The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am also a former therapist working within the alcoholism and substance abuse/addiction industry (it really is that big) and sponsorship kept me away from the feeings and reactions you have stated here with very solid guideance. I learned I wasn't in recovery to fix others...I was there to get fixed by and with others. The first part of the first step is habitual for me now..."I admitted/admit I am powerless..." When that became habit I became a proper member of the program. ((((hugs)))) Keep coming back cause there are alot of us out there who actually got paid for trying to fix others when we needed to be fixed first.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 13th of June 2013 05:29:42 PM
I also have a counseling background and look at Al-Anon as an opportunity for me to take my "counselor's hat" off and to use this time as time for me. Yes, I do have times when I have to bite my tongue or not use therapy terms at meetings, but I like that fact that Al-Anon is an anonymous group and that professions and other affiliations are left at the door when I go my meetings. Having a sponsor has also served to really help me with my recovery on a more personal level. Hope this is helpful for you. It's time to move the focus onto YOU!
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 13th of June 2013 12:53:13 PM
I have gone to several beginners meetings and found be wonderful wonderful, but regular meetings are troubling to me. Hearing the individual experiences and the pain that accompanies feels like a extension of my work day. Although I get a great deal from the teachings, it is not enough to overcome the stress of feeling that I am extending my work day and not taking care of myself. After being a therapist for 35 years and working long hours with folks in great pain, the stress seems to be greater than what I get for my own healing at this particular time. Are there al- anon groups for therapists? Is there a better way I can deal with this? Resources? I would value any thoughts and guidance.
I am a therapist and I can identify. Most of the time when I hear other's stories that are full of pain and stress, I feel grateful for the progress I have made because my problems do not see as bad in comparison. Other people also listen to whining and bitching all day (waiters, hair stylists, moms with little kids). I try and remember that I am not unique and that I'm really not better off having a "listening to pain" threshhold. When other's are struggling in alanon, I don't have to assume responsibility like in counseling sessions with clients. If I can relate and/or have the ESH, I share, but If not, it's not my probelm. That is a lesson in itself. If you can learn to listen to other people's problems without feeling dragged down and that you have to fix them, that will be a major accomplishment. That is at the root of our problem anyhow - codependency.
I can empathize though. Being a therapist in AA/alanon has had it's challenges but it also has positive things about it too. In some ways, my learning curve has been quicker and I apply the coping skills I learn in the 12 steps to my work with others professionally. When you hear someone sharing someone painful and you feel it stressing you out, remind yourself they aren't your client. Then focus on your spiritual journey and what lesson there is from God/HP in what that person is saying or going through. You can't always do that when in therapy with a person. You (and me) are too busy trying to come up with suggestions to make change. Alanon has taught me to a large degree...I can't fix others problems and I'm only a conduit anyhow. It been good for my boundaries though I am a work in progress.
Earlier on, I got lots of feedback to stop playing therapist. I think I have gotten better at that. I don't see clients in my fellows nearly as much in the rooms. I see other people struggling to grow like me. I just have to remember to take off my therapist hat when I walk in the room. It never gets totally taken off having done this so long...but Mark the human being is much more important and what I try to bring forth before "Mark the therapist"
Welcome to MIP - you're in the right place. Addiction is a powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. It is an equal opportunity disease, as it effects everyone it comes into contact with and all walks of life and all professions. We come to Alanon for essentially the same reason and work the program in our own time- meaning that there will be varying degrees of healthiness at a given meeting. Read all you can, read the posts here, continue to go to face to face meetings- try different ones, get a sponsor and work the steps. MIP also has online meetings twice daily.
When I first started attending Alanon, I found the meetings uncomfortable, sometimes disturbing. i didn't think they were for me. Many years later, I returned, as there was no place else to go for help. I tried different meetings and gained something from each. As you know, it takes time to break old, unhealthy patterns and establish new ones. Give yourself permission to attend as an Alanon member, not as a therapist. The program does work- give it a good chance and please don't leave before you do see some miracles.
