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How is it that in this Disease it seems the only time i Feel my Feet Safely planted on the ground is when i am surrounded by Chaos? I don't get it... When things pop Up and I Have No Time to 'Over Think it' It seems it rolls smoother, but when i take the time to Respond instead of React, It seems Tougher to find balance? Has anyone else Ever Felt this way?
I Seem to be More Fearful when there isn't as Much to Fear?
My AGram isn't improving much :( Physically she seems to be doing Really well... Mentally she looses more & more each day! with it only being my Aunt & Me going in it seems she is really starting to loose all the other faces, and names in her life... I Never Realized what a Journey this would be when I First Found her and she had her Stroke! And thru it ALL she still manages to request Alcohol & Gambling? Humm... How deep is this Disease? Well Deep enough she can forget the faces of her children, but NOT her Disease! So Heart breaking on a daily basis... I'm Grateful for our Time together but at the same time, I've been Praying for Gods Will for her, yet its not seeming any easier...
However on a Happier Note, My Great Nephew who was born with Weak Lungs Last week, is out of Emergancy Care & home, and as of yesterday is gaining weight, and doing really well... Another Great Nephew Due in August... The Boys in my Family have Really Picked up speed in the last 2yrs... :) Love all the Baby's... Not sure I like being out Numbered tho :0)
My Boy is Still on 2 soccer teams, and tho many have been shuffled & Canceled & reschudeled, seems I'm doing ok there... Its finding the time for Anything else that seems to be my biggest struggle...
The Chaos I Speak of above seems to be more within my head then in my life... I have Moments of Panic, and I JUMP... I have in the last 3wks learned how to Lay block (Building a Shower House)... and i'm doing as Much Crocheting as I can in moments of Down time because if I don't, I would sleep thru most days! Still working my Normal 40-50 hrs a week, but No complaints on that since we currently HAVE Work! Its so Hard at times when you run your own business and see what this world is coming to... My Husband is Close to Retirement, and that brings on so many things for our Future, many fears, many insecuritys, many "Of God what will we do" Moments... I know HP is in Control! And I Hand it over as much as I can and Try not to project, but I cant say that is my strong suit currently... Hard to stay in the NOW when so Much Rides on the THEN!
Just having alot of mixed emotions today... Not sure why, Just know my balance is off, and i need to get back on track! Wishing you all a wonderful week, and if you know the secret to "Ease, Balance, & Grace" I'm all Ears :) Thanks for being here...
Hi, Jozie: I don't know if this applies in your Grandmom's case: My Dad had a stroke. Was improving. Then, slowly became more and more disoriented, confused, etc. The problem wasn't the stroke, but the meds the doctors had prescribed for nausea/vomiting. Once I demanded (and demand was the only way I was heard) that he be taken off the one med that was actually killing him, he started recovering his mental acuity within a few short hours. If you can check her meds and research them on the internet through the Physician's Desk Reference or any good site for meds - you might find something about whatever she's on - if she's on anything - that is exacerbating her mental decline.
If that isn't a problem in your Grandma's case, well - lots of hugs and care for you as you work through being off balance (I like to take time just to be with myself doing nothing simple chores with nobody around when I'm off balance or just sit and be.)
Jozie Great suggestion regarding the meds from grateful2be Hope that is the answer
To answer your question about reacting or responding. Before alanon I ALWAYS thought that I was a fast thinker and instant decider. I REACTED instantly to issues, attempted to solve the problem and felt peace. When the problem surfaced again I did the same thing. It never occurred to me that I was not really responding to the issue. I was reacting to the problem and my reaction was not working. It was just a stop gap measure and was not solving the problem
When I found alanon and learned how to stop reacting and to respond it felt different. No longer was I the Mrs Know it all " who knew all the solutions and sacrificed myself for everyone. I stayed in my own life and hula hoop , took care of myself and let others attempt to solve their problems. It is harder but so much more rewarding.
