The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today my best friend asked if I wanted to go to her house and meet up with an friend. I thought "Wow, that would be really cool!" So I told my AH I was going and would bring the kids. He asked if I could drive him to the VFW and I said no, then he asked if I could drive him to his brothers house and I said no. I mean, why can't you drive yourself there? I am driving myself to my friends house. However, we all know why he can't drive. So as I am at my friends I get a text from AH saying he is at his brothers house. I didn't think much of it. Until I came home and realized he drove there. So, I am home, got a movie off netflix and am realxing with the kids before they go to bed. Who knows how he will come home??? Thats not my problem now is it. Much love to everyone!
Oh this brings back so many memories for me. Not knowing what state he might be in or if there is going to be drama. I never had Alanon so I would stay awake listening for every little sound worrying the whole night. Horrible. Then the next day if he was sober he would get it. Passive aggressive to be honest. Today, I would love to say that I dont have that in my life anymore but I do, with my 20yr old son. I have had to ask him to leave but I still get nervous and still have sleepless nights from time to time. When its your son its hard to have a complete seperation, although i do think I need that for a little while in order to restart my recovery and our relationship. The difference for me today is that I can still put a smile on my face, do something nice for myself, pay attention to nature, work on my slogans, just for today card and steps. These are our tools that help us through this. For me, its my boundaries and consequences that I must work on because only these will get me serenity. Take care.x
Great use of alanon tools! Your wording for the title of the thread threw me for a second. I actually see you avoiding a crisis by staying out of his mess. A crisis may or may not happen but it's gonna be HIS crisis. This is how you really start putting boundaries in place. They are not just stated, but they are also boundaries in your mind. You are a separate person from him. His mess affects you and his crises do cause you problems BUT, it's not primarily yours. It's his.
So again, I see you avoiding a crisis and not letting it happen. The other thing is that we know from our experiences of trying to manage crises with an active alcoholic - as much as you try to intervene, manage, control, minimize crises, that alcoholic will find a way to make a new crisis and they will happen anyhow. Thinking that you ever had the power to stop their crises is assuming you had power that you don't. So...Not only is it avoiding a crisis for you, but it's detaching from his ongoing crises for which you have no control over anyhow regardless of what you do.
