The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If you are not attending Alanon meetings- please find some meetings in your area and work the steps with a sponsor. It will help sort out the confusion. Reread your post as if someone else wrote it and what would you lovingly want to tell that person?
Addiction is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. Your thoughts, actions, and life choices are between you and your HP; what other's may or may not think is not important- I find that when I am able to work with firm boundaries for myself- I keep myself intact, then I do not hand my power, credibility, or pieces of my soul to others to judge or manipulate. Take care of you!
In support.
-- Edited by bud on Monday 1st of July 2013 12:28:58 PM
my a just told me that ive kicked him to the curb,ha no I haven't he is still living in my house.i just wont will not let him have s*x with me,cause of sin.i don't know how long this will go on with him he may move out or I dunno I just know I have to keep my self sane and I know not to marry him ,I just wished he would get his own place .ive told him that he needs to start saveing his money up to buy him a place but he hasn't done or said nothing yet.he pays me 75.00 rent every fri. I know that's cheap and he may never move out is what im nervous about my church will be pushing us to marry when they find out that im nervous about also.i try to talk about HP everyday to my a hopeing he will understand where I stand.he hasn't had any more seizures since he has now quit smokeing cigs so now he is cig. free and alcohol free but has to take a little something to block out the want for hydrocone and other dangerous addictive drugs .he is a high risk sit. he 50 years old ppl keep saying well he is sick now he will probably never go back to drinking or drugging that he would be scared that he would end up in hospital again for seizures but that's not what caused his seizures he has high blood pressure points in top of his head that mri test showed and he never followed up with his neurologist about it .and works out in the heat building houses everday and says he gets dizzy at times and he wont take his blodd pressure here I have a blood pressure cuff but I have my own issues to deal with.i just wished he would take care of himself.but oh well yes im scared about it all have to give it all over to my hp .sorry ive rambled on and on but you all are all ive got......silent/chinup
(((silent))) Can you get to a meeting near you? Don't worry about the church pushing you to get married. It's frankly no one's business but yours, his and God's. Depending on the church you belong to, they'll also frown on divorce and encourage you to stay married no matter what. Right now, the important thing is YOUR health. If you don't want to have an intimate relationship to him - it doesn't matter what anybody says. It is what you say that matters. You have the right to say "no" to what doesn't feel right to you and your HP will give you the strength to say it and stick to it.
There is nothing you can do about what he is doing or not doing. Keep coming back. Go to Al-Anon meetings in your area. Get Al-Anon literature. We have on-line meetings and a chat room. Exercise. Rest. Eat well. Relax. Spend time with friends. Focus on what you want and what you need to take good care of yourself. Let your HP take care of the BF.
(((silent))) Can you get to a meeting near you? Don't worry about the church pushing you to get married. It's frankly no one's business but yours, his and God's. Depending on the church you belong to, they'll also frown on divorce and encourage you to stay married no matter what. Right now, the important thing is YOUR health. If you don't want to have an intimate relationship to him - it doesn't matter what anybody says. It is what you say that matters. You have the right to say "no" to what doesn't feel right to you and your HP will give you the strength to say it and stick to it.
GRATEFUL2BE is absolutely correct.....I don't go to church anymore b/c of this very same thing....they interfer where they shoudl not.....I would not marry this guy for all the money in the world...Because it is a marriage made in hell, waiting to happen....You are smart NOT to marry him, and to NOT have sex with him, it is your body, your choice to marry or not to marry and noone has the right to say anything about it
Do you have a sponsor??? some meets you can go to, even on line??? ANYthing that will keep you focused on you and what is best for you
If this were me, he would be gone..Like right now..But that , again, is your decision, I am just hoping that you can "level" yourself by working your program via meetings, and sponsor work or a trusted recovery mate who can help you calm down, and quiet your mind so you can think straight
I know you know deep inside that guy is not a keeper..Hes not in recovery, and to be honest, I met a guy at the swimming pool this past Saturday and hes an Al-anoner like me....NO booze...NO drugs....He is in al-anon like me b/c his parents and his ex wife who is now past away from HER drinking ....The only 12 steppers I would even consider dating or being with would be someone who is in al-anon or acoa or coda anan....Never again an alkie or a druggie (didn't get with a druggie) but no substance abusers
I am so scared of substance abusers, even if they are sober for YEARS...They can slip and go right into the abyss again....I am really that scared of them b/c of the devestation they did to my life, as a child and adult
Please keep coming back...The program works...Really if it can help a mess like me it can help anyone....I don't get in bad positions anymore b/c of this wonderful program....I see the red flags now and I respond as I should..Not deny them
PEACE be unto you
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I am glad that you shared. If you are not comfortable having sex with your partner because of your faith, that is a legitimate reason for not doing so. Your decision not to consider marriage at this time is also reasonable.
Continue working your program, focused on yourself, living one day at a time, trusting HP and you will be guided to a positive solution.
Try to explain your position to your friend and let it go if he is upset
