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Why fear it now. Trust God...clean house...help others. My mind was trying to give me cause to fear and panic while I was working yesterday doing labor in my yard. I got to revisit an event which happened after and as a result of being in a head-on accident. When the EMTs came to take me out of the wreck I couldn't move my legs and was temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. Of course it was temporary then and after years of therapy and retraining, even during the drinking/drugging chaos year the problem rarely occured outside of warning signs and then time marches on right and while I have experienced blessings beyond my wildest dreams I get a reminder yesterday and have kept it from my wife until later cause I'm telling on myself now right?...I lost feeling and control of my legs again and went down to my elbows...lucky I was facing a slope and not facing away from it. Didn't feel any pain at all which in my life is a direct blessing from my Higher Power because I didn't feel any during and after the original accident either and which also is a condition that surprises the medical industry (me too!!...and I ain't complaining). Of course feeling no pain isn't such a winner when you include not getting any warnings at all ...huh? How do I handle this? What's the best way that I have learned to handle this? Could I even let go and loose all I have been taught in the past up until now? How could or would I throw all I've learned here and in the program and in and thru others away? I cannot. I will not. Trust God...work it. Surrender...work it. Don't react...work it. When in doubt dont...work it. practice, practice, practice. Come here and read and count my many many blessings because here by the grace of God I am being loved and healed. Mahalo Nui...Thanks soooo much for your ESH and support. I'm still standing for today. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks for the support...spoke with my wife and she nodded and said "you told me yesterday" and I reviewed and remembered I mentioned it not wanting it to trigger her; appropriate caretaking? Maybe so...In return she reminded me of what she had mentioned to me after coming back from her home group and the meeting that was done on page 31 of the CAL..."Opening our hearts...Transforming our losses". She went and got me our copy and opened it up to the page and the entry paragraphs on "Anticipatory Grief" and yes it is very appropriate reading for some of the subjects we have been discussing and still are presently on MIP. Fear of the future which hasn't revealed itself yet. If you haven't got that book in your library I suggest you get it or come by my house and borrow our copy...LOL hint? I've got a doctors appointment coming up on or around the subject of my neuro-system. I will keep the family posted. Love you all. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 9th of June 2013 10:00:50 PM
The 12 steps gives us a system to use in all of life that works if we work it. You laid a strong foundation throughout your years of recovery to help you get through a situation that would have thrown most people into hysteria and panic. Keep us updated?
Glad you contacted the Doctor and brought it here. I heard so much recovery in your message that it touched my soul . You know not to project, to take the action and let go of the results and to stay in the moment and in the day.
Before program and working the Steps I projected anxiety and fear of the future into every day. I can so understand "Anticipatory Grief" I have learned and hear that you have also, that grief and sadness will come and when it does, we will be given the serenity, courage and wisdom to walk through it with HP. Until grief arrives program tools allow us to not cloud the good days with worry about the unknown future. I heard this in your post as well
Yes I have been thinking a lot lately about looking back and looking forwards, and trying to root myself smack bang in the middle of the two, the past is so so important isn't it, learning from, to being able to learn, to? I have a song in mind for you Jerry F, please excuse the the pun, it's my sense of humour, you see, "I'm still standing, better than ever I did, feel like a true survivor" think it is Elton John.
Thank you so much for your post!!! What I needed to hear about "Anticipatory Grief" as the X A lies in critical condition as I feel powerless and a little guilty, even after 7 years of living apart and finally realizing I have no power in the matter.
Also thank you Hotrod for your deep words of wisdom, they are so appreciated.
Luv and hugs,
Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 10th of June 2013 01:15:00 PM
Glad you came here to share with us. What if the accident had not happened but only this incident in the garden took place? You wouldn't have the accident to relate it too.
That's a great reading your wife mentioned. I think it's so easy to retrieve old memories and project them onto our present reality.
A good practice in self care calling your doc. See what he says. Keep calm. We're here for you. Hugs! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
That's one wonderful woman you're married to Sir.. Isn't it wonderful when our meetings happen to have ( nearly always) the exact right message for us that day?
I was instantly reminded of a saying in my faith that states bring it to him, in all things my sorrows are never too small, my concerns are never too insignificant, my dreams are always welcome, my sorrow finds comfort, my concerns are lifted and become much lighter.
We are only given what we can handle with his help and guidance.
So Very Grateful You are Still Standig :) Your Spirit is one I Admire, and you always find a way to come Kickin back! Glad you made that appt. and are going the extra mile to find what might be goin on...
I am H$ll on Projecting, and Have started lately... Stopping myself before the whirling... But for me that can be 10-30 times a day :( But At least I'm stopping it ;)
I Always Enjoy the Wisdom, and ESH that you bring in overcoming your fears wether physical or other wise... Sounds like the little Lady is Quite a gal and Balances you well :) So Grateful for you & your Recovery... And thanks for Sharing your Journey Brother... Everytime I See your Name... Growth Follows And I Am Always Very Grateful For that & HP Bringing you & MIP into my life, I can look back and see how far I have come, but respect the fact I have a LONG way to go :)
And I Am Always Very Grateful For that & HP Bringing you & MIP into my life, I can look back and see how far I have come, but respect the fact I have a LONG way to go :) 