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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AD on rampage!!
Post Info TOPIC: AD on rampage!!
Highlyfavored


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AD on rampage!!
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Today it hit the fan!  AD was expecting to get her adult son's ssi check, he turned 18 on 3/1 and  put him out in april during one of her rages.  She gave him 125.00 of his check, he was staying with friends until last month when I told him to come stay with me if he could follow my rules.

He asked me to take him to ss to apply to be his own payee, he was upset when he was told his check had increased 300.00 when he turned 18 and his mother pretended it was the same amt. that it's always been.  He didn't want to tell her he was made payee because she had said she was going to call and tell them he was smoking marjuina, which he denied.

I didn't tell her because it wasn't my business, she has known for a long time that she needed to get a job along with her boyfriend, she has lived off of his check for 8 yrs, with no additional income, her boyfriend has lived with her for 3yrs. with no job.

Today she called me upset because we didn't tell her, " now how am I going to pay my rent and p.g.&e,"  She told my sis. she didn't have any food and was hungry.  I've not answered any more of her calls, I don't want to hear her rage.

I'm in a lot of pain, because I wish there was something I could do to help.  I know it won't help her for me to rescue her again.

Gettingitright!!

 



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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time.  And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers

Gettingitright!
neshema2


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QUOTE 'm in a lot of pain, because I wish there was something I could do to help. I know it won't help her for me to rescue her again.

I so agree....Helping them with their responsibilities does not help them...I think it robs them of the lessons they need in their lives to grow and hopefully get into recovery as well.....I have a passive aggressive daughter who has to routinely "punish" me for things she imagines I have done wrong...I helped her more than my sweet daughter who is a gem....That has changed...I let "C" handle her own stuff...I stay out of her business...

I do not let her use me and then kick me to the curb, she doesn't show rage, she "gets at me" with passive aggression...Like sabotages me but quietly and sneaky and kinda "back door" type actions....

So I removed myself from her target zone....my other daughter "S" is a doll...I made amends to "S" b/c in some ways I felt like I was short changing her on the affection /attention b/c of my trying to "help" "C"....

"S" was very good about it...She said she was "OK' with me and ya know??? We can raise them up..Teach them what we know...But when they grow up, we have to release them to their world to walk their paths and we hope the best for them...What they do from that point on as adults, is out of our hands.....I know it hurts...It hurts real bad, but I , too, won't rescue "C" anymore...She has to walk her path and learn her lessons herself...

Take care ok???? You need you!!!!!



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
Debilyn


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 You are doing the right thing. Allow her to figure it all out. Then she might realize what it takes to be independant!

She can get food help, that is not hard at all.

hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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grateful2be


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If the SSI money is her son's, then she'll have to assess her situation and find a different way to pay her rent and get food. She'll find her way. It won't be easy, but she'll find her way. Many prayers for you and for your family.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Cathyinaz


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(((( Highlyfavored ))))

Look at it in a way that she will panic enough to take control of herself and seek help and employment. I'm happy for your grandson that he might now have the means to make better choices for himself and be away from the bad influences.

If I don't change nothing will ever change. That's the way I look at it.

Take care of you my friend.....you and your daughter are in my prayers.



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Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AD on rampage!!