The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can you cantol any of this Cathy? What I have really admired about your growth is how quickly you now put the serenity prayer into action and how much faster you detach from other people's problems. Both your parnter and your son have HP's and they are not you.
P.S. - You have already dealt with your son doing intense begging and his pity pot routine and his manipulations AND over the last several months have show MANY times that you can hold to your boundaries. You will do the same thing again if needed because you have a program now. I believe in you.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 31st of May 2013 04:51:43 PM
Well, I get a call from my son. He is home from his visit with his father. Heard all the ups and downs but all is OK.
Now I'm told by my son that he is coming for a visit this afternoon because my PARTNER told him to come this weekend again and they will go shooting the new AR15. I didn't know anything about it and I have mixed feelings....little scared, fear and anxiety about what is going on?? For some reason I'm feeling a little lost. Yeah, its great my son is sober and he is getting along with my partner but I don't want my guilt to creep in and feel I have to do something for my son. I know he doesn't have any money, so is he looking to maybe get help from us or am I just being paranoid?
To be honest......I'm scared right now and can't shake it.
I won't be home before 5pm so he and my son will be up there doing their thing I guess. Oh and my son is bring dinner again..
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I understand this fear you are describing, but on a much smaller scale. Last time I went through this type of scenario, I forgot my boundaries completely and ended up with such a bad allergic reaction to my DD's cat, I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. Afterwards I realized that was pretty good physical feedback/proof of not being clear with myself BEFOREHAND about what I would and would not do for her that particular day. As for the fear you are feeling right now, in the absence of any concise or catchy phrases, I'd recommend giving that to your HP, while perhaps making a real or mental list on what you will and won't put up with later, should anybody try to cross your boundaries. You have done such a great job on all of it, you will probably do a lot better than you fear you will.
Good luck and I hope you all have a great evening!
With both of them you have reason to feel all that you are feeling...just keep coming back to the present moment and give the rest to your HP. And enjoy dinner
Hi Cathy, I know what you mean. I go back to old patterns when I'm around my son. I try to be pleasant and living without offering anything. really. It's hard but I try to be calm and quietish. Read up on detachment with love. You can do it, you've got the tools.x
C, You and your partner are two separate people with separate money. If your partner decides to lend him money that is his business and not yours. If he lets him spend the night that is his business and not yours either because from what I gather u both own the house. You have set boundaries stick to them and you can also modify them if you choose to. Take a little quiet time BEFORE u get home and think about what could possibly happen and if u have to create new boundaries then do so. I think it is a good thing that your son is spending some time with your partner, although since he can't get to you anymore he may be trying to manipulate your partner into something, although the fact still remains he is a separate person. If the house belongs solely to you then you are in charge of your home and what goes on there. Try not to lose your focus if u are continuing your quest to end your relationship. Stick close to the steps and your HP. You are only in charge of yourself and no one else, but don't let anyone push your boundaries. Be strong Cathy....thinking of you, and praying for you.
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Aloha Cathy...I like the feed back and relate to your fear. For me it was partly in the fear of not knowing and the fear of not being in control and then PP also mentions because she's been listening that you have issues with both of those guys recently. That would also cause me conflict. Having two people I had resentments against under the same roof with me would put me up a tree about 5 miles from my house. Plus the difference they had had also and adding in the AR15? This is evidence for the need for the 3rd step prayer. Remember what the 3rd step says. Last word is sanity and main focus is a power greater than myself. In support. Your program works just gotta kick it up a notch. ((((hugs))))
We cannot predict the outcome of things, your feelings are your feelings. As long as they dont take you over. To worry is to waste energy, until you have to face or not face what you fear. Stay balanced. Sounds like you are on your way.
Alcoholics will always be alcoholics, they are self serving and we know that. Its all good..... stay focused on yourself.
