The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I came into this forum from another MIP programme... I think mebbe I have some sort of leadership there... I come here for support- and to sort out my loyalty with Alanon.
My loyalty has grown a lot... and so has my peace of mind...
Lately I went to see an old girlfriend. I am godfather to her oldest daughter, so there is still a link. Many years ago I kinda rescued her. She had incest issues- had gone to the city [as we do].
She was a witness to two young guys getting raped. They tried to do a runner. Both were shot and one was killed. So she was a witness i guess. She was raped at gunpoint. She had to hold the gun so Her fingerprints were on it. When she had a price on her head.
When I met her she had just broken up with a junkie. He died a few months after. I was only partly aware of her predicament. She was pregnant. I moved her to my part of the country.
We went to meet my folks. For some reason they asked her to stay with them, for a while. I went back to the coast to my railway job. Maybe they thought the child was mine. Anyway they were down at the pub. My youngest brother was still at home. I seem to think something went on between C. and my brother.
She more or less admitted to that. That was the reason we split up anyway. Roll forward to two years ago. Went to see my brother in Texas. He wouldn't come out of his trailer to see us. I waited the next day to catch him when he came home from work. But he didn't come home. He drinks a lot. We had travelled a long long way to see him.
It seems no matter what we do the booze, the addiction, always wins.
I did not get a confession from my old girlfriend. She was really really nice to me- the boundaries were really good.
I reckon I must be doing something right.
I have an assembly later today. Really looking forward to it. Like this group I see the members at area level- something special.
But still I think I could be doing better... that I should be gooder...
...I am still looking for answers... any ESH would be most welcome- arohanui
Hi, David. I'm very sorry your trip didn't turn out as happily for you in your reunion with your brother as I'm fairly certain you hoped it would. I just want to add a little to the gifts sent to you above: You went to see your brother I assume with an open heart and no desire to offer anything but the gift of yourself to him. You took a risk - a risk in love. What you can take home with you is the knowledge that you are growing in love and understanding. You can turn the past, your brother, and your friend and your relationships to them all into your HPs hands and trust HP to make them all what S/He will. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and some of your story, too, brother. We're with you as you grow, grieve, grope in the dark of not knowing for your HP's hand - and offer the gift of yourself to others - some who will reach back.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 5th of July 2013 09:32:45 PM
Alcoholism in a family is so very destructive. I am glad you are seeking recovery. I found that coming to terms with the past was certainly an interesting and uneven journey.
I was reminded of the the 3 As when I read your post. You certainly have the awareness and acceptance. I found the best action I could do was the 7TH Step - ask HP to remove my shortcoming. . I also felt that your share showed how you were practicing these principles in all our affairs as the 12 TH Step suggests.
The past is filled with pain, sadness and the unknown. I decided that I could not truly "Know "what really went on so that I asked HP to lift my need to know, my fear, my anger, my sadness and free me of the prison of the past. I am sorry that you traveled so far to see your brother with such painful results Alanon reminds me that all I need to do is my part, You extended love and friendship that was all you need to do We are not responsible how the other receive it.
Remember the Sanskrit Poem
Yesterday is but a dream
Tomorrow only a vision
but today well lived
makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
and
every tomorrow a vision of hope
Look well to this day
More and more I feel that yesterday was but a dream
The things I cannot change...Love that because it is allowance for me to look into the past and the future and keep my hands in my pockets. Acceptance lets me relax with the past and patience the future. Betty's Sanskrit passage is sanity food for me as are all the lessons I have learned in Al-Anon about living in the now and that it is all I can do anything with. I decide how I want the now to be and make that decision with so much love and support from the fellowship. My past up until an hour ago has gone very well. My now is very balanced. My future looks brite because I'm not gonna change anything. Mahalo David...Aloha e aloha ke akua (((hugs)))
Dear DAvid, I just love your picture...That nice smiling face..So sincere looking
WOW..what a story re: the g.f. and your brother
No, my friend, there is a LOAD of stuff we cannot control or change or cure., so we gotta work through the anger and grief so we come to a place where we can accept things as they were or are and THEN we can let it go, the anger, or hurt or resentment , we can cast it off to the winds and move on
Seems you have done that...I see no hate or resentment in your post
and, to me?? U R doing fine...I see a very healthy post here , full of wisdom and accepting what you cannot change and the desire to move forward
all it takes is willingness and our HP within us can do the rest
You are FINE...JUST THE WAY YOU ARE....
