The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got a phone call from my son that is currently in rehab on Saturday and I was scared to talk to him because I felt I was going to have a complete break down after not been able to talk to him in 35 days. But he sounds great and after so long he also shared that he quit smoking. I believe in my heart he wants sobriety for himself and his daughter but, I told him I love you son and will always love you from a distance and he responded that is the only way I can love him. My heart still breaks from all emotions I go through from him. Is this part of my healing and recovery??
For now it is Gaby...it will change as you change within the program. I remember exchanging that sucky sick fearful lonely feeling for unconditional love and acceptance which included the alcoholics and addicts in my life and my family of origin....and myself. I learned to add myself and will never surrender my self...mind, body, spirit and emotions for the happiness of someone else. That is their responsibility. I can smile and watch from my life. Glad you got that positive phone call...YaY!! (((hugs)))
I have that same sucky sick lonely feeling right now myself. My son has emailed me a couple of times and I had to let go. I can't include him at this point and that hurts but I have to take care of me or all will be lost.
I pray for him everyday and pray someday we will be together again as a family
You and your son are in my thoughts....take care
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I'm so glad for you. I think we accept our relationship as unhealthy so we are scared to be back in that place. The best thing we mother's can do is work on our own recovery, set an example, detach with love x
Thank you all. There are times where I feel so alone.. I am learning that while he is getting help. I too have to do the same thing.. Because we don't know what the future holds.. I hate to project the future but fear is what I have today until I learn to work my program.
I very fortunate I found a place where I can communicate with others. There are times where I feel why did my son do what he did to me. I look at others and feel why can't my son be like him. That's the part that shatters me. Is I know I look around and try to understand why didn't he just walk that straight like like his other friends. But I was fighting the fight harder then him. Until I broke and said no more. I never thought something like the life I have been living in the past 6 months can't ruin the family. Now its learning to get my life back that kills me because I want it now. If all this even makes sense ;(
I look at my son and wonder why him?? If I could take this horrible disease away from him and place it on myself, I would do so in a heartbeat. But I can't. And it hurts. And I am scared for what the future holds. I just want my son back!
Before alanon I hated seeing young families with nice sons. Now I'm ok. I try to accept my son the way he is as much as possible. My actions around him are mostly about me and my boundaries and protecting myself. I don't really try to change him so much. I think I have surrendered and accepted my lack of control which for me is freedom.I worry about him and I'm fighting that daily because he is capable and I want to respect him more. I'm not myself when around my son, I'm guarded and cautious. I need to work on that. We are all trying to do the next right thing and that needs to be enough.x
The 3 cees really helped me when I was compulsed to try to change someone else. It was their choice so I didn't cause it. They didn't want what I had and wasn't asking for it so I couldn't control it. They were so entrenched in their choices and behaviors that they did those behaviors without even thinking about it so I couldn't cure it. I could only make the choice for myself that I wouldn't join them in it and detach and/or keep myself as least affected as I could. I was separated from my children because of the courts decision and they went with my addict 1st wife. I knew after a while that things would change because they would be old enough to make their own choices and one of those would be to be with or around Dad...goodie!! and then I was so glad to be a member of the Al-Anon Family Groups when that time came because they did come and brought lots of dysfunctions with them. It's 30+ plus years later and my eldest son has progressively wrecked his family seemingly from within a major long term "dry" drunk and using and the 3 cees are still in use. His son, my grandson recently asked for a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholism which we are sending to him without expectations. He is the father of two beautiful daughters our great - grand daugthers. Lots of smiles and cooing without any guarantees. Great Grandma and Grandpa attend to their own recoveries and stay available to share it. This program works for those who choose to work it...whoever...family or not. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
I have to add I love my son so very much and I am proud and going to be supportive for him, I miss him dearly but don't miss the chaos that he caused while he was not himself. But yet I carry so much anger..
If the anger is cause you to feel like crap...choose the opposite emotion and feel much better. The opposite emotion of anger is acceptance. When I let go of anger and pick up acceptance my whole spirit relaxes. In support (((((hugs)))))
Daily journalling can be a great Step One recovery tool for releasing anger. When I'm in the midst of a problem and journal, I receive answers and serenity from my higher power as I let go this way. Hugs! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
