No make up or up do and I am still beautiful - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

No make up or up do and I am still beautiful

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

((( breakingFree ))) It looks to me your are a natural beauty with or without be dolled up. I'm seeing your new friend as one to take control and wants you to be what he wants at any given time. I say this because I am the one that would do and say things like that to my partner. I'm learning it doesn't work and will just give you, like my partner, resentment down the road. He is going to have to except you as you are and stop or it will just get worse like in my case. Take care and ask HP what he thinks... (((( hugs ))))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey breaking, with that dazzler of a smile, you can go both ways...what do YOU want to do???? personally, you and I have good skin....so make up is an option....I never ever wear it, save for a bit of lip gloss and liner on occasion and its OCCASION...LOL

Glad U R here., and keep smiling....:)

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
I'm seeing your new friend as one to take control and wants you to be what he wants at any given time. I say this because I am the one that would do and say things like that to my partner. I'm learning it doesn't work and will just give you, like my partner, resentment down the road. He is going to have to except you as you are and stop or it will just get worse like in my case. Take care and ask HP what he thinks... (((( hugs ))))

This share is exactly what I am thinking, re-reading your post....If he can't love you AS IS...NO RETURNS...then I see resentments down the road, too
as to asking "HP" I think HP wants us to use our tools and look within , the stuff that is over my head is when or where I stop and look within for my higher power to guide me...
I would do my natural thing, I tell my kids..."Ding ding do your thing....AS LONG AS you NEVER harm or take from another living creature"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Breaking Free

You are abolutely beautiful with or without makeup or being" dolled up "

I Would be very careful with this guy.

Red flags are flying

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I was thinking there are red flags and then there are red flags the size of comforters .. think slowly and clearly about this especially since he feels it necessary for you and not for him. Hugs P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

lol lol at pushka! I agree 100% with those ladies!

Who eeeeez this turnip???? Who cares if he likes you dolled up, upside down, in overalls, in a dress, laughing with a snort, looking cross eyed?

lol You are so cute and funny. No matter what, who needs someone who does not just like/love you how you are????

I got that from you guys. Reminded me. Hey my guy is fortunate to have me! I mean it too. I don't care if he is in sexy jeans and white t shirt, nicely shaved.... or in his knee high sock and boxers, I still think he is the best!

You could be in a gunny sack and the man who loves you will be attracted and love you. People who matter to us and we matter to, we don't care, we love the heart, we giggle at the green on your teeth, that you forgot mascara on one eye, two different colored socks...

HEY next date wear two different earrings, different shoes, Have a lot of nice make up on but have your hair in some crazy way. I am serious! lol lol If he is cool about it and laughs great, if not, hmmmm who cares!

Hey I wear a green sock with a blue one. Well green and blue go together!

When we have been thru so much, we learn what really matters. You are a special lady, if he cannot see that, heck with him.

hugs, now go put on your red shoe and blue one......(c:

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

What right does he have to "prefer" you made up? If he's already voicing that he "prefers" this or that for you to do...how long before he requires it? hmmmmm

If YOU want to wear make up -- cool. If you want to wear overalls and barn boots, then do it. Do what YOU want.

Tell him you "prefer" him to wear a tie and dress shirt...see how that goes over.

HA!

OY.

RP

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I think I would throw in I'd like to see some actual muscles lining his abs .. however that was just mean .. LOL .. I'm so not the go to person in terms of relationships .. especially today. I'm looking for the truck to set fire to! :P P :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Sis))))) I wouldn't not try to read the responses to this post....LOL You bring the fire!! I love it when the tribe gets their spears and come together. For me...from the other tribe and from my own experiences...be very very careful of language and behavior that tends to discount you and question your God given value. Be carefful on those who critique or judge only the physical perception of you...that isn't at all the all of you. If he cannot love you with out condition...he cannot love at all. Love yourself completely and unconditionally and you won't "need" it from anyone else or anyone else either. Today It is very hard for me to consign my attention based only of the physcial presentation of another person and when I do...I end up feeling ashamed and less than. "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are". I love you as I love everyone else. (((((Big Hugs))))) smile

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Breakingfree: I don't know the whole of your relationship with this guy, but if this kind of stuff makes you uncomfortable, I'd talk with him about it.
He might not even know it isn't something that is appealing to you. If I talked with him and let him know how uncomfortable it feels and he continues with it - I wouldn't try to change him. It won't happen. I would probably move on because I'd feel watched all the time and that feels creepy to me. But, that's me.

