detached on the outside...fuming on the inside - Al-Anon Family Group

newgirl17 · Member

detached on the outside...fuming on the inside

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I know what that's like...plainly it sucks. That what it was like when my alcoholic/addict wife used it. It changed for me when after I prayed I exercised the courage to follow thru. For me God's in the process. Staying in the insanity if "self" abuse. Keep coming back and if you're attending Al-Anon Face to Face meetings continue with your program. If you are not...call the hotline in the white pages of your local telephone book and find out where and when we get together in your area. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I learned that they like to be with others they do not have to please or try to be something they are not, or something that takes too much effort.

Thus cheating with others of ill repuke like Popeye calls them.

With us they want to be better, please us, they feel below us. It becomes much more comfy to be with someone they just use. Not all but just generally.

has zero to do with us. We could be the best mates in the world and they still would gravitate to wanting someone to whom they feel superior too.

The thing is do we want to put up with it?

I don't know what you are looking at as far as a home. But on Craigs List there is a place to look at shared homes. Some have their own private entrance. You can also advertise for what you want. There are ways to be frugal as heck. I actually prefer living this way. Keeps things simple. I would not mind a hot plate, my microwave and a little oven on the counter! As long as I had a bathroom, and one room to live in, heaven with no A disease to keep tearing me up.

I hope you find some serenity. hugz, debilyn

flinn66 · Senior Member

Its horrible isn't it, I had to come to the conclusion a long time ago that my ex A's sexual games were just part of his illness, drunk and horny seem to go together with some people. I realised that the only time I was wanted sexually was when alcohol was used, it made me feel 'cheap' and 'inadequate'. I ended up having counselling and came to learn that it was really nothing to do with me, subsequently by being in Al-Anon I knew that it was just another feature of the disease of Alcoholism.

He had to leave last year when I found that various sexual partners had been in my home whilst I was away on business, these 'internet' liaisons were something I always suspected, i suppose tolerated as long as they were away from me, but in my home No! being my home I was able to make him leave, it was a tough decision but the right one.

One year on he has managed to twist his thoughts and now in the same line tells me how he cannot live without me but at the same time accuses me of all sorts of seedy sexual hook ups! - Go figure - of course its just that alcoholic thinking in action again.

The last thing on my mind is sex! Pity because I think it is such an important part of a loving relationship, but for now I am enjoying life on my own, I am learning to rediscover me and if its right maybe a relationship will happen in the future, but for now my relationship needs to be with my HP.

You are good enough, repeat it to yourself, you really are

Hugs

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

No more to add to the wonderful E/S/H you've received above other than to say how good it is that you felt anger and are using it to move yourself into a better situation rather than self-flagellation because he is so sick. Much support as you listen to your HP's wisdom and guidance and do what you can do to encourage and support yourself through this temporary, but very hurtful situation.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.