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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Having a moment ..
Post Info TOPIC: Having a moment ..
Pushka


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Having a moment ..
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Nothing huge just reflecting on my day.  I frequent my addiction of choice which is chocolate coffee and of course since I'm a spoiled brat it's not inexpensive.  Anyway, starbucks my drug of choice early this AM.  I had to laugh ... I'm kind of HHALTing at the moment which for me means (Hormonal, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), hmmm .. I'm kind of thinking hormonal is good because it throws me into shark mode and I smell blood in the water pardon the pun.  Ohhh that was bad too .. lol.  Oh well, it is what it is .. anyway, my story, .. it's funny this town is the smallest biggest town you ever want to see.  Again with the running into people at 5am or 10pm .. if I'm out I'm seeing someone I have seen or I know. 

I have started talking to an older gentleman who is very nice .. I know he doesn't remember me, I DO remember him.  The day that my STBAX got his SCRAM bracelet off we were crossing the street from the court house to the probation building.  I had just sat through court with the STBAX, as a short reminder and OMGosh as I type this I swear I'm either a sadist or a saint I haven't decided which yet, this is the same man who left me for another woman and that didn't go according to plan, played with my mind for a couple of months and I gotta own I let him because putting the family back together seemed better than divorce, this was just at this point.  As I sat through court my STBAX I'm sure in his nervousness not that it excuses his behavior proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with my appearance .. my nails weren't done, my hair wasn't right, blah blah blah .. I certainly wasn't looking like Cindy Crawford .. I wasn't chopped liver either.  Yes, that kind of hurt and being that I wasn't where I am now .. I literally sat and took it because I thought I had to. 

This particular gentleman was coming out of the door, smiled, nodded and held the door.  It was such a simple thing there was a warmth about him that I hadn't seen for a long time, it was just kindness.  I didn't recognize it because I hadn't seen it for such a long time.  Anyway, again off to have my affair with Mr Target and STBAX was with me same day ironically, .. I see this same gentleman again in the parking lot at Target and again we nodded at each, smiled and laughed because it had been such a long time since our last encounter after all I think maybe 45 min to an hour.  Well I started laughing and felt a whole lot better. 

You can imagine my surprise when I saw him sitting at starbucks this is something he does daily and when I go in it makes me smile to see him in there realizing that I remember him and what his simple kindness meant to me.  That had been a very difficult day in terms of seeing the handwriting on the wall still not wanting to really see it.  How the God of my understanding really places myself and other people RIGHT where they need to be, me included in that statement. 

I pulled through the drive thru and knew he wasn't there yet so when I got my coffee I asked the gal to get his as well when he came in that day.  She was really sweet and said she would I was insistent that she not tell him who did it.  I didn't want to embarrass him or myself really .. it's a cup of coffee and I explained much briefer than here why it was important just that I had a really hard day one day last year and he wouldn't remember me .. I remembered him very much so.  Good grief .. gotta love hormones .. I started crying just thinking about it.  Thankfully no tear spillage .. it was coming on fast .. LOL!  I did have a good cry on the way home. 

This stuff with the emotions, sometimes I do ok and sometimes not so much .. the hormones are what kick my butt big time.  I think with the court stuff coming that it's ALL very emotional and I forget that this is suppose to be an emotional time and that it's ok.  LOL .. nice gentleman and coffee make me cry apparently that is a new on the list. 

Just some food for thought, not knowing what is going on inside someone else's little world how a very simple gesture that is freely given can mean so much for such a long time.  Reminded of what simple kindness looks like and that every one deserves that even if they did have a dirty finger nail in the moment. :)

Hugs P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
beginnow


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Thank you Pushka, for your sweet story of generosity and how much small acts can carry us all! I am going to remember this and the next time I see a chance to be generous, I will not hesitate in doing so. Hang in there with your challenges, remember to be kind to yourself and keep up the laughing!... you have a great heart!

Beginnow

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bud


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((Pushka))

I had spent so many years eager to find or extract a single crumb from my exAH that other's very basic decencies or acts of kindness overwhelmed me, as well. It's cathartic when we realize we've stepped off of the train to Crazytown! Even better when we can celebrate with coffee!

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PP


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Perhaps not hormonal...maybe your heart finally feels safe do what it does....seeing God (love) wherever you go and offering sweet blessings.  I accept the blessing of this post



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Paula
Ms S


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what a lovely story. Yes even with dirty fingernails we deserve kindness.

This morning I was on the tube (train) feeling a bit fragile and loopy as I'm feeling at the moment.
One of the guys that clean up ( the discarded free papers) got stuck on the train and had to ride to the next stop. I laughed with him about it and he was so sweet with a great smile. It was just a nice moment of human warmth which doesn't always happen on the tube

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Debilyn


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I so relate. The hormone stuff, I am soooooo glad I don't have to deal with that. I was so happy to have the complete hyster. and get to feel like me all the time.

Hon some people have no idea how it feels not to be touched nicly or hugged or someone holding a door. You probably have some kind of deprivation of some primary needs.

I sure have touch deprivation. Sometimes it just makes me ache for it. Not sex, but just hugs etc.

who cares what your A thinks anyway. So what your nails were not done etc. If he loved you he would see your beauty if you wore a sack all the time.

thank you for sharing. You always have that gift of  sharing your stories like it is a movie! hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Pushka


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I received a suggestion that maybe I need to watch my sugar content and I'm going to really take that into advisement at this point. I will wait until after I'm divorced seriously speaking now is not the time for more big changes .. LOL! What I am going to start doing is making sure I am exercising on a more regular basis that is a must!!

I ABSOLUTELY need to find a way to fill my primary needs tank, because human touch is very important .. hugs are a must in our house and I didn't grow up in a huggie house .. I do make sure I give that and receive it from my children and others that come into my life. I love that part of the program the hugging .. it means a great deal.

The safety issue is a def yes as well .. I am finally feeling who I am and where I am at instead of worrying and wondering where and what someone else is doing .. I am present in the moment and that is a big big big blessing that I am open to.

I used to care what the STBAX thought and now I really could give a flying rats butt what he thinks or even what he's doing. I do care what I think though, how I feel and what I'm doing .. those are important things to me.

It is really the small stuff that matters I'm talking about the small positive stuff a smile, a nod, an acknowledgement that we are not a bunch of bodies moving around with no other thoughts or feelings. I don't mean that whole small stuff is a big deal because there are no big deals even in the worst crisis there is always hope to be found.

I sure didn't see it before alanon .. I do now .. and I am grateful.

thanks for being here, hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
yanksfan51


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Pushka:

Thank you for a great post; for me a reminder that the littlest things can be huge.  For us alanoners, that might not be such a positive sometimes!  So wonderful to hear about those human connections we crave so much.  

I'm with you as far as waiting, no big changes, getting to know me...as I am just at the beginning of the divorce process! But I find myself thinking of old boyfriends, what ifs--right now I am stepping back and taking time but it all feels sort of hopeful which is nice too.

Enjoy that chocolate coffee!

YF



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