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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I am sad and sorry
Post Info TOPIC: I am sad and sorry
Ms S


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I am sad and sorry
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I live with an active A and we own our flat jointly ( I am grateful to have some capital)

I have little hope that our relationship can improve as I don`t see signs of the A stopping drinking

since I started al anon a few years ago my relationship with myself is a lot better which feels miraculous and gives me hope how life can change I keep saying to myself and in al anon and to a few friends "It`s not right for me to go yet. I am concentrating on me and it will take me where I need to go". I do wonder if I am just putting off the inevitable by saying this.

At least a year ago I said I did not want to live with his active drinking. this has not changed. he has stopped drinking for a few weeks at a time. I think these episodes give me false hope. He does not go to AA. recently he started seeing a counsellor who apparently said he wont be ready to stop drinking until he feels better about himself. I dont think he can begin to feel better while he isnt sober. [ that probably isnt for me to say].

I`m not sure that I ever even wanted a relationship with him. [ruefull eye rolling at codie self here]. I wish I knew why I felt compelled to be with someone who doesn't treat me in a way I recognise as loving and nurturing

we like very different things

we both have a child (16 & 20) but not a child together

I earn good money and with belt tightening I could get a mortgage on my own again

I dont have savings and am supporting my daughter at college(one more year)

I dont yet know how to financially separate even though once sepatated I could support myself again

I dont yet know how I could pay for legal and moving fees

I know these are real but not impossible hurdles

my spirit is sad living in this limbo. I guess I am trying on for size what could be true that the A isnt going to make a serious attempt at sobriety in a time scale that I can accept while he is drinking I am detached and closed off. The relationship is stalled. This is sad and not a way of life that I want for me. living a half life. not cherished. scared of his temper. small. unable to plan things together.

 

you E/S/H appreciated please

(apologies that formatting went awol aww when I tried to post from my phone)






-- Edited by Ms S on Friday 31st of May 2013 05:39:16 PM

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Debilyn


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Dear one, change is very hard. You have many pluses on your side. I know when I made or make major changes, it helps to be proactive. Example looking at homes that are available, checking interest rates.

Maybe looking for a good counselor to guide me. Maybe price furniture or decide what you really want. Does not mean you have to go thru with it. But Just going thru some goals and some motions does help.

You will know when you are ready. I have watched many people leave their A. Most all blossomed in one way or another. It's not easy, life just isn't.

I know I am sooooo much happier, healthier. When I saw life without an A's disease poisoning it, I was amazed.

Good to see you sharing! hugz, debilyn 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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Ms S

Welcome to  Miracles in Progress.  So glad that you found us and are currently attending alanon meetings.  Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive disease over which we are powerless.  Keep attending meetings, work the Steps with your sponsor and you will know the right action to take.  HP will guide you to your right path

Trust the process.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Ms S


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thank you both for you kind words
I am going to go to a face to face meeting now and that always brings relief
thank god for al anon

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yanksfan51


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Ms S:

Unfortunately can't add much except to say I understand where you are and I'm sending support and positive thoughts.

YF



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Bettina


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Ms. S, your not feeling an emotion that I havent felt while living in a relationship with an Alcoholic.

It is hard for the person that is sober, its not an easy path.

Don't overwhelm yourself with all the things you think you should be doing. Take a step at a time.

Glad that you are attending Alanon meetings, gaining strength and confidence from the tools of the program will
help you make the best decisions for your life. You don't have to decide today and you don't have to decide all that you listed.

Just keep going back and have faith and hope that your life will be serene, whether you are with the A or not.

Remember that life does not go beyond the moment. Try to live in the moment.

Hugs, Bettina

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Bettina
Ms S


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thanks for your posts al anon friends.
I was spurred on by this (I think debilyn mentioned being proactive)
I emailed some people looking to let rooms in their homes. I have just been to see one which could take me and my cats. and it was a lovely friendly couple. there are possibilities out there. I need to have faith and act

thanks again MIP X

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