The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I understand! Anxiety is the biggest thing I struggle with. Last night I had a VERY long meeting for work. I told my husband I would keep him up to date on how things were progressing and when I might be home. The last response I got from him through a text was "o". The very short, brief, incomplete sentence made my heart start to beat faster and I got all panicky. I felt like I handled it better than I do sometimes. I sort of talked myself down from the ledge by reminding myself that he often takes a nap when he gets home from work and was on call for work so needed to be sober. And, sure enough! I was right. He had been napping and bit out of it. But, I can sure let me worries get the best of me. This is my biggest immediate issue. I feel like. I need to learn to not let my anxieties get the best of me. I don't like being around the stranger my husband becomes when he drinks. Thankfully, he doesn't get violent or mean or anything like that. But, he is still a stranger that I feel like I can't communicate with. So, if I think he might be drinking and I'm not around I try to remind myself that at least I don't have to be around this stranger. But, it is still hard because I do worry about his safety while he is drinking. I have also been trying to remind myself that if something DOES happen while he is drinking maybe it will be the wake up call that he needs. I did not grow up with alcoholics. This is all VERY new to me. I can not imagine how the anxiety, worry and fear wears on someone who has lived with this literally their entire lives. Sometimes it makes me physically ill or the tension just makes me physically exhausted. I hope you can find some tools to help you feel calm.
-- Edited by In The Forest on Wednesday 10th of July 2013 02:25:03 PM
I am anxious and would appreciate some calming energy. I know my worries are just my own bad habits, but why cant I shake them? There is a flutter in my chest and my mind keeps racing, foxused on what ifs. I look forward to the day when this disease ( his and mine) is not the primary focus of my attention. I really need my F2F meeting tonight.
Strangely, AH 'checked in' on facebook today from his AA meeting, and posted his status as ' I am powerless, Jesus Christ is my higher power'. This should make me calm, but it makes me nervous. He has never said anything like this before, why do this on Facebook? Was he really there, or just making it look that way? Is this just another manipulation of me, and his family? Why cant I just take this on face value and let it go?
Some days I really do feel crazy.
Having lived with the disease of alcoholism, anxiety and fear are second nature to us. I found that if I kept the focus on myself, lived in the present moment and trusted HP, I was freed up to live in Faith and not Fear. I believe that my inner voice, will reveal what I need to know before I need to act as long as I am listening. This freed me up to live with Courage Serenity and Wisdom
Anxiety is something I lived with throughout my youth. My fear and anxiety was at it's worst when I lived with my alcoholic father, trying to educate and build some sort of life for myself.
He would constantly head out to bars, coming back at all hours of the night, got arrested for dui, went to rehab, would have bar friends pick him up when saying he was going to AA. He really doesn't realize the hurt he has caused me and my sister by not addressing his issues. But as far as he is concerned we didn't have a tough life and we don't know struggling. Whatever.....Acceptance for me was the first step to relief.
Was your husband at his AA meeting? Who cares. That's up to him to figure out. I can tell you that to 'check in' somewhere on facebook you need to be near the area because your phone's gps picks up the coordinates :)
Being around an alcoholic is certainly anxiety producing. I think it is fair to say that you would be nuts if you didn't feel anxious about what they are going to do next.
In al anon we can learn a number of tools to manage that anxiety which is absolutely natural. One of them is to learn to detach. We can learn to detach on a lot of levels, sometimes it is in rage, sometimes it is resignation but most of all we can learn to detach.
Beating ourselves up about what we should, could or would do is not part of our program. Most of us have self doubts, it is perfectly natural to have doubts. I have been in this program now for 10 years and I still have to go back to learning how to detach on a regular basis. I am still very much stretched and confounded when I am around alcoholics and addicts.
I have learned to be kind to myself. Do what I need to in the moment. What do I need to do right now to take care of myself? Sometimes I would justify being anxious and obsessive in that moment and sometimes I can break off and take care of myself in a sound and calm way. Whatever way you have coped in the past is great, it got you to al anon. Now you can try out some new tools and like any new habit at first it will be clumsy and not that great. Eventually over time it gets easier but it is never seamless to deal with an alcoholic.
anxiety is practically my middle name. lol . . .that and insomnia, what if and tension headaches. i try hard to hang on to faith and let go of fear. . tofocus on me and my daughter but man, do i ever mess up! take tonight. things are calm, have actually been calm and ok for a few days but what am i. . .yup, nervous and fluttery inside. i know i should just stay in the moment and be grateful for the calm, but my habit is ANXIETY. im frustrated by it. my therapist and sponsor areboth really helpful but its amazing how anxiety and what if thinking just takes over. i think part of it is that whn i start to feel calm it feels a bit out of control and those of us who are control freaks dont do out of control well. . strange how calm can feels out if control. :'( . . .but then again, having now lived with a prob drinker for 13yrs. . life is unpredictable and out of control so when there are snippets of calm, i worry. . .what now, what next. . .its all a pretty nutty way to do life but then again, its MY life so im doing what i can and i thank all of you for being out thete. .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Nothing to add other than the fact that I'm glad you're here and sharing your experiences with us. Lots of hugs and encouragement as you work the program one day at a time - or one minute at a time if that is all you stand.
thanks grateful2be. . .your encouragement means a ton i would pm with u but have not been successful for some reason so i thank you for reaching back to me here. being on this site tonight helps. . .as hes out again. . im calm but anxious. augh. grateful to all of you
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Hi! For some reason, I've been having trouble off and on with being able to get in the chatroom and log into the message board. Might have something to do with that why you can't pm me. I'm going to pm you and see if that will be successful.
