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I think your daughter can be or is in danger. I would recontact whomever set the order and let them know of the new developments and the legal system for a restraining order. I also think I would find another place for her to be other than home for the summer - maybe a friend's supervised home or relative's home and I wouldn't let him know where she was either. His disease is substituting her for you as far as my thinking goes. Lots of support as you find new ways to protect yourself and your daughter from the progression of his disease.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 12th of June 2013 09:47:01 AM
I am not sure what to do. My exah has supervised visitation which is also what our 12 yo daughter wants/is comfortable with. BUT he continues to break boundaries and I am not sure how far to push back. Last night he gt a new cell number & contacted her drunk & told her to keep it a secret from me. She said no, he shouldn't be calling & said she wouldn't lie to me and was telling me. He has a no trespass order for my house but he will park across the street & wait for her bus then confront her with his issue for the day. He showed up high for 2/4 of their "therapeutic" visits and now has supervised but won't set them up.
I was told to get a restraining order, knowing that summer vacation is coming and she will be home alone while I am at work (she's almost 13 & opted out of summer camp, which I can't pay for anyways because the ex is unemployed & I don't make enowith between work & reduced support to pull it off) so my concern is that he will come over whenever.
He has anger issues, may be bipolar, has threatened me & her in the past, drives drunk all the time (yet no DUI) and keeps skirting boundaries.
I believe he is not allowed to contact her - legally - outside of supervised visitation. A restraining order seems harsh to me. What do you all think? Oh, and I already blocked his number. She knows she can use the house phone anytime to call him but he won't answer his phone if it's from there & refuses to call her at that number.
Thank you both. Coming from a place of enabling it is sometimes hard to assure I am doing the right thing. In CT I am unable to pull a RO without a (recent) threat or harassment. So, I will have to continue to document...they used to allow RO's easily but due to RO abuse have made the guidelines more diffucult. I do understand that...so, document, document, document.
He is just so incredibly drunk and high all the time he is out of his mind. The last time we were in court he showed up smelling like a bar. I've seen him this bad and it was prior to his suicide attempt 10 years ago. I worry about him, I hate him, I don't think about him depending on the day. I have seen him better and for the sake of our child I hope he gets back there one day.
I am glad you are documenting all incidents. It sounded to me as if he was harassing your daughter from what you wrote here? Whatever you decide to do, I'm glad you've joined us.
I fully understand what you are saying I have been to the domestic center twice at this point and I got no where, .. I was told there was nothing I could do because it wasn't enough. He was walking a very weird shade of gray where I knew what he was doing however no one else would understand.
Unfortunately, as more time passes he is probably going to give you what you need. ANY texts please save those, literally I have over 7000 texts since January of 2012. I started saving them because I wanted a clear timeline for myself and for any record. I can't use most of those because it's so long ago HOWEVER it sets a pattern of behavior and that I can use.
Something that might help is that if he is hallucinating and making delusional statements that is what has helped me. I don't know how it is where you are however if I feel unsafe I am to call the sheriff's department and they will come out if they are available. That is what wound up happening for me is he sent a text that to the average person wouldn't look like anything except .. it was literally listed out by his priorities .. money, being caught lying for 18 months, and then this was the kicker .. accusing me of having an affair and he named a real person and he has fully fed a fantasy that he needs that I have a boyfriend. It would relieve him of a lot of guilt I'm sure .. it doesn't matter because it's not true and I know my truth.
Anyway, it is just one of those things that this too shall pass. Whatever you decide to do know you have more choices than you realize it's just doing the documentation and making sure that you trust your gut if it doesn't feel right it's probably not. What REALLY helped me is the fact a Deputy stated after talking to the STBAX that he wasn't ok and not tracking. So in hearing that it was huge. It validated that what I was feeling was on mark.
Keep doing what you are doing and document in whatever way is necessary. Sometimes all it takes is that one phone call, that one text and trust me there is a lot that can happen.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
