I remember reading in a book about alcoholism that whether you do everything the alcoholic wants, or you don't, it is not going to make them treat you any better so you might as well take care of you. Of course in the beginning of my recovery I did not believe that, as my alcoholic had me riddled with anxiety every hour of the day thinking about every move I made.. I desperately wanted to do what was right for our relationship even if it was self sacrificing and unhealthy for me. Of course it changed nothing, and every time the "zinger" came where he would treat me horribly and totally disregard me because of his Alcoholism, I was completely shocked like it was the first time and hurt deeply. Cry, be afraid, and start the pattern again. 

Enough of those and I got angry and disgusted enough to realize he will never change as long as he drinks. So I might as well do what is best for me. I started to go to Al anon every day, (a month or two ago), and found a therapist, and quit our couples therapist because she was part of the problem. I went out with my friends more, and started to truly embrace detaching w/ Love. I let go of his drinking, and trying to control situations to keep him from hurting me. I accepted it as a disease, was full of resentment and started letting go. And now I am praying for him and I .. 

In my detachment process, and him realizing what was happening, he went through extreme fear of losing me, to complacency of realizing I wasn't going anywhere and blaming me for abusing and ignoring him, to now anger that I am not reacting to his "junk" and can maintain happiness and go out with my friends, live life, and not obsess about him anymore. Two nights ago he invited me to a dinner after work, (he used to just go without me and not even call me- drink- then act aloof). I went and stayed only for a bit, and then I left happy with a smile on my face to meet my girlfriend. He wanted me to invite him to meet up with us later but I did not do that, b/c I didn't feel like it. I was sweet but just did nothing. The next day I did not call at all, or worry and by six pm last night he was furious with me declining all invitations to spend time together and even hung up on me. I did not react. He is now giving me the silent treatment. 

I realized, whatever I do - whether it is all for him to make him happy, or to treat myself like a human being- he will still have his episodes and knock the pins out from under me when I least expect it- When he needs to drink or party and disregard everyone else.  He will still try to emotionally manipulate me. And I am just sad about it today, and frustrated, b/c I realize I have no influence over how well or bad he treats me in this relationship. I know that this is " giving their disease back to them, " and that is the best we can do to give them a better chance of sobriety by living healthy for ourselves, but he is ENRAGED and feels abused?  I am not 100% well so every day i work on my recovery still, and fear losing him. (crazy I know.) I feel down today and just wanted to post. sorry its always so long..