The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well tonight is the surreal experience of all being in the house together (middle school daughter had a concert) the night before my H moves out. It is strange but right now at least everyone seems to be doing okay. He signed a lease and got keys today, and tomorrow am furniture will be delivered. I have been feeling relieved, resolved, confused, sad, angry and everything in between!
I have already found myself having both fond and terrible memories of things that happened very early on in our 21+ yr marriage. Mostly I am trying to pay attention to how my kids are doing, pay attention to how I'm feeling, and trying to be as attentive as possible in these last three weeks of school. I guess I'm a little melancholy tonight, although everyone around me is assuring me that I will have peace in my life, I will be establishing my life, a new chapter, I'm the author, etc.
He and oldest son are watching basketball together, I am going to make myself scarce and correct some papers that were due last week...
I want to thank everyone here for the support, I feel like I was brought back to life when I became active in alanon at the start of the year. I went through a period of time when I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and was constantly anxious and the ESH helped get me through. There were more than a few middle of the nights when I went into the chat room and miraculously at 3 or 4am Eastern time someone was there to comfort. I can definitely say that alanon changed my life, and now it's time for that life to unfold!
It is wonderful that you are so aware of and can express all of the feelings you are having. Yes, they will all be mixed in together...you may have feelings of euphoria then find yourself at the grocery store when a wave of sadness washes over you and the tears get stuck in your throat. You may find a shirt that still has his smell and you just want to be held. When those kinds of feelings occurred for me, I pulled out my piece of paper with my list of intolerable behaviors and did a mental high 5 to myself. One day a time, Easy Does It, etc, etc etc. I wish for Grace to comfort you tonight.
I was thinking about you today, believe it or not. She's right, your emotions will probably be all over the place. Mine still are after almost a year of separation but the peace is wonderful.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
When I was going through things as you are, I was told to feel my feelings and let them pass. It was a huge help in moving past the sadness and hurt and towards healing. Continue being gentle with you.
Ditto to what everyone else here has posted. Be gentle with yourself and keep sharing your journey with us. You are making amazing progress and working your program so well. Sending you lots of ESH from someone who has traveled your path and has come out just fine.
YF so much admiration for the brave journey you"re on. And for accepting your emotions at this time. a brand new life is unfolding and there will be lots of happy joyful exploration as well as sad times. love ms s x
I ditto what others have shared ... someday's will feel like min by min and others will be one day at a time. Keep coming back. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
thank you all so much, for your words of encouragement and support. Thankfully most of the move is happening while I am at school teaching and my younger two kids are at school also. Our oldest son is actually helping with the move, which made me feel bad but therapist said to let it go, it could be a bonding experience for my son and H.
Don't know what the heck I will be feeling when I get home and things are out of the house; youcan bet on more posts later!
Same for me as Mattie. Some sadness followed by joy because I was free again and back in charge of my own life without the constant drama of an abusive spouse and his drugs (the ones he said he didn't need and could stop any time.)
My AH moved out 5 months ago. The first couple of weeks I cried constantly, thinking I had made big mistake. Trust me when I say it will get better. My daughter and I now have a drama free, peaceful home. Don't get me wrong, things happen, but I do not have the added stress of dealing with the constant insanity of my AH's drinking. Like everyone else says, Easy Does It. When the sadness comes, cry if you must to get it out. Talk to all of us who have been on this path to serenity. Attend Al-anon face to face meetings if you can. We are here for you! There is nothing I would trade for the peace my HP has given me and my daughter. Priceless!!!!
Thanks for sharing. You described how Alanon gave you life again, well me too. Im on my own now and I am so grateful for learning that i am entitled to happiness. I thought I deserved to be miserable some how or that the misery would end if he just stopped drinking. Neck deep in self pity. I have admired your strength throughout this period in your life and the people here at 3 or 4 est time is probably me or someone else from the Uk because its about 8 or 9 am here. Its great to know we can vent on here in a safe place where people truly understand where you are coming from.x
