The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is addicted to synthetic weed. Yes as crazy as that sounds " fake weed" aka spice or whatever you wanna call it! I knew it had gotten bad but yesterday I found out how bad it really has gotten. He used the company credit card to buy it! It has been banned here. I have tried everything in the world to have it stopped being sold at the only store that I know sells it. I have called the DEA, crime stopper, even the police department with no luck. The big problem is that they wont sell unless they know you! I work nights and yesterday morning when I came home he rolled over and said " baby I don't even know where to start, I'm so sorry I can't believe your still here but im glad you are, and I am gonna fix this! He also said that he misses the way I make him feel" but he has told me soo many times that he was gonna stop and has not. I held on to the little trust i did still have in him only because I love him. Not a few house later after dropping the kids off he comes home with it and 2 bags!!!! I have told him so many times that I'm done I can't live like this anymore! I'm exhausted I can't sleep, eat I'm stressed out to the core that even my hair is falling out! Im sitting here at work about to have a nervous break down because I can't trust that he is not gonna go and get it while I'm gone! I'm about ready to walk out on my job! I know that I can't make him change or wanna stop and its not my fault! But I'm tired of being tried, hurt and sick. He has asked or help but when I try he turns from me! I feel as if I'm in this alone I want to fight this battle with him not against him. It's like I'm only setting myself up to be disappointed! I don't want to leave him I love him to much but this addiction is killing us! Please any advice on helping me deal with this I would love it!!!
-- Edited by BNH on Wednesday 5th of June 2013 01:57:39 AM
((((BNH)))) Welcome to the board and keep coming back...You're not alone. If you read back over prior post you will get a perspective from many others who have suffered as a result of someone elses addiction. Where I started was with the white pages of my local telephone book where I found the hotline number for the local Al-Anon Family Groups which are most generally for the family, friends and associates of alcoholics however the program recognizes that many are affect by the use of other substances and will work as well if we allow ourselves to get into the program and face to face meetings, literature and many other tools of recovery. MIP is an oasis of help where many Al-Anon members come to share their Experience Strength and Hope with each other so that we can overcome the affects of being affected by someone elses addictive drug use and abuse. I hope you keep coming back. Others will come forward to offer their ESH also...keep checking. (((hugs)))
Welcome to MIP. You're in the right place. Everything that Jerry said. Please find and attend local Alanon meetings, find a sponsor and start working the steps. Come here and read MIPs message boards, come to online meetings. Read all you can to educate yourself about addiction. Getting them Sober by Toby RIce Drews is an easy read packed with valuable information.
Addication is a powerful, baffling, and cunning disease and much to much for us to handle on our own. We didn't cause their addiction, we can't control it and can't cure it. Addictions often transfer - so even if the store stops selling, he may be likely to find it elsewhere or switch to a different drug/addiction of choice.
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and expecting different results. Active addiction is not rational. Placing trust in someone who is active in their addiction and inconsistent will likely lead to disappointment.
Alanon gives us fresh perspectives and skills to cope no matter what the addicted one is doing or not doing- we do this by working the steps and learning how to place trust in ourselves and in our HP. Be gentle with you. In support.
He also said that he misses the way I make him feel
This is what caught my eye in your post..this is addict talk. The next piece that would be helpful for you to ask yourself is "where am I an addict?" Co-dependency is an addiction, a less obvious addiction, but an addiction. This one stung when I first realized it, but as time went on, it helped me to keep my focus off of my husbands addictions and to keep my focus on mine. Jerry mentioned al anon and that is a great, loving space in which to explore all of your struggles in your current world of addictions. I do want to say, that, none of the addictions are personal..sometimes our pride/ego will get caught up in this stuff, then we take offense, then we feel shame because what if it is true, etc etc. It all is what it is...the al anon experience in working the 12 steps will help you to know the beautiful you and see the beauty in others complete with all of the boogers. Good luck and keep coming back!