Please keep coming back ...I like reading your posts.....
Take care
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
The things I cannot change...Love that because it is allowance for me to look into the past and the future and keep my hands in my pockets. Acceptance lets me relax with the past and patience the future. Betty's Sanskrit passage is sanity food for me as are all the lessons I have learned in Al-Anon about living in the now and that it is all I can do anything with. I decide how I want the now to be and make that decision with so much love and support from the fellowship. My past up until an hour ago has gone very well. My now is very balanced. My future looks brite because I'm not gonna change anything. Mahalo David...Aloha e aloha ke akua (((hugs)))
WOW, Jerry I just love this post.....LOVE the "look into the past and the future and keep my hands in my pockets" like look but don't mess with it.....it is what it is.......AWESOME post, and I love seeing the Hawaiian words....so beautiful...I hear they pronounce all the vowels.....beautiful language and beautiful people....
Thanks for the AGAIN, neat share.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hi David - my thought upon reading your post is - do gooder than whom? I can only do better next time than I did this time; I can only strive to do better against myself AND accept the outcome because myself sometimes isn't up to the task. I am human and constantly learning from my mistakes. Hey, recurring thought here - I can't learn from my mistakes if I don't make any!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I love the ESH here and can use this in my own life right now. My trainer at the Y tells me every week, that my competition is not with anyone else working out only with myself that I am striving and getting healthier within me. I am really trying to lose weight and being an emotional eater keeps me from my goal and I know it is something in my head that I am working on, I have the desire to be healthier and would love to look good in spandex like some of the ladies at the Y. But I have had to remember this is my journey and I will get there only when it is my time to get there. I am working on taking the best care of me and growing and stretching in ways that are not always comfortable. Al-anon has been so great for my mind and spirit, I have changed the things I could and continue to love myself as a fleshy human that strives to be better today than yesterday. I am doing things I never imagined, living on my own, going back to school, taking a workout class that is beyond what I thought I could do and having an open mind towards my life. I do not have much figured out, but I am living today the best I can and am working on what I see as character defects as I am able, I am not perfect and never will be, but I am the best me I can be. So many times your wise words have helped me out. I hope my ESH can be helpful to you as well. I am gooder than I used to be and so are you my friend! Sending you so much love and support right now on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I started sharing here to firm up the learning I was doing on the steps board. I rarely share from the top. This was a check for me. We had our area meeting yesterday, and this was another check- doing extra work online is helpful.
I tied to fix the alcoholic situation- and now I try to fix everything. My mind says no- but it is deeply ingrained. This gets in the way of the things I can change. Kia miharo.
Thanks Neshema... taking time out to walk away from the loss is a great idea... having named the source of grief is a great help, and as they say- 'laugh and the world laughs with you, cry, and you cry alone'. This programme gives us both...
your post takes me back to Betty's first comment on Step 7. For me it is to be humble, not humiliated. No longer do I have to 'bust my boiler' pleasing others. That is just an illusion.
I think we can please ourselves, in a healthy way enjoy our own company sometimes, to realise some of our hopes and dreams and to feel comfortable in our own bodies.
But the social side- the wind down- is important too!
the past...
my attitudes... one day at a time.
Thanks Neshema... taking time out to walk away from the loss is a great idea... having named the source of grief is a great help, and as they say- 'laugh and the world laughs with you, cry, and you cry alone'. This programme gives us both...