The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Seeing reality is important but drawing conclusions about someone else feelings or future happenings can be very dangerous.We cannot predict the future or the depths of someone love, pain or motives.
The reality is that the disease of alcoholism has entered your life This disease is not only physical but emotional and spiritual. It affects all who come in contact with it. It can be arrested by not cured The symptoms are wide ranging and painful for a marriage. Since we did not cause this cannot cure it or control it You have found the best solution for your marriage and life ALANON.
Keep using program, staying in the moment , sharing, and new doors will open
You are not alone and there is hope
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 3rd of July 2013 10:58:58 AM
The reality of my life is that my husband is an alcoholic and I enabled him all these years. The reality is that he cheated and probably continues to cheat. The reality is that he doesn't love me anymore he probably never did. The reality is in the future we are probably getting divorced. All this is too much for me to intake. I feel so broken sometimes. I want to have hope that our marriage will somehow work out but I seriously doubt it will. I'm saddened by it. It makes me feel like a failure at tines.
My new reality is that I found alanon and that I can create a new reality for myself. One filled with hope and love. I'm working on it one day at a time and that's all I can do. I know my HP will help mw through it all.
I would encourage you to internalize some of those "realities", and bring them back to those within your control (at least for now) - i.e. what are YOUR realities
The reality is that it is July 3, 2013
The reality is that today really IS the first day of the rest of my (your) life
The reality is that I (you) AM worth, deserving, and lovable, and I (you) are the best (newgirl17) in the world
My wise old sponsor would have encouraged me to shelve those other worries, at least for now, until which time I was in a better mental/healthy space to deal with those longer term issues... For now, our wonderful slogan of "One Day at a Time" comes to mind, and that's all you really need. Be the best (newgirl17) you can possibly be today, for you....
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Dear NewGirl....You said The reality is that he cheated and probably continues to cheat. The reality is that he doesn't love me anymore he probably never did. The reality is in the future we are probably getting divorced. All this is too much for me to intake. I feel so broken sometimes. I want to have hope that our marriage will somehow work out but I seriously doubt it will.
I say....How does THIS make YOU feel like a failure????? I don't see you cheating, breaking the sacred vows, putting him at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, I don't see you not caring, I don't see you doing anything but accepting what You won't , more than likely, be able to change....The only thing we can change is US...OUR lives, OUR thoughts
HE chose this, NOT you.....Please get into meetings, work with your sponsor if you have one, drag out those steps adn work them b/c you are going to need that strength to do what is right by you.....When they start cheating that is a deal breaker for me b/c NOW hes putting you at risk for STD's which can be fatal at worst..render you with gynological problems at least......
I honestly unless he were to jump with both feet into AA and work for a couple of years, straight, remoursefull for his deeds, I mean he would have to do a 180 for any hope of this marriage lasting
You deserve soo much better than this....as you learn in program to love youself, you will see that this is right...you will see that you deserve a life free of this....My 2nd X AH never cheated or beated on me........those 2 issues are deal breakers and irreversible to me..........cheating and beating....No going back b/c of the trust broken, the risk to my safety and my physical health.....
You will now when to make your move to take care of you when you work on YOU..focus on YOU...detach from his issues and focus on YOU....YOU deserve better....
I think you know deep inside that there is nothing left and yes, it is normal to grieve, but this will pass...I promise if you work on you , the program and its suggestions, you WILL feel and do better b/c you will love yourself and respond in kind
so sorry....but life will get better if you open your heart up to you and recovery
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My husband repeatedly tells me he doesn't love me and says he is only still in the house for financial reasons. He is drinking again and most nights he comes home at 2 or 3 in the morning. He says he doesn't want me anymore. I want to run away but I can't financially yet. He has put it pretty clear that he doesn't love me anymore and he keeps denying that he is drinking. But the bottles, behaviors and breath don't lie. I can't change him I can only change me. I am deeply sadened by all this and I am grieving for my husband and the life that I thought I could have with him. I guess its kind of like my dream with him is dying and I try to revive it but it keeps on dying anyway. Thanks for all the support and letting me know I'm not alone. Thanks :)
