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I just want to put out here for those trying to remember that the A in their life is not ok and that yes it is their thinking, keeping the focus on me is where it is at.
Last night was visitation with the kids .. first off my daughter gets a text later after court, apparently STBAX must have gone into work and he was NOT a happy camper when he left court. Are they coming over? Umm .. let's see .. we've had this visitation for the past 18 months .. probably about 95% of that time it has stuck to every Thursday. He has continued to ask this question over and over since the EOP went into effect. Now .. it's been 2 weeks and nothing changed the first week sooo why would it change now. Obviously he's not ok. There were some weird things that happened during the last visitation and he made the other mom feel weird. Now she knows nothing of what's going on.
Soooo back to last night he announces to the kids that he wanted to know if they knew the password to the Netflix account .. MY account .. not his .. this is MY account. My mouth fell open and I started laughing. The kids don't have access to this information for this EXACT reason. I don't want them in a weird position where they know and have to say no. This way .. no pressure no foul.
Anyway, .. just because someone is behaving in a semi normal manner .. if they are not getting help .. they are not ok. I keep getting little messages like this from God. It reminds me that his thinking is flawed and that he really doesn't get what is going on.
I already know the next step .. LOL .. keeping the focus on ME. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do .. unless he's stealing from me .. in terms of not paying support and siphoning movies from an account I'm paying for!? LOL!
I have watched other people fall into the trap of thinking ... ohhh he looks soooo normal .. and I laugh and go .. well he's not. If you think that .. more power to you, .. I know what my truth is and I see what he shows me. It is amazing to me that people can be easily fooled into thinking he is ok. It is what it is and I am grateful I am where I am.
Without question I would not have this clarity without the support here and without the support of my f2f meetings both alanon and AA.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Cunning, Powerful and Baffling it is...yes it is. Good that you have the amount of recovery you have gotten up to now. The day will come when the disease will no longer push on your tools and then?....Thanks for the ESH Sis...I'm in support. ((((hugs))))
Ohhh Jerry I hope sooner than later. I won't know how to act when that happens ... what a sense of relief it will be. Now that I have the extra time with the eop my focus is choosing to not think about or talk about the stbax unless it's atty court related. I've been spinning hard the past couple of weeks. That's ok .. it had to be that way during that time. Now it's past!! Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
After a while the "practice, practice, practice" becomes "living the principles in all ouraffairs...where ever and with whom ever we are. You are getting there very well. ((((hugs))))
so glad you posted this...my exAs sister is here from out of state...visiting...and when we were together...this was such a fun time...we had so much fun with her. Now, during her visit, she will spend time with the exA, his+my kids (their aunt), and their other sister. The older sister is the one the exA is living with...and supports him despite the fact that he has not worked in many years...and I'm sure is taking advantage of her...
I feel betrayed by his sisters sometimes...and other times I question my perception and wonder, like you..."is he really okay? is he normal, and I am the one who's unreasonable?"
Its hard for me to imagine how his sisters, who I was once close to, buy his BS...his family does nothing to support the kids, their namesakes. This summer he will have them a total of 3 weeks...and that makes him DAD OF THE YEAR!
I fail to see how they can't see how sick and irresponsible he is, and blame me for ruining his life. Yah..I'm the bad guy...and he is normal. RIIIIIght.
I know what others think is none of my business, but it hurts knowing that people still support someone who has been so irresponsible (and continues to be) and who has caused so much hurt.
Yep, the As aren't "normal" -- but sometimes we are the only ones who truly know their demons...as they can hide them from everyone else...or people choose to be blind to certain things in order to keep peace, or cling to the rationale that "it's none of my business..." to avoid confronting the issue...
Hang in there...and remember...we are OFF the crazy train!
