The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know what has happened to me, is it recovery, or I just don't care. I have read the book getting them sober and I loved every page. Tonight my AH came home from work in a crappy mood and I knew something was up, but whatever, I was happy. A little later he told me he was drinking again and all I said was, "it is what it is." I went back on all I learned and this time I realized that it is his decision and I know what to do if he gets in that crazy little mood. I didn't act shocked and appauled when he told me...I mean it's no secret he is an alcoholic. I just continued on with a converstaion that had nothing to do with his choice to drink. Why beat a dead horse. He knows I won't enable it, he will be held accountable for his actions, I will continue to live my life. I'm getting my haircut tomorrow, I haven't had a haircut in over a year and a half. I'm not heartbroken. It's strange. A little piece of me wants to see what he will do when he realizes he is powerless over this disease, what will he do when he falls big time. I have had an awesome week being able to keep the focus on me. It's amazing when all I needed to hear from another alanon friend was...Let's forget about your AH for a second and think of what you can do to make your life easier. It is my life and so is his. My HP has plans and this is how it will be done. I have faith that my HP knows best and I am powerless over alcoholism too, so why keep fighting it. (don't get me wrong, I know not to argue, bait and try to persuade he must learn this on his own)
That whole issue of surrendering is such a freeing feeling. He may figure it out and he may not .. that is his journey to walk and the best you can do is exactly what you are doing .. living your own life on life's terms .. it's a great gift one of the many from alanon!!
Hugs P :)
It works when you work it!!
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I remember that feeling the first time when my son started drinking again. No fear, no anxiety, no worry because I let go completely. I finally realized there is nothing in this world that I could do to help him. I was powerless.
Now I work on me to overcome all the little trails that pop up from time to time. I'm sure I will always have them but it's how I handle it is the key
Good job..... ((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
1976love, great you reached that point, I also remember when it happened the first time, what a peaceful moment...compared to all the turmoil that was the usual response. It means you are working a good program, and you are your own beautiful Self. Life is hard enough when we have to deal with our own inner issues, and everybody has, rich or poor, small or big, black or white, man or female, alcoholic or sober. It is good that we learn how to deal with ourselves first. I'm happy for you!
Just wanted to let you all know how the rest of the night went. After a couple of hours of AH drinking he came over to me and started "THE TALK" asking me what I wanted him or us to do? Rambling about should we go to marriage counseling, should we go to seperate counselors, he knows I am disappointed...again I looked him in the eye and bluntly told him, "I am fine" He didn't know where to go with that, I could see the confusion in his face. I AM FINE. Despite the rain, I have been given another beautiful day and plan to work it to my fullest. It is nice not recieving the early morning self pity texts from him and if they do start I will repeat what I said last night. I AM FINE.