There are many different types of meetings. That is why it is suggested that you try 6 different meetings before deciding if alanon is for you. Here is an example of the meetings
Beginner Meetings : these meetings program tools are introduced and ESH shared so that the beginner can feel the connection.
Speaker meetings where members qualify and then others share their ESH
I have been an alanon member for many years and find that attending
Step, Meetings Here The Steps are discussed a review of how to practice them in all our affairs is the topic.
Slogan ands, Literature meetings: Here the Meeting centers on a slogan or the alanon literature and Member shares center on these tools.
These meetings are identified in the meeting schedule Beg for beg, Step, slogan literature or Speaker should all be identified in the schedule If not call Inter Group in your area and inquire.
I understand...I have been an occupational therapist for the same amount of time as you, and, it does get to be difficult for me, too, at times. I have found, though, that attending meetings and reading these posts has been of benefit in so many ways. It has helped me practice detachment, surrender and see the qualties of rescuing/fixing that propelled me so often in working (and living)with people (those behaviors burned me out). When I begin to feel burdened by what I hear or read, I take my inventory to see if I am defaulting to my therapist mode or rescuing/fixing behaviors. If so, I take the appropriate action...for me that often points to "I need to lighten up and have some fun". Also, through al anon, I have seen my pride and ego and how the fear of humilation has burdened/imprisoned me. I have been in al anon for 9 years and I really have to be diligent with my self care..this is essential. I am fortunate that I have a sponsor who is a social worker, so she understands and has experienced these kinds of struggles, too. Keep coming back, al anon works if you work it and you are worth it!
I am also in the helping/service profession. I attend meetings for myself. I am very selfish about that because I need to be. Otherwise, I wouldn't grow - I'd always be "on" and for me that just isn't healthy. I can share my E/S/H and benefit from others' E/S/H without thinking I am in the room to act in a professional manner. I am in the room because I have been affected by alcoholism/drug addiction and need help. I tend to see these meetings as "peer ministry," which helps me take off my helper hat and relax into the healing benefits of the program.
The best analogy for my own experience is that I'm a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, and when I do my own workouts or attend a class it is easy to feel burdened, like it's more of my workday. I have to remind myself that this isn't work, this is for me. It's about my own self-care. I guess it's a form of re-framing the situation.
I can understand completely how you feel. I am also in the "helping" profession. When I get off work I just want to do something completely stress-free (like read cook books, or classic novels, or work in my garden). Hearing or even thinking about emotionally draining situations is more than I can deal with some days. On top of that, my work requires that I do a lot of driving every day so I am also unwilling to get back in my car and drive to a face to face meeting on a work day evening.
In my experience, when I started truly going to Al-Anon with open eyes, mind, and heart - I started seeing a whole lot more than people sharing their pain.... You'll also see amazing stories of accomplishment, perseverance, and success, mixed in with some stories of absolute tragedy, pain, etc....
Nope, I'm afraid there is good news and bad news for you..... The bad news is that therapists aren't exempt nor allowed a higher status than everyone else in our recovery..... the good news is you DO belong here (and in meetings), and there is a chair with your name on it!
Keep coming back
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That goes for both alanon and AA. I thought I was never going to see another person come into AA AFTER they were already a therapist or even a substance abuse therapist. I've seen it. Several times.
In alanon, there are no status', religious beliefs, political views, personal finances brought in to meetings, etc., we leave it all at the door so that we are able to share in an anonymous safe and Equal atmosphere. There are no professionals in alanon even when professionals (outside of alanon) sit at the table; there still remain no professionals. Yet since as human beings we learn by experience, we sit among experts who have learned through their experience of living with the powerful effects of the disease. As read in some meetings, We understand as perhaps few others 'Can (including the professionals) the effects of the disease, etc. no matter who we are, the power behind the disease will always be More manipulating, cunning, powerful, baffling, confusing etc., you name it.
