The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The AH was released from the hospital today on his 3rd day of detox because he refused treatment. The old danger to himself and others got me nowhere. I talked to the psych ward and got nowhere. I refused to pick him up and so did our sons. He said he had no clothes to wear home and I again refused to bring any so he was sent home in charity clothes in a taxi. It broke my heart to see what hechas become. I HATE this disease!!! I notified the police that the drunk driver was back in town but I had taken his keys but didnt know if he has a spare set. (He did) I apologized to my neighbors for the eyesore that our house has become but I can't get him out even though he is 3 months behind in the mortgage. He is out of IRA money to spend and his water has been off since Thursday. I am done, done, done as are my boys. It's between him and God now. His dad, brother and sister can put up with the crap that we would normally get. HA!! Fat chance. They are all lip service and very little of even that. I called them all and told them that they were sorry excuses for family and that I would see them at their son/brother's funeral if they could find the time to swing by. A real selfish, uncaring bunch. Now I know how he turned into such a messed up man.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
And I almost forgot one of the most important things. The boys and I decided to tell our friends that we dom't want to talk about him anymore. Ask them to pray for all of us but we all realizrd that so many of our conversations with people (even ourselves) revolve aound him. He is to be discussed in meetings or here only.
We all agreed last night to say a prayer to God that we are exhaustef and walking away and placing him in his hands.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Your post has such strength coming through it. I can't imagine how difficult that situation must have been, but isn't it miraculous when we have a change within us what good can come to our lives? Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and your boys are learning from you too.
I understand the (lack of) family involvement but so good you also recognize you can do nothing about that.
(((hugs))) So sorry to hear this. It is so heartbreaking to witness this happening before our eyes to the very people we loved the most. I, too, have been through this. In my case... I told my AH that I could not, would not, be the crutch for him any longer. His choices were his, not mine. He had to be responsible for himself and for his choices. I told him that help was there for him but HE had to ASK for it and he had to have the DESIRE to get well. I was scared to death. But, I had come to realize that I was enabling him to death. It wasn't my decision, it was his. I was lucky.... he asked and help was given.
I soooo understand your frustration of seeing the train wreck stepping out saying umm the bridge is out can no one else see that the bridge is out? I look and there stands my STBAX driving the train with no awareness that he just blew through the last of the barriers. No bridge means no go, .. NOT even to crazy town at least crazy town is a destination .. down is just that .. down.
You are not alone and it IS heartbreaking, frustrating and everything else to know and really understand how truly powerless I am over the disease. Something that the speaker cd's have helped me understand is that it's not just me who is powerless .. the alcoholic/addict is just as powerless over it. No excuses in this statement .. it's not I'm powerless and don't have to do anything .. it's I'm powerless until I choose to do something different. Until that happens .. nothing changes.
Dropping the rope is HUGE .. when you really commit to what being powerless over the disease of alcoholism really is .. dropping the rope which is what you have very much described in your original post and the following one .. you choose not to be a party to his self destruction and that is the ONLY way at this point he's going to find his way back.
I'm sending you so much love and support in this helpless feeling situation, .. he's going to do what he's going to do .. you don't have to hold the rope .. it only gives more pain because those rope burns hurt a great deal. No power of this earth is going to help him at this point .. it has to be his HP and it has to be your AH's want to get better.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Wow. I know you are hurting and frustrated but I just wanted to say that you seem like an extremely brave and strong person. As hard as it is, you are able to stand up to him and his family and tell them you are done. That takes a lot of courage.
Have been there and sometimes its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. If there is nothing you can do to turn him around, believe me his enabling family cant either. A's are like self will on steroids. They have to want to get better. Sometimes there are other mental conditions going on hidden by the Alcoholism.
I agree with not discussing the details of the Alcoholic and whats going on in your home with anyone thats not a professional on the subject. Nobody understand unless they themselves are going or have gone thru it.
Since your A husband is not in any condition to make rational decisions or control his own life. There is something you can do for your life and thats continue with attending Alanon meetings and keep coming to the board for support. Connect with your HP so you can make the best decisions for YOU and your boys.
