The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been at home contemplating all that has been going on. And I finally reached out to an alanon friend from the meeting. I felt like I was going crazy. He came home for lunch and acted like nothing had happened and so did I. Then I thought to myself why did I engage in his crazy fight? I'm learning that his thoughts and actions are not rational ones. I know at sime point I'm going to have to leave him but for today I'm not ready emotionally or financially. For right now I just need to detatch, detatch, detach!!! When I engage in his argument it only escalates when I don't their is no one for him to fight with. My alanon friend told me to be like a soda machine. She said when we put money in the machine for a drink and no drink comes out we start to jingle the coin return, push the button repeatedly or bang/kick it. The thing is the machine does not respond to our behavior instead it just stands their and eventually we give up all the banging and go our way. That is what I need to do so I can have peace whether he loves me or not I am loved by my family and friends. I'm feeling better Im going to do some reading from the alanon literature to strengthen my heart. Thank u all for listening to me and giving me valuable information. Thank you for showing me love and compassion :)
Hi, newgirl17. Glad you reached out and are in a better place emotionally than last night. As Hotrod suggested last week, Al-Anon suggests making no major decisions for at least 6 months into the program. Emotionally and financially, you're not able to move and its good you recognize that and good that you see you are going to have to leave him in the future AND it doesn't have to be right now. The more Al-Anon recovery work you do, the better you'll feel and the more options you'll begin to see for yourself.
QUOTE.......My alanon friend told me to be like a soda machine. She said when we put money in the machine for a drink and no drink comes out we start to jingle the coin return, push the button repeatedly or bang/kick it. The thing is the machine does not respond to our behavior instead it just stands their and eventually we give up all the banging and go our way. That is what I need to do so I can have peace whether he loves me or not I am loved by my family and friends.
Neshema.......OMG, I needed to see this....that is what I was doing with daughter #2...(if you want to I have a post somewhere about her) Ohh this is what I was doing...jiggling the handle...banging on the machine....wearing myself out fighting her and for WHAT???? Sore body and no drink, LOL...Thank U for this share...U really clarified something for me.......HUGS....and oh yea, re: the b.f. or husb...the ole detach detach detach is what I did until I just decided that I was better off alone, but I sure relate to the "financial" bind..Sometimes we can't leave when we want, but we CAN "go away" in our heads........good luck :) and thanks again for this brilliant share :)
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Good work, it always helps when you reach out. You are in an difficult situation especially if he is losing his mind. Your coping so well. I hope your answers come really soon.x