It's hard to come into the rooms of alanon with intelligence because sometimes that actually hinders more than helps. The Wisdom to know the difference is to know there is a huge difference between intelligence and wisdom. I hope you decide to give alanon the chance to work. How ? by sharing honestly openly willingly (for yourself and in regard to yourself). The difference between the extended day at the office and then at alanon is that at alanon, You get to share Your story among those who understand and among those who will share experience back to give you strength and hope; never advice. Humility means willingness to be teachable. There is So much to learn. We only need to keep an open mind and keep coming back.. Infact, there is a saying in alanon that says, "when the student is ready, the teacher arrives." when will we be ready? when we are humble (Willing .. to be teachable)
The steps will work for you too if you work them. Same boat as all of us. Good luck in this. I have Never known anything to help more. When I myself went to professionals the first time, Nothing Ever helped. I heard nothing. With the steps and the Spiritual foundation, I can begin Then to open my mind to other professionals. For me, they aren't useless, it's just that without the spiritual foundation, nothing is 'heard because Even they are not stronger than the effects of this disease. wishing you much serenity in your search to find what's right for you.
We recommend 6 consecutive meetings before deciding if alanon is right for you or not.
didn't read the above posts before responding .. if I had more time I would have read them all before posting a reply. this may be redundant but it seems in alanon, regardless of how many times I hear something, sometimes I don't hear it until I hear it a few times.
I want to thank everyone for their heartfelt, generous and helpful replies. I just want to clarify that I never felt like a therapist when attending a meeting. I never had a desire to share that I was or to act in a therapeutic manner....fix anyone or give advice. My issue was a little different. I am often emotionally drained by the intensity of the work that I do. I work with very sick and dying people as well as profoundly emotionally disturbed individuals. I have excellent boundaries, but I don't think I could be good at what I do if I was not able to have empathy and was not at times overwhelmed by the pain that some individuals endure. I don't think that is dysfunctional. I also have a strong and active spiritual life going for me. I am doing better with my identifier from all that I have learned. Maybe that is where I need to be.
Wow! I didn't realize how many professional counselors, therapists, etc. we had in here. :)
It's great to see and it's great to observe and know you're all capable of following along with Tradition 8. :)
I can only imagine that it would be difficult to not step in and assume authority because of your professional background, but I think reminding yourself that you're in those rooms for YOU, and adhering to the guidelines of not assuming authority, directing or giving advice might be helpful. I don't know if your group reads the Three Obstacles to Success at all, but that's one of the items that gets read out loud... the part in particular about dominance.
I have unfortunately attended a group where one gentleman was a professional in the field and it was definitely clear he struggled at times with taking off his professional hat and participating as a member.
I love going to the meetings because it is a group process. In my own work, things are pretty much all my responsibility - not shared due to the structure of the organization, titles, etc. In Alanon, if I'm low to the ground, I can stay low to the ground, even if a newcomer in great pain arrives, because I know there are others in the room who will (not can, will) step up to the plate and lend their E/S/H while I sit in my "animal healing" mode and simply let myself be when necessary.
There are no Alanon groups specifically for psychologists. Although outside matters such as therapy are not discussed in an Alanon meeting, it's suggested that anyone feeling the need should seek outside help of a professional as an additional form of self care.
Since the Alanon program is a 12 step program... something aside from therapy sessions, finding a sponsor and working the program through mutual sharing about the steps/traditions and principles of the program can aid anyone of any profession in securing a "happy, joyous and free" life.
We leave our professions outside the doors of this program and come as equals. Although I have been attending meeting a very long time, sponsoring others and have been sponsored, an attempt to either sponsor myself or set myself apart as an authority would separate me from my fellows, my higher power and give rise to my EGO edging god out. With best efforts towards humility, I keep coming back.
"Keep coming back, it works." TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 18th of June 2013 07:14:12 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
