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so...today the exA stopped by to put up a heavy bag for my 16yo son. After the job was done he asked my son to go out in the driveway...I heard a pop-pop -- he was showing my son his that his silencer is now made to fit on his .22.
There is always this subtle message of violence...and I hate it. He knows I hate guns. I suspect he is sending a message to me...though people insist (of course) that I am blowing things out of proportion...Do I set a boundary -- no guns on my property? Or do I let it go and avoid a confrontation?
Ohhh WOW .. that is one to really sit with your HP about, my gut instinct is to say NO GUNS on your property .. however .. based upon what I'm dealing with it can be a whole new can of worms!!!
I don't think you are blowing it out of proportion, .. a drunk and guns .. seriously? That's not a straight up menu for disaster waiting to happen.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
That would scare the heck out of me. An emotionally unstable drinking alcoholic firing guns off casually? A recipe for a terrible accident, or worse. Plus he's firing them off with no warning outside your house? Plus I imagine the alcohol, and/or his own stinkin' thinkin', makes him think he's totally in control and nothing bad could ever happen. (Unless, even worse, he wants something bad to happen.)
For me, saying he couldn't bring guns over would be like asking my AH not to drive drunk. He'd say, "I'd never do anything dangerous, no way, I'm totally on top of things here." But he doesn't have the stability or the good judgment to keep from doing it.
If I were in your shoes, I'd set the boundary that he shouldn't be at my place. In my experience of alcoholics, that's the only way the ensure that they won't do whatever it is at my place. If I asked mine not to drink, he'd say "No worries, I won't drink a drop," and then he'd drink anyway. If I asked him not to drive drunk, he'd say "I'd never do that," and then he'd do it anyway. He didn't have a gun, but if he did and I asked him not to bring it, he'd say "I won't do that" and he'd do it anyway. He might do it just because he thought he knew better than me, but he might also do it because when someone tells him not to do X, he immediately shows he "can't be controlled" by going and doing X. So in my experience, the only way to stop him from doing this or that at my house would be to draw a boundary that he couldn't come to my house. That boundary might be hard to enforce at first, but it's easier to enforce than trying to wrestle a gun out of his hands.
Take good care of yourself. It gives me the heebie-jeebies that he brought a gun over to your house and showed it to your son and fired it -- and what does he think he needs a silencer for? I think your sense that he was demonstrating his power (kind of a threat) could be right on. Do you know the book The Gift of Fear? It talks about how our fears can be sensible warnings. I hope you won't allow his crazymaking behavior to put you at risk.
-- Edited by Mattie on Wednesday 12th of June 2013 10:41:01 PM
Silencers are illegal without the right permits...He went through all the paperwork and official background stuff in order to get one...and he has no criminal record.
I'm still just always walking on eggshells with him...I'm afraid of him and I'm always wondering what will set him off....
Thanks for the support, I need all the help I can get....
You have a right to be concerned with him especially with guns and his mental state. It is extremely upsetting having someone who doesn't really get what is happening and how vulnerable I feel in this situation that I am powerless over tell me I'm making more out of a situation than it really is. You have a right to feel safe on YOUR property, he doesn't have the right to bring a gun on to YOUR property.
I'm not telling you what to do in this situation again .. I know the can of worms I have opened at the moment. I am saying ok .. I'm turning left to my atty she says ok go ahead and apparently NO ONE BELIEVES that I'm really turning LEFT .. LOL!! Well I turned left and everyone is in shock .. I DO NOT understand why!
Please trust your gut instincts, you have a right to be safe that is a basic human being right to feel safe in your own home, on your own property.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh heck no! LOL. If they want to do their whole "gun" thing. They can do it over at his place (erm his sister's place who enables him right?). Great way for an emasculated, broke, unemployed, alcoholic to feel powerful. So yeah...no, I would not want those guns on my property. I wouldn't want anyone to bring a gun on my property. Period. I think you are desensitized a bit from him maybe having them when you were married.
hey pink -- actually, I never allowed him to have guns when we were married...I think at one time we had an old rifle...but NEVER handguns. It's also, I think, his way of letting me know he is RIGHT and I am WRONG. Guns are good! it's the ex-wife who just doesn't understand gun rights, etc...OY. His sister was also always morally opposed to handguns...but now she just goes along...classic enabler.
I emailed him (so it would be in writing) and asked him not to shoot a gun on my property again. I also told him I'd prefer him not to have guns with him at all on my property...He has a concealed carry permit ( I think) and so technically I can't tell him he can't carry it.
It is totally about his feeling emasculated...and big gun = big man...
we'll see how this all unfolds...his political beliefs have done a complete 180...and he is quickly becoming someone I don't recognize....so I'm not sure how well I can read him anymore...
