Today, I might not be the greatest thing since sliced bread was created, but at least I can take a nice shower, do my laundry, and run a dishwasher, because I have running water. There is always something I can attach a sense of true gratitude towards. Life is good in so many ways, at so many levels and I will try to remember that when I start to feel or think I have it so darn bad, that I am really just setting the stage for self imprisonment. LOCKED IN "Me". I will step away from that, by turning the M in Me upside down and join the "We" of being another member of the human race.
Take some time to do something small to start with. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop and with my Samsung tablet or my laptop, just read something, greet and/or nod at others, acknowledging they are around me as they come and go, which in turn results in them returning that acknowledgement to me. Before I knew it, I wasn't sitting there wondering if I was actually invisible to those in the world around me and I have also met a few new friends.
Hang on, and Let go... Hang on to the idea that time and recovery will bring about much needed change in yourself, and let go and let God be the designer of that change.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Aloha Jim...my first mental reaction to your post was "projecting the future" which I use to do because of my habitual choices and attitudes. I was convinced of negative outcomes before even taking on positive attitudes and having positive plans. Changing is hard to do however it is soooo necessary or I remain Stuck!! and thinking of that into the future just is sick. Stay in Thursday. Look for different, fun stuff to try before the week end comes and if the weekend comes follow thru. You'll have something better to talk about Monday at work. Yay!! ((((hugs))))
