Blaming others - Al-Anon Family Group

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

Blaming others

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Maresie

i truly appreciate your honesty, clarity and wisdom. It is evident that you have worked with much dedication and looked inward to your motieves and expectations. Great program work

Keep on comng back

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I go with Betty on this one....Oh I used to do the same thing.... I NEVER took responsibility for my mistakes or wrongs and I think it was FEAR.....growing up if you were wrong or in error, that could mean being beaten half to death or publically embarrassed by it.....So I began at an early age, blaming others, not taking responsibility., out right LYING about did i do it or not

Now I know the sky won't fall on me for being wrong, in fact taking responsibility for my wrongs is soo freeing b/c then I can learn, make amends and its over and people respond to me soo much better and positive b/c I am accepting my wrongs and owning up to them....

Your share was great....I could sooo relate to it............PEACE and good job!!!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I did that, too, until my early 30s when a counselor I trusted said to me exasperated: "When are you going to take responsibility for your part in some of this." I didn't like what she said, but I knew she spoke truth. I started looking at my part with her. That helped me begin to build a life I could live with and be proud of then. What a gift to receive, Orchid. Awareness of a block to your own happiness and self-fulfillment. Such good news to read tonight. Thank you.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Maresie!!))))) It does work when you work it and you worked it...let someone not in program cause you to grow. Did I say not in program? If she caused you to grow...she's in your program. Duh!! smile

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL @ Jerry F......soooo true....some of these "FGO's" I can do w/out, LOL....(friggin growth opportunities) :)

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Thank You Maresie, I am battling with this as well. There are certain aspects of my life I wish changed. I know I have a part to play and when I make an effort and things don't go my way, I blame the alcoholic and my alcoholic upbringing instead of accepting it's part of my higher power's plan. For me, there comes a time when I need to accept and realize that I'm not that same kid anymore and that phase of my life is over. As I heard and AA speaker say 'If god brought you to it, he'll get you through it'. Thanks, that was a good start to my day Jim

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I noticed that when I blame others all the time, it's an automatic set up for me to have a pity party, be the victim, and stay stuck in whatever situation I am in. In the years I have been in recovery, I have seen that I can change my life with my HPs help. I am not helpless and I can effect good things even in the event that something "bad" might happen. I don't suffer every situation and every perceived slight like I used to. I still slip back here and there but before... I had "woe is me" and 'If only you/they would...." written all over me. All I did was suffer life. Now I typically enjoy it.

afglin · Senior Member

This post on blame reminded me of something I read in one of my books...when I point my finger at another person I need to take note that I have three fingers pointing back at myself. That's also true with I see others pointing fingers...
for me I have to ask myself what part I have in the situation. I have to be responsible for my own actions.

LIN

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

The blame issue is very complex for me. Certainly the ex A created tremendous havoc in my life. It was not that simple to walk away. Now things are different in my life but I certainly can't say I am home free.

I am far more self reliant than I was but I wouldn't exactly say my life is easy. I still live on a margin I would rather get off.

Blame is sometimes appropriate. The alcoholics around me certainly do things that cause a great deal of problems in my life. I don't have any part in it whatsoever. They live lives full of chaos and their chaos pervades everything around them. The issue for me is how much do I let it affect me. There are times when I have to say a resonant no about letting their activities affect me. There are other times when I really have to look at my expectations. I absolutely expect them to go on being addicts. That is their modus operandi. I don't expect them to change. I hope they do change but I do not expect anything I do to make that happen.

Sometimes I do indeed have a part and other times I do not have anything whatsoever to do with an alcoholics actions. I can choose my response some of the time.

Maresie.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

dearest Marisie, i am always so glad when you pop in. Also always very impressed how you are always working on something to better yourself for YOU.

I am sorta the opposite well used to be, blamed myself for everything. Now I don't care one way or the other. I just do my best to do better, and grow positively.

So nice you have a friend!!!!!

Hope your critters are ok and you are ok where you live. Remember there is always a place in Oregon for you all to visit! hugs honey,debilyn

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