The material presented
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I shared during the week about an incident involving facebook and my mum wanting to know why I had blocked her. I am so grateful for the responses I received and was able to detach from her unhealthiness. However, this weekend I have gone away with my 2 and a half year old son and parents and what should be a nice weekend today turned into a horrible weekend. I have tried to detach from her unhealthiness she yelled at me yesterday in front of my son all because I asked something which triggered her. I know I am not responsible for her actions but I was shaking afterwards. Today she triggered me so I snapped she then slapped me across the face. I'm a 33 year old woman and my mother Physical hit me. I know I may of triggered her but being physical isn't an answer. I accept that she will not apologise and that its all my fault. This situation made me feel like a small child again I even cried on the phone outside to a friend later and came inside to hide that fact that I had been crying. That is not healthy. I have been working hard at looking at my role in the relationship and trying hard to keep my side of the street clean. Today I may not of done a good job at it but i'm only human and I need to remember to be gentle with myself. From going to meetings and hearing others share my mum reminds me of an abusive alcoholic. I have a close relationship with my dad but my parents relationship is unhealthy. I have asked my mum what she needs from me when she blames me etc. I feel I have tried and can not have a healthy relationship with her today. My husband is back from OS tomorrow and I feel we need to look to move out sooner than later. I know this too shall pass however I am no longer willing to accept unacceptable behaviour from my mother and the only way I can fully detach is not to have her in my life. I have been trying to feelings when alone and realise I am powerless over others. Its just harder when its your mother.
Hi I believe there is too much "family togetherness here. "Living together, going away for weekends together etc probable triggers her to be the "Mom" and you to be the "Child".
I agree getting to more meetings, working the Steps will help you to develop healthy boundaries while you are there and give you the wisdom to make positive choices for your life.
Boy, I can sure relate to this. My sister is a ''''slapper'''' when she hears something she doesn't like. And to be totally honest, I was too for a while. One day I realized that my behavior was mirroring my A Father so I started working on that because the last thing in the world I want to be is a clone of my abusive Father. I discovered that my need to slap came when I felt totally out of contol in a situation so I had to learn to stay out of some situations and not allow myself to be triggered. My A son did trigger me a while back - I had the most overwhelming desire to put my fist in his face but put it in the wall instead. Yep, damaged the drywall and have yet to fix that because it serves as a daily reminder of my abusive tendencies and the demon that lies just underneath the surface. Haven't slapped anyone since 1984!!
My sister has never admitted or acknowledged the abuse she suffered with our Dad, but stuffed all that hurt deep inside and it has made her life an angry one. She is 66yo now and is one ugly, hateful person who I have separated myself from 100%. Sad but my serenity is my priority in life.
Enjoy the reunion with your husband and focus your energies on him, your son & yourself - ((((sportychick))))
(((((Sporty))))) you have my heart and here is my experience "There is nojustificationfor violence. To the far left your mom earns herself a TRO and a visit from the police for assault and I know that the chances of that happening even or especially from me would be as rare as an elephant in my swimming pool. (I have neither the phant or the pool). Your mom has a longer experience and habit of physical abuse and loss of control. She does not have the natural respect for you and other family members. She lacks the higher value system that protects rather than assaults. I pray for her change because from my experience her emotional tap root is fear (she fears you and many others) rather than the opposite of it...love. I pray for her freedom from fear. I pray that she looses it now. The consequences of fear are soooo sickening on all levels. You are working harder at justifying and accepting and giving mercy and I am glad that you are considering giving those things to your self. It's okay to detach from abusive and hurtful people "whoever they maybe"...being your mother isn't justification for your victimhood. You have the time, the ability and the facility to detach...go do that as soon as you can. In support and with prayer.
