The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Back in my Unsure mode. Ah sober 7 which I will stop referring to . ah . Has been out of my home for 30 days but not completely he would find a way to come back home for something . I had a long talk with him the other day positive ! I opened up and told him my inventory hmmmm was that a smart move on my half at the time I wanted to ashore him that him being gone from me was helping me self help myself to get better.. I wish I could of kept my mouth shut , now he no how I tick. Why little old me does what she does to cope. When I'm still working on that . It's like I gave him the answers to the test he never received yet , the next day he looked at me in disgust shame , how do I fix this ? This feels like another regret on my half. He been staying with a friend that's in AA and wife in al Alon and he gets a lesson learn everyday. I wish I had that. He says he better he healthy and thinks moving back home is good now . He says he can handle the boundary he changed. Yes he might of but I haven't yet , I just manage on how to get a grip and pause in that moment . I let him stay at the house last night we had a ok night till he found out I was going out with some friends Saturday night. Then the mood was set for the night. The question were asked again u mind telling where and with who. I looked at him and said if you need to no to make you feel better and secure ok so I told him. That opened up a new topic , how he wants me to come home drunk and wants me to bring alcohol drinks in the home and drink in front of him asked if I would kiss him with alcohol on my breath . Remind you all I'm not the drinker here if I do have a drink I never finish it plus I have no desire to drink. But the fact that he says he is better to me asking those request is telling me he sick and maybe a little bit more. So I slept upstairs last night like I was doing before he moved out . I was a woken with him at my bed and I leave it at that. Then question about my color lipstick he found on a towel the night before??? I had no clue what he was talking about tossed me back in ring . I don't think he ready or I am ready for him to come back in the house . I think he will have me relapse on my recovery . Any advise suggestions I'm open to any solution
I remember living with my ex ah and the intensity of our relationship kept me hooked. When I left it was supposed to be temporary but we have never went back. I felt better like you and I knew I could not go back to that life. Maybe you need to have an honest look at how you feel about your husband and marriage because there are choices. You could break up, not easy but an option. Or you could get outside help towards fixing things. Take care.x
The only suggestion I can make is go to alanon. Face to face, 3 meetings a week; look for a sponsor and work on you. The solutions will come as your own thinking begins to clear. We listen to their "Words" sometimes As if They are the "Word, the way the Truth and the Light" and we want so much to believe them. Words are empty. It's the actions we need to watch. He obviously still has the lust for 'alcohol. Alcoholism is a "Thinking disease not just a drinking disease. We are powerless over how their thinking and feelings, behaviors, etc., effect our own thinking and behavior But we are not powerless over making the decision to take care of us. I hope you will try meetings and see how they can help You. I know for me part of my denial when I was in it was there has got to be something Wrong with Me because it was too much to see what was Really going on in them. It's a progressive disease; the behaviors are what gets worse. When he makes the decision to Begin the first step, You will know.
Maybe you could even attend Alanon with the wife ? just food for thought .. it may not be a mistake he is around these two. Maybe .. You Can also Have that lessen a day .. Seems to me the fact his friend is in AA and the wife in Alanon, higher power is active on Some level in this situation ..
Thank you all for your input everything I here I take into consideration . I try to get to at least 2 meetings a week. I am so willing to learn and eager to get better. Yes this is true me and my ah do get along better apart and I have thought about the marriage and I can accept him as a friend at this time while we are apart but not ready to accept him as the husband .. I look forward to my face to face on Sunday . I wish al Alon meetings were longer . I am great full today for al Alon and the support group and every one input in helping me get what I need to get better.. My goal in the future is to help ppl like me recovery .
Glad to read you get to meetings. Working with a sponsor and sharing on how we are effected by our own thinking of them, tolerance of unacceptable behavior, learning to keep the focus on us, etc.. we will get better. Without a sponsor, I floated along for quite a while. My thoughts were always about him and never about me and how (I) felt or what (I) was doing. I love the slow transformation of the mind idea. As long as we keep coming back, listening and learning, we will continue to move forward in "our thinking.
Ms co-dependent I have been where you are, and am more or less there at the moment in some ways
I wouldn't be involved with an active A if I didn't have relationship insanity in me
It's hard for me to make a boundary and stick to it, hard for me to be around the A without getting pulled into his stuff and trying to pull him into my stuff
I think as well that I have / am seriously considering leaving and this is causing both of us to wobble as I have been underground with this thought for a long time just waiting. And of course, I don't really want to leave as much as I really want to leave.
I think of the relationship being like being in a cold bath.(guess it's a tub in the US?) The bath was cold when I got in. And when I got in I was looking forward to a lovely hot soak with bubbles and maybe even a facepack. And the reality is that it was lukewarm from the start and now it's stone cold. And I'm waiting, and I'm waiting for the boiler to heat up the water. And then I can have my lovely hot bubble bath. And I'm waiting, and I"m waiting. Shivering and not very comfortable. But I'm gonna wait until I get what I want....hmmm....what if the water heats up just as I get out of the bath, and if only I'd been a bit more patient i'd be having the lovely bath I waited for...I've waited all this time what's a few more minutes (years)? JUST GET OUT OF THE BATH!
and I don't know how to....
I am trying to deal with it by upping my meetings, recognising slips where I see them and trying to get back on the programme immediately I see them and coming on here
Remember that he is responsible for his own feelings -- you don't have to manage his feelings by telling or not telling him this or that. And also remember the saying "What people think of you is none of your business." Maybe he thinks this of you or maybe that. Maybe if you do X he thinks Y, or if you do Y he thinks something else. None of it is anything for you to worry about. Hugs.
Reading was a way to get me by when I can't get to a meeting . I'm now in a worst mess . I'm not feeling well again focusing on getting better to accept things I can't change are now things I can't stop. To tired to get out of bed or take my medication . Hunger is at its peak . Which was control and maintained when husband was home. Now I'm out of control ,I started up my eating disorder again. This all does have the affect of his recovery . Everything all links to it. I eat only to purge because I can't control nothing else but my intake. . My reading has taking a back burner and I'm back in the oven where I always was. I feel like I'm back to where I was 1 year ago.. I was getting better but I'm sick . I'm just like my Ah sober husband he drank to get rid of things he can't handle . My eating is like his drink . But I purge it up right away then re eat this has started up again 3 days ago. This is part of my inventory . I'm not proud of and I can't control it any more . My dark flaw my shameful sin . If I let my husband come back home I would be able to hide my problem but then if he comes back home and if he starts to nit pic on me . Is it work it . . Is my eating disorder taking place over my life . ð It has sorry if this is all about me today . And not about the drink , I'm being selfish and shameful but don't want pity . For my own coping actions. Just updating on how alcoholism affect all of us weather it's in front of us or not.. I think it's the disease that's worst than any out there worst than cancer . His recovery and I'm proud of him for . Has only brought my dark past to the front . So I guess I am the sicker one out of this
Tired hope for my husband and children but lost the hope for me
Oh I have let go of him . I don't worry or fester on him . I'm trying to say I focus on me now not him . Me and this is wear my sickness is surfacing .
