The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For a few years now I've been trying to find a way out from under the As purse strings. It has been difficult given that when I got sick 7 years ago I had to stop working. Of course God led me to my REAL job which was going through the 12 steps where I came out of denial and found Him.
ive had a lot of trauma to work through and it's been a very long road. But I began to see that the price I paid back for A paying my rent was a cost too high.
The A had been terrified of me recovering and has done everything he can to see to it that I don't. And I couldn't find a ffinancial way to freedom.
But yesterday I finally got a phone call for a little place I can afford barely - without his help. I was accepted! Ill be free!!!
It will be very difficult. I will give A back the car and will take the bus and trains. But I believe I will start sleeping and be able to perhaps start working part time.
And every morning when I wake up, there will be the beautiful ocean crashing against the rocks outside my window. I will heal at the beach. I will also get rid of all the toxins my brain had been full of from the chemicals I have been exposed to. Not using the new car which triggers it awful (A knew this) will help.
When I started the 12 steps I said I was going to change. Setting boundaries with the REAL people had to be done first. I may have some others to set but I will re-assess those later. Boundaries doesn't mean I fight people; each one is different.
i believe God just might have a life waiting for me I could never imagine - and all I desired for some time now is to be an autonomous human being. I tried everything and this was the last thing - and I trust the right thing.
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Wednesday 5th of June 2013 05:07:39 AM
I want to straighten out all the disharmony I've caused for God and get my God-esteem back. This is hard for a codependent like me, to allow others to fall, but I've already worked through most of the guilt. And yes, i have already set boundaries in the right way with 2 people my age this week so it is beginning. Thanks PP
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Wednesday 5th of June 2013 03:21:02 PM
The way you described it sounds like it has already begun to heal you. When we "detox" from people, places, things, etc, the releasing/letting go gives God, our true employer, a place to place yummy stuff. I wish you the best.
Congratulations. I am really pleased for you. I know you have been wanting independence for a while. I think you are at the start of a brilliant jpurney. I think we all need to stand on our own 2 feet for our own well being and self esteem.x
