Boundaries - Al-Anon Family Group

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Boundaries

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

QUOTE.... I have been asked to write down my boundaries, my bottom line, what will add to my recovery, what will take away from my recovery,

I think you know more about boundaries than you think.............what is the best for my recovery????? distancing myself from toxic, abusive, lying, aggressive people....Not being taken advantage of....Helping, not enabling my fellow man......When a person says something to me inappropriate, I can say I am not comfortable with that kind of talk and tell them that if it persists, I am "outta here"....boundaries i have to set on myself..like allocating time for my board work here, and my al-anon literature, got lots of al-anon books, I need to RE visit......boundaries on how much junk food I allow me to take care of my body.....

I think when you really sit down, like I am on this "short take" here, what blesses me???? what takes away from me?????

That my friend is boundaries....U got it....all a boundary is is setting limits on what I will accept...tolerate... what I DONT want or accept or tolerate......

It doesn' mean I am selfish, oh no....all it means that when I give now, I give from the heart, w/no expectation of a "pay back" and I do it WHEN MY NEEDS are met FIRST....I take care of ME first then share what I can....

even my body has boundaries....for whom do my lungs breathe?? ME for whom does my heart beat??? ME....so to take care of those organs means taking care of me so I am not useless to the ones I can help help themselves and that is a biggie....the ones who want to help themselves...that is not walking the path of another nor is it taking upon their life knap sack that they can tote...I am only assisting them with a burden that is too big for them...

I have a neighbor who never waters his lawn...NEVER...and I used to go out and spray his grass ...then i thought...."if he sees his grass green all the time, he is not going to be aware that HE needs to water his lawn b/c I am watering his lawn"

So I stopped...and Yes the grass got pretty brown until he saw it and began taking care of his own stuff

That is just one example.....Others are , like I said, what is GOOD for me, I embrace.........what is NOT good for me, I let go

hope this made sense...i have an awful "crick" in my back and have to stretch, LOL.....PEACE an keep coming back

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks so much. It makes a lot of sense and I appreciate it!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

For me some are I don't allow people to treat me rudely.

If someone gets upset by something I say, I ask them to please tell me what they thought I meant. It was always misunderstood.

I do not allow people to cuss, smoke litter, be abusive on my property.

teach people how i want to be treated.

do not tell me what to do

do not try to control me.

If you are not loyal then bye

do not even tell me how to take care of my animals, or ask me why I have so many.

accept my relationships and do not question them.

I will not listen to dirty jokes or racial ones or ones that hurt someone else.

do no gossip with me.

Love me how i am or bye.

call me anytime

ask me for help anytime

look in my fridge anytime. lol

do not pick my flowers

do not hurt or tease my animals or my hair will stand up on end and you will find yourself physical thrown off the property but a very short, well muscled woman!

I will not ignore abuse around me. If I see or hear it at the store, I will ask the person if they are ok, ignoring the abuser.

I will ask someone if they need help in a store.

Do not ever expect me to ignore suffering. if we are on our way to a wedding, even my own I will help whoever or whatever it is.

I will always help kids and babies. I will smile at them, wave at them, talk to them. ask their parent first if it is ok for them to pet my dog before I let them.

um boundaries, no illegal drugs around me.

I don't mind drinking or drunks like at a park. Expect me to be polite to them.

do not threaten me.

expect me to always protect animals even if they are on YOUR property

do not come to my home with out calling first.

do not climb over or around my gate.

do not bring fire crackers here or shoot guns.

geez I got a million ofem lol

I believe it is what you want in your life and what you do not. What you will put up with what you will not.

I won't be your friend or be in your company if you lie, steal, hurt others, sleep around,try to blame me for your bolony, or if you gossip or tell bad jokes.

If you EVER put the creator down, EVER you are worth NOTHING to me. NOTHING. I respect all beliefs I respect your right to thave different beliefs and will never tell you you are wrong. My Father is the best, I fear him in a way that I never want to do wrong on purpose or hurt him.

boundaries with my kids grandkids family loved ones.....It is a given, I am more protective than a mother bear or wolf. be afraid, very afraid, NO I will not do revenge. My HP has better ways of dealing with you.

hugs, debilyn great question!!!

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you very much for your input!!

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

For me the boundaries change and evolve over time. I have different boundaries today than I did a week ago. One sure boundary I have is not to be shouted at, humiliated or ridiculed. I simply don't put up with it. The issue with boundaries like many other issues in al anon is that no one is going to like you when you have them. As people pleasers so many of us had no boundaries at all.

I am glad you are looking at this issue. Confusion is just a small part of it. Confusion is normal. Confusion is a step along the way.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.