Hi everyone! I'm still pretty new here, read a lot and post little - which is unlike my RL; I talk a LOT. :)

I thought I'd share a little about some progress I have made. As a child, one of my survival mechanisms was escapism. I had an active imagination, and loved to spend hours playing alone, making up friends, and playing with toys, and reading books. This is all pretty healthy on its own, but over time, it became a vice. Even as early as 13, I remember getting a little obsessed with Cheers, and those imaginary people, and whether Sam and Diane would get together. (Yeah, I'm old! At least it was in syndication then. :D )

Infatuations with real people were rarely about them, they were all projections of what I wanted - certainly not anything I'd seen modeled in my own family, but fantasies. This is normal as a teenager, as well. Infatuations are our psychological way of preparing for real relationships. But I never got past that really. I have had a few boyfriends in my life, but far more unrequited love. And lots of periods of time where I simply escaped into fantasy - holing up at home with TV series, dreaming about the characters, worrying about what would happen to them - even when I wasn't watching.

Recently I developed a crush on someone I've known in the rooms. It's been a much different experience approaching a crush from the Al-Anon perspective. I acknowledged my feelings, and gave myself time to accept them. I did fantasize, but I also noticed when that fantasy was beginning to make my life unmanageable - when it was distracting me from my work and daily tasks at home. So I made the decision to turn it over to my HP. My HP is fairly supportive of my care for this man. He is kind and speaks with care, and if nothing else is the healthiest man I've ever been attracted to! still, I am willing to release control. I don't have to force the situation.

If it's a good idea tomorrow, it'll still be a good idea in 6 months or a year. If it's a bad idea, it's a bad idea.

So this wisdom from my HP has been a real gift, and the crush has faded at the same time admiration and care for him have deepened; opportunities arise naturally to see him outside of meetings. As I get to know him and accept him for who he is - not who my imagination wants him to be - I realize I am so very lucky to have someone like him in my life, no matter what happens.

Tonight he was speaker, and told his story, and I felt such a warmth for him and for everyone in the room as he told his story. I realized, this is what intimacy feels like. We share ourselves and as we practice acceptance and trust our Higher Power, we can forge amazing bonds. It's so much better than the desperate longing of unrequited love. I am not sure I've put this very well, but I am really beginning to value reality and gratitude for how things are, and the love I do have now in my life, over the expectation of how things will be. And to trust that all will happen for the highest good, if I can release control just a little.

This is a great post. Thanks so much for sharing your journey.  My experience with this began with recreating my dysfunctional family.  With not being part of an emotionally healthy family, I used tv characters as a model for what we should be.  My real life family never lived up to all the "best qualities" of the people on television.  It also set me up for seeking perfection in others and myself.  Ultimately, this did lead to some jaw dropping in person experiences of a very superficial kind with people who like myself had a very short attention span.  Naturally, I didn't form lasting relationships with emotionally available people because despite not being an alcoholic, I wasn't an emotionally sober person due to living with alcoholism.  Life was all about finding the next person fix and trying to fix the next person when it wasn't working in order to keep the "good" feeling.  I refused to validate painful feelings and made excuses for the other person and myself to hold onto a wish of happily ever after whether it was a love relationship, family relationship or friendship.  

Alanon showed me a new way of living.  The best part was permission to seek a higher power of my own choosing - one that loved me unconditionally. I didn't have to go very far to find that higher power either and it was so freeing to see I had choices.  I didn't have to seek an identity through other people.  I could risk to be myself and grow into the person I'm meant to be. Reality doesn't bite!    Thanks for sharing.  It's nice to hear you're in such a good place with YOU today.  I feel very lucky to have found this program too.  TT 

Thanks, everyone. I love hearing your stories, and I'm glad mine was helpful!