The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Meetings generally have similar formats but they can vary. The meetings i attend start promptly at the hour indicated
We read a welcoming statement that explains what alanon is and the purpose of meetings.
We then go around the room and introduce ourselves First names only You can pass if you wish
The chairperson asks if there are any newcomers and it is at this time you can raise your hand if you choose The newcomer is welcomed and a few alanon tool suggested such as try 6 different meetings before making any decisions but if there is violence talk to someone immediately.
We then read the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions from a booklet that is passed Each one reads one and passes it
Then the format of the meeting is reviewed
Share by raising your hand
share for 3 minutes
no cross talk (no direct comment on anyone's else's share)
The topic is then introduced. Some alanon literature on the topic is read or a member speaks on the topic. Then we open the meeting to member shares
The meeting last for one hour and some are an hour and a half
There is a treasury break mid way and you can give what you can
The closing is read and then we close with the serenity prayer
I attended meetings for over a year before I said more than my name so please feel free to attend and listen and learn
Please go and tell us how it went
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 8th of July 2013 04:43:58 PM
I KNOW I need to attend a face to face meeting but I am very nervous and could use some encouragement. I have never been to one before. I am never comfortable doing new things in new places with people I don't know and that makes me nervous. Luckily the meetings are in the church I grew up going to which will be somewhat familiar and comforting. I am nervous about possibly knowing people there. I know that is silly and they will be there for the same reason as me but it still makes me feel uncomfortable. I have read anonymity is guaranteed. How is that really possible? I am also just curious about what a meeting will be like, the format etc. I have read there are different kinds of meetings but I see no indicator of what kind of meeting this is. (There is only one in my town.) Is it OK for me to just show up no matter what kind of meeting it is??
It is my husband's (and his family's) drinking that is motivating me to go to a meeting. I have wondered if it would be a good or bad idea for my husband to go. I know he has many issues due to his families drinking if he is willing to admit it to himself. I thought maybe it would be a step in the right direction if he can't see he has any drinking problems of his own to at least deal with the problems he has because of his family's drinking. I don't know if he would do it but I thought I would tell him he is welcome to join me if he wants. But, I didn't know if that would make things harder for me. Is it beneficial for a couple to attend meetings together? I am hoping you can help me find the courage I need to go to a meeting. Thank you!
I too worried about my first meeting, but after a while I felt very comfortable. It was a relief to find a group of people feeling the way that I felt (and still feel). My husband did not want me to go but I knew in my heart that I had to. The neat thing about a f2f meeting is the serenity you feel, safety, friendship and that you are not alone. I remember the first few times that I shared my thoughts/experiences I cried. It was so hard. We do not go to the meetings to bash the A's, but to get us healthy. We cannot change the A, but we can change ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves, raise our self esteem, have boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not, have outside interests other than just the A's and their problems and to get strong. I have been with my husband for 36 years tomorrow. He started drinking about 8+ years. It has been up and down and around we go. I decided in February that I have got to change for me, and not for anybody else. I love this site and come everyday. I also read Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. I finally have a sponsor to help me with the steps and am going to counseling. I need all of this help to get me strong. In one of the meetings online someone said that Our Strength Makes Them have to Face Their Weakness. I truly believe that and I am trying everyday to get strong. Good luck to you! Jen
My first meeting was in a tiny town and a knew of one person that went because this person was very vocal in the community about al-anon. We lived in a very big drinking community also, but hardly anyone went. In my first meeting I was surprised at who was there and I opened up pretty early on and found a great sponsor just about right away. As small town as we were we also understood how important it is to not mention who was in the room and what was talked about there. The group took it seriously to protect each other and to be about growing within ourselves and as a group. It was great and I miss those 2 meetings a week since I moved. I have made it to other meetings, but they have never been the same as my first year in that small town with those people that I thought I knew before attending, there was so much love and support and they will always be like family to me now. Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I still go and just listen and absorb. It is a little confusing at first. This is all about you not
the alcoholic. It is about your recovery. Buy their three little daily readers. it takes a lot
of courage To speak out loud.you will when you are ready no one will force you. Everyone
has been in your shoes and they know you are struggling.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I would love to hear more. Can anyone share a little bit about what the format of a meeting is like. I think I would feel more comfortable if I knew what to expect. I KNOW I have to do this. And, I am ready to do this. But, right now it feels so hard. I know it will help me and be good for me. I am not afraid of addressing my problems and helping myself. I think the big hurdle for me is just acknowledging that this is all going on and this is my life. It is obviously easier to pretend it isn't real when I don't take action and confront it. I talked to my sister in-law about it Friday. It was the first time I actually said out loud that I am planning on doing this. Now I have to tell my husband and just do it. I don't really fear his response. But, I know he will be taken aback, probably get very quiet and then it will all be very real. And, I know that all needs to happen. I feel like and pray that I am ahead of the curve here and need to get help before things get really bad.
Hotrod, thank you! That helps. I will definitely come back and share how it goes. There is not a meeting until Sunday. Unless, I go at noon on Wednesday but I wouldn't regularly be able to attend that meeting. I feel like I should go the one I can attend regularly.
Our meetings are different on the west coast but one thing that we always remind newcomers is that they are not required to speak or to give financially.
Here is our meeting format for 'most' of the meetings in Phoenix:
Reading of the serenity prayer
newcomer welcome(you can say your name or skip it)
Introduction, going around the room, and we all say our names and greet each other
We go around the room and read the 12 steps, 12 traditions, and the Just for Todays. As a newcomer or whenever actually, you can just say PASS if you don't want to read. The basket is passed for donations and usually a phone list, as well.
The leader may be holding a topic meeting, or maybe a speaker will speak, and then the meeting is opened up to the group: sometimes it goes around the room in a pattern, and sometimes we just raise our hands if we want to share.
As Betty said, there is no crosstalk so you don't have to worry about people telling you what to do or how to feel or whatever. The meetings are there for YOU to learn from the others in the group how they have overcome or are overcoming their issues with their addicts/alcoholics.
If I were you, I'd go to the Wednesday meeting. I try to catch a meeting whenever I can, even if it's not my regular meeting time. If I have time and I feel like I need Al Anon support, I go. And, it is suggested that you try 6 different meetings anyway to see which one you like the most. Every meeting has a different flavor, a different feel, and you may prefer one over the other. I hope you enjoy it but give it some time, and be gentle with yourself. Hugs!
It might actually be easier to go on Wednesday when my husband is at work. Then when he gets home and asks what I did today I can tell him about it. It might be harder to go the first time on a Sunday when he is at home.
Aloha In the Forest and welcome to the board. Our program is an anonymous program so be careful about talking to your husband about it. If he thinks that you "outed him" to a bunch of strangers that might cause a problem. My alcoholic/addict got upset and worried that I was talking about her when I first started and then we never used formal names for our qualifiers in the rooms or out of them. At first I went "for her" and not "for me" until I realized I wasn't changing and growing like others in the rooms. My focus was still on her and until I changed my focus and put it upon my own greater awareness and change I would not change which I needed so badly. If your husband is open with you about drinking being a concern for him there are more AA meetings available for him than Al-Anon for you. He can all their hotline number and find out where and when they meet in your area. Keep coming back to the MIP board in between meetings...((((hugs))))
Thanks, Jerry! I am trying to figure out how to best handle this with my husband. I feel like if I can tell him I am going I should. Wouldn't that be best? But, I totally understand what you mean about outing him.
