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WOW is it a Wake up! I grew in an Alcoholic Home Where My Job was to make everyone "Happy" but myself, and as long as that was done, then life could keep moving forward...
My Mom My Codependant: She was the "Worrier" If she worried about it, then again, it was our Job to Give her LESS to worry about! "Make her Happy" I never wanted that Part of Her to be apart of me, but as life goes on and I slip into the habits I was Taught, well I got my Wake up call just the other day, and i'm still Thanking God for it!
Long/Short of it, My Teenage son was told by his Dad that he was to go Kayaking with me, because he wasn't feeling well... (I was Unaware of this Conversation) However, I noticed that my son's Body Laungage had shifted since a Spoke to him moments before, and when I would ask him whats up he would say nothing, and go on hangin his head...
So Little While Later the Husband comes in and tells me what they discussed & I did ask what he said, and he said Not a Word! So when the Husband left I got My Son by myself and told him, I "Honestly" wasn't feeling well, and had decided I didn't want to take the kayaks out that day that I would do it when I felt a little better... And he kept persisting Know we will go! I'll Load the Kayaks! I know you want to go! (And i truly wasn't feeling well for a couple days) And when I told him again I "Wasn't" goin he got in a huff, (He is Very Sensitive at times) and I Could see he was Wellin Up! And I Said to Him! Son, Your Body laungage tells me Other wise! "Whats UP!"
And with Tears in his Eyes, He says! "I Just want You to be Happy!!!!" SLAP!
Normally, Before My 4yrs Program Began, I Could be Quite Selfish & Self Centered & That would have made me quite "Happy" that he was Worried about me, or in my Mind "Cared Enough" to Worry!!! However since my Program, it was a HUGE Wake up call! That I Needed!
So I had to have that Hard Conversation with my Boy and Explain to him that in No Way Shape or Form, is it "HIS JOB" to make me Happy! I can only be made Happy if "I" Choose to be! And Regardless of the Request by his Father I wanted him to be HONEST with not just me but himself about what He would like to do! And we Talked alot about how we Veiw things, and what his Responsibility is, and what mine are and it was a Much needed Chat! He is a Very Respectful Young Man, and tho I am Grateful he "Wanted" to make me Happy, I wasn't as Thankful that he Found it to be His JOB To make me Happy!
I am So Grateful for this Program & My Growth that I have Had since arriving here! I am Grafeful for my Relationship I have with my HP and How when I Need to be SLAP'd, I am Aware it is Happening when Most of my Life I Would Play the Victum or Live in Denial, Im so Grateful for being Humbled when I need it! And I Did Truly Need it!
Proof Once More... It Works When "I" Work it! And My Happiness, Is Souly... On ME! So, More Work Always to be Done but the Blessing in it all is the Growth, and Program I get to Share, without this Program I would still be the Self Centered/Control freak I was brought to know! Im Very Happy, that HP Brought me too it & Thru it, As Always...
Jozie, I can so relate to your post....It was my job as a child, too, to babysit my drunken mother, to keep her sober to keep her from drinking and to please HIM as well...In my parents eyes, I had "no needs" , I guess..I was a non entity as never were my needs met
Now I make sure MY needs are met b/c it is my job to do so..If my needs are not met, whose fault is it now??? MINE....After being in al-anon for , what??? since 2002, the first thing I learned, working the program was boundaries, and that its MY job to take care of me...I will not find happiness until I find it within me first and I am, slowly but surely, I am.....very nice share!!! I really related to it
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Powerful parent- child discussion. Great use of your program. Your son is fortunate to have you as his mom.
I too grew up in a household where we all worried about mom's moods and keeping her happy. Never thought that we should be taking care of ourselves and our feelings. Aanon was the first place a learned these valuable lessons.
I love this share and love too when I am able to break the cycles of old and use my program especially to grow my children! Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
