How to plan for delivery of a new baby? - Al-Anon Family Group

Venera · Senior Member

How to plan for delivery of a new baby?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Venera

It is always wise to have a Plan A, B or C, I would just alert my friends in case of an emegency I would be calling them as back up .

No explanation is necessary. Keep it Simple

-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 4th of July 2013 05:49:03 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Venera wrote:
and when sober is a good husband, unfortunately I have no idea when his next drinking period is going to come, but can't wait till the last moment.

-- Edited by Venera on Thursday 4th of July 2013 01:09:05 PM

WHEN sober is a big IF when you need him...he may or may not................."have no idea when his next drinking" that says it......you CANT depend on him.....

"Can't wait till the last moment"

I think you know what to do....Get a sober, trusted family member or friend to be ready to take you, to make sure you are taken care of at this time...If husb. says anything, You just nicely tell him that of course he is baby's dad and very important, but you have to put you and baby first.....its NOT our fault, he did this...He brought this on himself....

When we cannot trust...we CANNOT trust....when we are in need, we need to know that they will be there for us

Last year I got near pneumonia and my daughter stood me up...NEVER stopped by the house to check up on me...I had to recover on my own and it was hard doing things when I am caughing myself to near fractured ribs, it was that bad

Will I ever depend on her again in need??? Nope...She proved I cannot trust her...I love her, but I don't have to like her behavour or trust her or put myself in her hands when I know she has dropped me b4...IF I ever get sick like that again, I will not even let her know...I will deal by myself...

We make our lives positive or negative...We EARN trust, trust is not a right it is a gift...earned by the other...break it and I don't go there again....

If I were you, I would make plans i.e., transportation, and all the stuff around having a baby with your trusted famly or friends whom you know you can rely on....

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I would never rely on a alcoholic no matter how much they care. When on a binge nothing matters to them. They don't have the capability 99% of the time. Yes you want him there but you have to look at it with honesty what might happen. I would make plan A you knowing what you need to do to get to the hospital and keep a plan B for him to be there with you. I'm sure he wants to be there for you and loves you but his disease is strong and sometimes interferes with the best laid plans. I pray he is there for you when his beautiful 3rd child comes into this world. (((( hugs ))))

Venera · Senior Member

I feel like if I start planning without him it will look like I am punishing him, which is not good either. But I have no family here, just some shared friends. And asking them to go with me instead of him will be going open about problem, which I didn't want to.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

You don't need to say anything. You just need a plan just in case. When the time comes you will know if he is there or you need to call a cab... Keep it simple...... (((( hugs ))))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

You can always have a plan A and a plan B or just plan on having one other person there for support and if he comes through you have 2 supporters and if not you have at least 1. If you can at this point take the best care of yourself and do something special for you before the big day! Sending you much love and support!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Venera wrote:
I feel like if I start planning without him it will look like I am punishing him, which is not good either. But I have no family here, just some shared friends. And asking them to go with me instead of him will be going open about problem, which I didn't want to.

nawww its not punishment, its just being pragmatic....I understand not wanting to go "open" But please have a plan A and plan B...You need to get to hosp. on time w/out drama and w/out any upsets...

He may have the best intentions, but remember...the bottle comes first when they decide to go on a binge..and it can happen at any moment, whatever may trigger him, whatever...

taking care of you and this new baby, and doing it where you are not left in the lurch is not punishing anyone it is taking care of you....

I wold put me and the baby first...Because that is top priority...If he shares?? WONDERFUL....If he does not???? Then U R covered, thats all I am saying, I didn't mean for you to think that this is "sticking it to him" because thats not what my post is about.

It is all about taking care of you and, yea, having to make some tough choices...If AH wants more trust??? he has to earn it by getting into program and working hard to change his life around

Meantime?? You have you and your baby to care for.....I DO hope AH doesn't mess up, but if he does, at least you have alternate plans..

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I had my AH and a friend in the delivery room with me. You could certainly have a friend at the ready to drive you home. And/or a doula. Take good care of yourself!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Again I agree with Mattie. I would plan to have him AND a friend! Or many friends and family! We had a roomful for my g sons birth. Its your birthing, you can do what you want!

Hon you with the hormones etc, going into labor do not need the pain and stress of the A disease bolony. So if you have one friend or lots of people who want to be there, then you will not have to even be concerned about A. He will do whatever he is going to do.

I am sure he would never not be there or be drunk or whatever on purpose honey. Remember he is very, very sick. So if he does not show up, or acts inappropriately, I hope you can focus on you and baby and detach from his behavior, remembering he does love you and care.

I am very excited for you! love,debilyn

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:

No explanation is necessary. Keep it Simple

-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 4th of July 2013 05:49:03 PM

I 1000% agree with this.......I dont have to

J............Justify

A............argue

D...........defend

E............explain my actions or decisions if I am rightfully taking care of me and not harming another creature in doing so..........

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Vemera you can always do the honesty thing too...tell him up front that if he is still drinking when the due date comes he will not be sought for support. That's honest and real and he can make choices about it too. How does he want it to come out? Hey you can ask him that question too. Is he going to participate and support and is he going to do it drinking or not drinking? You also have plans to make. Just saying.

(((hugs))) smile

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