a down day - Al-Anon Family Group

sandydv · Member

a down day

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Well there are two choices.....U know him best....AND I don't give advice...no alanoner gives advice...We give our experience and our strength and our hope

When people treat me like that, I tell them first, that if that continues, I am shutting them out, not gonna talk with them and have nothing to do w/them if they want to be a jerk

OR...If this is an ongoing thing and the ledger sheet shows MORE liabilities then assets in the relationship, I EVAL, what am I staying with him for?? and in the meantime

I work my program, focus on me, minimize contact with abuser, work the steps, get a sponsor and work with her (same sex is best IMHO for sponsor work) and I go back to my family of origin work and SEE...WHY I allow people to dump on me.....is it trained??? was I cut down all the time???? was i never praised???? (I am all of the b4 mentioned) and working my program, by letting myself share and be cared for in this wonderful community, if I can build up some self respect and NOT take any more crap from anyone, than ANYone can benefit from this program

I was the poster child in codependency I mean big time...approval seeking b/c I had no sense of self worth.....that failed, so i decided to get in her...work my program and I began to change

Keep working on you and as long as he knows he can "push your buttons" hes gonna do it...Alkies and dysfunctional love that stuff.....so I would calmly tell hm that I am not going to accept that behaviour and if it continues, he can consider himself BY HIMSELF b/c I am putting serious distance....that is what I would do

take care and keep coming back...Honest....this WORKS

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

First of all if I feel stuck, I know that I am creating it. Everything comes from me.

If I'm feeling victimized, angry, self pity, any of those emotions, I know to take my index finger

and point it at ME. I get to decide who upsets me or doesnt upset me.

Don't give away your power.

You want to know how to empower yourself and be the master over yourself , Go to an Alanon meeting.

Keep on practicing, never give up.

Hugs, Bettina

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Sandy)))) another way at being stuck foir me is from a lesson my former sponsor taught me...He's gone and the lesson is still here. "When in doubt...Don't" His name was even Don T so I get to get stuck on purpose. I get stuck with doubt and then I get to wait and think and then decide on how I want the situation to come for me best. Getting stuck sometimes is a blessing. Keep coming back...Sorry for the verbal abuse...there is no justification for it...I agree and no longer do it myself. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Honey the disease makes us so sick sometimes we forget we do not have to be talked to this way. How DARE he talk to you like that and in front of your daughter.

I take issue with the world "he" drags you into. We have choices, options. NO ONE can make us do anything we don't want to do.

I would say, ok A, I will be talked to with respect. Or I will not tolerate living with you anymore. Or I will take daughter, we will go stay... or if you do not talk to me with love and respect, there is the door. NO argument. Just repeat r.rwhat you say.

there is the door, there is the door.

What would make YOU allow him to talk to you like that? It is all about you not him. What makes you stay with a man who abuses you?

I would NEVER say that to anyone! Would you? I would not even say it to an enemy. It is all up to us. What really is so wonderful about a person who talks to another like that? For some reason my ex AH knew better. He always threatened to do things to the house, barn, my truck whatever.

again how dare he talk to you like that. How come I seem madder than you sandy? hugs, debilyn

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