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This is my first post. I am scared. My Therapist said 'Go to an Al-Anon meeting. It will help." I'm afraid to go. I'm afraid AH and I will fight. He's a weekend binge drinker. He's done this his whole life. He was raised around it. When you're not working you drink. He doesn't do it during the week so much but the weekends are scary. It's to the point that when he picks up a beer I get a knot in my stomach. How many beers is he going to have? Is there Jameson in the house? So I try to find reasons to go to be early.
He's combative, he argumentative, and he started hiding his drinking from me since I've been going to Therapy. He's not an Alcoholic he tells me. My Therapist says I'm totally co-dependent and now live in his bubble and until I figure out a way to help myself and my girls he'll continue to control the situation. He's horrible to me at times. He does little to help me with the kids and the house but thinks he does everything. He's been arrested for 4 DUI's. 1 was removed from his record, 1 he got off on, and 2 he was convicted. We're on #4 right now. He's been without a license for almost 3.5 years. He goes back to court the end of the month but that will only get his a BAIRD in ALL cars, which pisses me off that I have to deal with it, and a work permit.
I've done all the driving, taking care of the kids, taking care of him taking care of everything for as long as I can remember. I'm questioning why I am even here anymore. I am questioning what this is doing or will do to my girls. I am questioning if this is where I need to be. I am SO SCARED! The whole things is overwhelming and out of control. I don't even know if I am in love with him anymore things have gotten so bad.
He thinks that because we have been getting along better as of late that everything is fine and there are no issues in our marriage. It's only becuse I now know how to avoid and walk away. I think I just need to keep being told that I need to go to a meeting. I think I needed to vent to people who may understand. There is so much more...SO MUCH MORE! I just want to cry every time I start talking or thinking about how my marriage is a sham. And my kids deserve better. I deserve better. but I just can't figure out how to make that happen.
Hi, Lesley: In Alanon, we find answers to questions that once baffled us. What you are describing here - his behavior/your behavior - is the disease's effects on us. We are glad you found this board - it will be source of education, support and challenge for you. We suggest Alanon meetings in your area, too, so you can be with people who understand and can be of physical support to you and you to them. There are on-line meetings here, too. Lots of understanding of what you're going through. You don't have to do it alone.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am so glad that you found us and had the courage to share. As you have discovered you are not alone . I so understand the fear and pain of which you speak.
I postponed attending alanon because I thought I had to do it alone. One day I realized that I could not go on and walked into the rooms I did not speak for a long time but listened and found comfort in being connected to those who understood as few others can.
Alcoholism is a painful progressive disease . It can be treated but never cured. We who live with this disease become seriously affected and need our own program of recovery Alanon is that program .
We have face to face meeting in most communities Please check the white pages for the local inter group number and call. Alateen meetings are also available for children and are wonderful support
It is at meetings that I broke the isolation caused by this disease, regained my self esteem, my self respect and found the courage, and wisdom to make healthy choices for my life.
Please keep coming back here as well. You are worth it.
You have taken the first step to finding peace and serenity in your life by posting here. AlAnon is a fellowship of individuals just like yourself, who have suffered and been emotionally tormented and abused by the disease of alcoholism. We all have experienced and felt exactly what you have. We have found answers through the program that have made tremendous improvements in our lives, whether we choose to stay with our A or leave. The first thing you will learn is that we are powerless over the disease of alcoholism, we didn't cause it, we cannot control it, and we cannot cure it. Trying to control it or him is futile and only adds to the dysfunction in your life. Once you accept this and start to live your life for YOU, major changes will occur. I strongly suggest going to your local meetings, and also reading the books "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. You will find your way out of this. You have to realize that you too are "sick" from his drinking and you need help as well. Educating yourself and going to meetings will make you see this and lead you on the path to peace in your life.
Thank you for sharing here. We all can feel the pain and desparation in your post. I wish you love and support through this difficult time. There are answers here, and in AlAnon, that if applied will rescue you, or should I say allow you to rescue yourself.
Aloha Lesley and welcome again. It's okay to be scared of things that are different and new that you don't know what to expect about. Be scared...go anyway...sit down, listen, learn and then practice. You have already been given some mercy by those who mentioned the 3cs and that you are powerless over the disease. It ws those words that also relieved me from alot of the pressure of "trying the impossible". Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Thanks to all...I need to find my way out of this. I am so strong in all other aspects of my life except this one. I need to find the right way to resolve this for me and my kids. I need to stop worrying about how he will feel and what he thinks of me. I plan on going to a meeting Saturday morning. Stop at Starbucks for a cup of courage and then off to a meeting. Wish me luck...more to come. ;)
I'm so glad you have made this decision and will follow through on it. It's the first step to a whole new way of thinking, living and loving. My best to you.
