To thine own self be true is a good quote - Al-Anon Family Group

daisy31 · Veteran Member

To thine own self be true is a good quote

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

I have often heard this at my home meetings: "What other people think of me in none of my business."

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

daisy31 wrote:
I care way too much if people like me. I worry all the time if I hurt someone's feelings, if they are upset (and if they are upset then I think I did something wrong), I try and make everyone happy, I lose myself in other people alot.'Wow, I sound like a co-dependent. I think that for me....I am such a calm and caretaking person, I love to help people, I am a nurturing soul by nature, I only have to focus on me and my gifts to the world and make sure I am living the way that my HP wants me to live. I can barely hurt a fly so I don't know why I always think that someone is mad at me lol. Alcoholism has stripped me of a lot of self esteem and self acceptance. I am on a journey to find me again and become whole. I deserve it. Thanks for listening.

VERY nice share and I can relate.....I am Coda tendency too....only I was "forced" to meet others needs b4 me....had to give my self up to get conditional love....If I wanted to take care of me or assert my needs, I was not loved....very unhealthy, but that was my reality when growing up and when married......YES I like to give and to assist..not enable but now its assist....give only when I have it to give....Now I put ME first, MY needs first and if I can share, I will share and be glad I can.....I used to worry about how people felt about me...I hated it when I thought someone hated me..........case in point

I work fridays at a place where the secretary was very abusive and nasty to me...all the owners saw it and I don' think they were too crazy about her behaviour to me b/c they all love me and my good work......I did NOTHING to this witch and I was NOT gonna let her mess up my day so I thought...."What would really make her mad and ruin HER day when she tries to ruin mine????"

I came up with the perfect plan......KILL her with kindness.....so...I would go to work...and say "GOOD MORNING "P" how are you????" Ohhh she wold gnash her teeth b/c what is she gonna do??? get nasty??? look bad??? No.....she had to "take it" and I just kept it up, not over doing it but just when appropriate i would Kill her w/kindness....she , I could see her chewing her teeth.....I loved it b/c I had taken control by not only NOT letting her screw up my day, but I took my power back...she wold get rude and I wold say "Oh I am sorry "P" that u r having another bad day" and I wold walk away w/a smile on my face and this went on for a while until she needed me to change her pay roll deductions and I cheerfully helped her and I think I wore her down.....She still gets a bit snippy at times, but I ignore it and go my merry way...she has given up for the most part being nasty...it didn't work, so now she is more decent

I told you this story , I guess, becuz only WE can lose our power....nobody can take it from us and when we "worry" about someone being mad at us and we have done NOTHING after we search our inventory, then I can now just dismiss it....if they want to address it w/me??? no worries...If they don't??? no worries....I am not responsible for ANY ones feelings...Only mine....

I hope this post helped you........have a good day :) :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Daisy!! ...back with a hugely wonderful share. I love it and relate. It was also one of the avenues I had to work in my own recovery in learning what "To thine own self be true" walked like. I also remembered one snipet of time during this journey of "self love" where my counselor caught me off guard during a session (co-dependency issues) where he asked me "What do you suppose it feels like to be loved by you"? and I broke down without defense and cried my eyes out. I remembered how I was loving others and couldn't tell what it felt like for them either other than that they accepted what I gave, smiled and walked off into the sunset. Today I know what self love feels like...It feel healthy and comfortable and happy.

Thanks for the memories...In support of your practice. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

dear one I read a lot of positive thoughts you shared! There is NO need for any negative words to yourself. If one starts, for me I used to say stop. then put in I like me just how I am.

I am a square peg. I invite you to love the person you are. As far as others being mad or your needing to caretake, get a dog! People need to feel what they feel. Its up to each one of us to change things in us don't feel comfy about.

We can too. The more you learn about yourself, the better you will feel. For me challenging me is what got me to see who I was. I found out I was efficient, smart, happy, fun to be with! huh? ME?

I found I am super loyal, not too shy to protect children and animals, and even a woman who is being abused in a store, well even a man!

Plus kiddo a disease cannot take your self esteem away. We allow it to. So stop. If someone says mean things to us, we can say HEY don't talk to me that way! We can also leave. Protect the person the creator gave you! I sure do. I am so glad I am not bitter or mean or a person who does not get involved. I like that I will stand up for what I believe. It is not always nowez either.

I even have a guy now I have and am allowing him to see me, all of me. crying, mad, happy, sick whatever. And guess what? He is not going away. It took 8 months for me to learn that if he goes away, he is an idiot. We get along so well, I like him, love him thru his bolony and he does the same for me!

It is liberating to be who we are and if someone does not like us, its very ok.This is what makes me say, I don't want to be loved becuz of me, i want to be loved in spite of me. Like he/she loves me cuz I LOVE pigs, I have a farm pig Augie who gives me great joy and will always be my pet. I sleep with five dogs, couple cats and a little potted pig.

I love to run around in a sarong to keep cool. I don't shave, it hurts, its prickly, I am a woman not a 12 year old. I will admit when I live with my guy someday, I probably will for him. Well at least till he cannot see! hahaha I want to be loved becuz of my strange and unique self. I put baby animals in a front pack and go to the store. I take my service dog where ever i go and if someone makes some mean comment I respond to them. They usually are talking behind my back. I then just tell them the facts of service animals. If someone says something about its my decision to smoke, I agree but would appreciate if you would not smoke inside here. If they get weird I say well you would not want me to pee in your water, so don't pollute the air where I have to be! I am usually light hearted about it, but I mean it. "Do I care if they like me, uh no.

You are way ahead of most, you are a loving, gentle being. So go look in the mirror and say I like you! I mean it. The more you highlight YOU the more beauty will come thru. Let your freak flag fly!!!

hugs,debilyn

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

daisy31 wrote:
. Alcoholism has stripped me of a lot of self esteem and self acceptance. I am on a journey to find me again and become whole. I deserve it. Thanks for listening.

Dear Daisy

I agree. You do deserve it and are well on your way.

Thank you for your wisdom and powerful message

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