The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I said the Serenity Prayer a few times today and I'm okay. I was informed that I did not qualify for sliding scale medical assistance from a community clinic, to simply get a physical and some basic blood work done. I'm down to 121 lbs, from 142 just over a year ago. Do not have a clue as to why I'm losing the weight, although a few ideas have been whirling around in my head for the past few weeks, and suspect it has a lot to do with the level of anxiety and stress I have been operating under for a pretty good while now. The person I spoke with could not answer the question as to why not or what the problem was, but instead simply said a letter of rejection was being sent out to me and I could appeal the decision within 30 days. I am assuming that the answer to my question about why will be in that letter.
Anyways, instead of falling into a state of despair, hopelessness and all that kind of yuki stuff, I just said the serenity prayer a few times, turned it all over to the care of God as I understand Him and am going to just keep trying to move forward on the faith that something will unfold for me that will allow me to get some much needed medical attention before I fart and disappear by evaporation, in broad day lite! LOL
I guess this program is working because I didn't fall into any of the poor me stuff, think anything foul about the decsion maker(s), or let it really bother me too much. I just simply said, "God, you know what I need and you know what I'm willing to do to obtain it, but it might be a tad bit bigger than lil' old me to work out the details of... so, I'm turning it over to YOU and asking you to open the right door, the right avenue, or provide me with the means by blessing me with a few big jobs that will allow me to take care of myself. Help me keep moving forward and keep following through, and allow me to see what other options might be available for me to do. Amen"
As soon as I said this simple prayer a calmness took over and I knew I was going to be alright.
I reduced the dosage of the Remeron and Buspar I was prescribed by half, because it made me so tired and lethargic this past weekend. Today I got quite a bit done and felt pretty good through out most of the day. So, between my HP and my meds I might be able to get through the storms of life that would usually rock the boat. Anxiety level has stayed below a 5 on a 1-10 scale, and my concentration and focus still seems to be fairly intact. So, while I got some bad news, I otherwise had a relatively good day.
Thank each and everyone of you that have said prayers and sent words of encouragement. I am so fortunate to have a place to come and just spill the beans, tell the truth, and just let it all hang out, both the good and the not so good.
I saw my son last night in a grocery store... he was buying beer. We were cordial to each other and went our ways rather quickly. His eyes looked like two olives floating in a glass of tomato juice. It made me feel sad for him, but grateful for me. I am glad no one has to ever see me looking like the theme of "Gone with the Wind". Because he didn't really look like anyone was home. Just sad.
I hope you have a great night and a great tomorrow and when you doubt yourself, or situation, you will reach out to us and your Higher Power. Then just start moving in a step of faith, and act as if the problem is already being resolved by a power greater than yourself... and eventually you will see evidence of it.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Hi, John!! Good to hear from you again! Glad you've found peace and remembered the truth that your HP will provide all that you need. If you've followed up every lead, eaten well each day (and hopefully kept it down), then, there isn't anything more you can do today. Sending you positive energy and stormin the heavens on your behalf.
I remember the anxiety and the weight loss.....30lbs in about 4 months for me. I thought I was truly sick but I wasn't.
Until you can get those big jobs you must eat and eat well. Go to the health food store and get some vitamins and things to get the weight back on. Options...
You will be in my prayers that your HP will take care of you and get you feeling better in no time.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Glad to hear you're at a functioning level. I understand about meds.....being a bit quirky myself, I always take half the dose recommended of anything! lol I believe each individual has a different response to rx's and stuff.
Anyway, wanted to offer the suggestion that from our experiences, it is not at all unusual to have to run the info/application past the big cheeses again and again.
Best of luck . Still sharing the Serenity Prayer with you... wp
Remeron is supposed to stimulate your appetite as well as improve mood and anxiety. Just a heads up - it is often prescribed for the type of depression/anxiety when people lose their appetite because weight gain was found to be a side effect that is sometimes actually a good thing.
It sounds like you are in better spirits John. How are the MIP homes doing?
