The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week I posted here about wanting things to change.
I took some action and found a room to rent. I have been mulling this over. I have told my A b/f as he asked me this evening if I was planning to leave, and if so, could I just tell him. So I did. He hadn't drunk since last weekends big rant. And of course that makes me want to believe things will change. But inside me I just had to take some action on my own behalf.
I don't know where it will lead. There are lots of steps to take between now and then. (aren't there always?)
I wish it didn't have to be like this. And I have to wake up to our unhealthyness together. I am trying to place me in my HP care and my A in his HP care.
I would love to think that he will get properly sober and that we can re-kindle our being together but I suspect it's not been a healthy togetherness for either of us.
Good for you! You're taking the steps necessary to take care of yourself and get your needs met. I know how hard this can be. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was accept that love is never enough to build a relationship. Love is a verb as my best sponsor used to say. Also dont listen to the words, watch the behavior. So often I would ignore behavior because my husband said he loved me. Sometimes the only way to enforce a boundary is the door.
Give yourself a big hug for taking a big courageous step on YOUR behalf. This is not easy task, so bask in that for a bit. It is awesome that you can acknowledge your wishesdesires without judgment and do the best thing anyway. big virtual hug from me...
It takes courage to trust your intuition and your HP's leading. At first, we do wish it could be another way and we do fantacize that if there is a temporary lapse in the drinking (or in our knowledge of the drinking) then things will change. But, after we take that first big step of following through on the guidance we're receiving, we often wonder what took us so long. My support for you and my understanding of how hard yet possible it is to make the move you have stated you know is necessary for you now. Many, many prayers for strength and continuing courage.