I am VERY HAPPY to see that you have enough self-confidence to dress the way you want to dress and wear make up or not depending on what you choose to do. I also think this kind of thing - if he keeps it up after a talk - would chip away at that hard-earned self-confidence. I can't think of one man I ever dated who told me I should or shouldn't wear make up, dress up or dress down unless we were going somewhere and he knew the type of dressing I'd need to do. Nothing more than that.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Pushka wrote:
I was thinking there are red flags and then there are red flags the size of comforters .. think slowly and clearly about this especially since he feels it necessary for you and not for him. Hugs P :)

I could NOT agree with this more...when a guy starts telling me he wants me to dress or look this way or that way, I am GONE>.....

I , too see RED FLAGS all over the joint.....

What is your higher self within telling you???? Do you get that "icky" feeling about this request???? Does that request kinda make you feel that "Uh oh" feeling???? Kinda not comfortable with it????? I just re-read your post and I got those feelings FOR YOU, LOL

Like Grateful2be said......"it feels creepy to me" Really...You look so sweet AS YOU ARE.....to hell what he thinks....

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I hadn't read all the responses and was thinking: who the heck does this guy think he is?

If I get dolled up and do my makeup and wear nice clothes, it's because I WANT TO, not because someone else asked me to do so. I see red flags that say 'you're not good enough for me' or 'I need to impress strangers with my beautiful girlfriend who looks gorgeous with makeup on and so I can take credit for her gorgeousness' or whatever, LOL. I'd be taking it slow with this guy and I'd be asking very pointed questions like, "I'm sorry if you aren't pleased with my looks, what is it about me that then that you find so appealing?'

Or, "I like the way I look no matter what, I'd like to date someone who feels the same way. Do you?"

I don't know. I just got the willies when you posted the things he's said and maybe that's just because I haven't met the guy in person. He obviously has some good qualities or you wouldn't be spending time with him. So, tread lightly, take care of yourself, and keep loving who you are!!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the ESH family! I laughed so hard with some of these comments, like the muscle lining the abs comment ((((((Pushka)))))) and telling him I prefer a tie and dress shirt, haha, so not my style. This guy is a big guy that I am still getting to know and I think because he met me when I was all done up and dressed my best he kind of is expecting it, I will have to just show him he has no control over me and I am wearing make-up less around him so that he can get used to it.

My MIP family is always so humorous and good at bringing up the honest questions about things. I will have to communicate with him, which I am not the best at unfortunately, I also think I already made up my mind about this relationship. Unfortunately it makes me love the great qualities of my exAH even more. I will not settle to just be with a warm body.

A good man is hard to find! Thanks for the laughs and ESH all of you! Sending you all love and support!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

We can sure get our panties in a bunch with this kind of post, huh??? Go woman power..Had to throw that into the heap....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
We can sure get our panties in a bunch with this kind of post, huh??? Go woman power..Had to throw that into the heap....

LOL...Oh yea, when a guy gets controlling or pushy or not accepting me AS IS, Ohhh man, its like kicking a mound of fire ants.....

I find that my tolerence level towards stupidity and bad behaviour has gone waaay down...

I put a better value on ME.....I took me out of the bargain basement, carried me upstairs and put me in the jewel case with the other treasures....that is not a statement of conceit....that is a statement of treating me better, valueing me better so IF I find someone (not really looking) I will teach him right off the bat that I value myself and if he does not follow suit??? I am OUTTA here

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.