The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a rough day yesterday, my fault really because I answered the phone to my ex A, just not really thinking!
Anyway wont bother to relate the detail, but the usual whinging self pity and how if we could just get back together everything would be so great, how everybody abandons him etc, etc, ah and of course how he cannot pay his bills again!!
I felt pretty angry for the rest of the day and just for once rather than pushing it down inside I let those feelings of anger and resentment come out. I got on the phone and called some Al-Anon friends - they made it OK to be angry, OK to let it go, OK to release all those pent up hopes and fears.
I then unplugged the phone and had a quiet evening allowing myself to really think and to read and to pray.
Today I feel good, the moment has passed and I awoke with this simple thought that "How important is it? depends on whether I react. So many times I have hurt myself reacting to the comments or criticisms of others but do the opinions of sick people really count? They are just projecting their fears on me. If I dont react I can maintain my serenity, know I am not perfect and quietly, peacefully seek the loving guidance of my Higher Power to remove my defects of character and place my life in its true perspective
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
We should never stuff feelings. Al anon suggests that we need to acknowledge them in a safe environment, clear away the initial reaction and then have the clarity of vision that our true selves can offer. You certainly did that .
Thank you Finn for those words of encouragement. I too have an AH who is soon to be my Ex. He constantly wants to whine, complain and dump a lot of guilt on me for asking him to leave. It is a whole lot of self pity that he has no one to blame but himself. Thank you for helping me realize that it is ok to be angry and to let go of those feelings. I tend to hold them inside way too long. I also love your comment about "How important is it?" I have to keep reminding myself that these comments are coming from a very sick person who has a lot of fears himself.
Thank you for the great reminder, Flinn! I have come to think of reacting as my volunteering to carry their dumpster of ugly.... practicing, practicing, practicing...
Hello Flinn - when I got a new cell phone I decided not to give my ex the number so he could no longer ruin my day with a phone call. He's blasted me about it, made it all about how paranoid "I" am, how negative, secretive, etc, but who cares, I have peace and, like I said, he can no longer ruin my day with his issues.
It IS ok to be angry - boy I can't tell you how many times I ranted and raved in the privacy of my car as I drove - perfect place to get it out without damaging any innocent bystanders. I figure I had to get the anger out of me so it couldn't damage me inside.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Not answering the phone allowed my weekend and Monday to be quiet, bliss! However Monday did bring a barrage of e-mails which vary from the 'cannot live without you' to accusations of my 'sexual infidelity' oh and also the words to the song 'Closest thing to crazy' - aw you can say that again Actually I was thinking in his case the words to 'Psycho Killer' might have been more appropriate!!
All of course designed to bring about a reaction, so my mantra has been "Don't React, DONT REACT". It works if you work it.
Actually my only reaction is to feel pity for him, he goes to court Thursday so that is what this is all about. He wants my support, to take it all away so he doesn't have to face up to his actions and face the consequences (not within my gift of course). I will allow myself to protect my sanity and peace, but i will also allow the compassion to feel for all those suffering from this horrible disease.
I am meeting an al-anon friend for lunch Tuesday, how lovely is that,
This disease is certainly a wounding one if we let it. The good news is that when we can see it operating, it holds much less power over us and we don't engage! Good program work, sister. Helps me feel stronger to see your program recovery at work. Thanks.
pssssst. remember what Flinn said... cause that's how it works. 
(((((Flinn))))) that one IS important. Mahalo 
Actually I was thinking in his case the words to 'Psycho Killer' might have been more appropriate!!