The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
one last share of experience which may or may not give comfort. I have been working on the helpless feeling in certain areas. I'm not helpless because help is all around me but i am powerless because I lack wisdom to know what to do with certain situations, me, etc., Today I read the balance in this. Littleness and helplessness also nearly defines a young child. It's the reminder of the child inside all of us. For me it's also a reminder I'm a child of my own HP. Keep sharing !
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Wednesday 29th of May 2013 08:10:57 PM
I am feeling very hopeless right now. I don't have much hope that things will change for me. I don't know why? I need to stop comparing myself to others and their lives. Life is getting very routine and I am seeing little signs of change.
I am alone. I am lonely. I am afraid that I will echo my father. He currently has few friends and lives by himself. I currently live by myself and all my friends are moving on. I do a lot of activities by myself and I don't want this to be my life any more.
My life feels very dark. I am feeling in a very dark place. My head is very heavy. I take care of my health, I am active in fellowship, I am personable, have friends, a good job and have everything going for me. .....I am tired of being tired and tired of feeling like I can force solutions, but have had enough of just sitting here.
My dad called today to see if I was ok. He hadn't heard from me in awhile. I've been busy and also looking for a break from him. I still thought that was thoughtful though.
I'm on vacation from work. Bored and my thoughts begin to race.
Just remember, my friend, the wise words of a very simple (but profound) affirmation.
You cannot eat an elephant all in one bite. The proper way to eat an elephant is slowly, one bite at a time.
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I have days like this - absolutely - the secret is to not allow the mountain in front of us to overwhelm us.... One day at a time, one step at a time.... Baby steps are good, and picking off one small item at a time is great.
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T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks for your honesty and trust, Jim. I appreciate your openness and vulnerability. We can have all that outside stuff going for us and still feel what we feel. Glad you know that the feelings and heaviness will pass.
Yeah, stuck is exactly the word. I feel stuck and don't really know what the solution is. I tend to get very impatient in these situations and have a hard time letting go and letting god.
it's weird how I am so used to chaos and instability that when I finally do have stability and calm, I don't know how to handle it and it's dare I say, overwhelming!
For me, what is overwhelming is being along with my big fat brain. It sure does like to make up stuff all the time, creating scenarios that aren't real, creating perceptions that don't exist, and then asking me to believe them. I have had to start learning to listen to that still small voice inside, but to actually hear it, I do have to try to experience calm instead of chaos. Isn't it amazing what we get used to when it's all we've ever known?
Sending you lots of support, Jim. I know it's hard to feel stuck, I've felt that way for almost 2 years now in my marriage. I used to envy single people or married people who 'appeared' to have great marriages. Now, today, I don't envy anyone. I've come to learn that everyone's path is going to have challenges, obstacles, and difficulties and when I look at what appear to be blessings for them, may actually not be so in their own perceptions. I'm learning that we are all entitled to our own perceptions and that what really is important is staying on my side of the street and making sure I'm in God's will at that moment. The more I focus on what I don't have, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc the more discontent I become. It's truly a life lesson yet I focus on being grateful that I can learn these things now instead of 30 years from now, LOL. I may be in my 40s but I am looking forward to the future more and more despite being stuck. I know it's where my Higher Power wants me right now, everything is right in the universe, we just have to trust it to be so.
Here's what I was told about my own depression and being stuck...and it makes such good sense. Bear with me.
You know how water travels...and once a groove is made...the water travels that groove / path of least resistance?
There's a theory about neurons in the brain that mirrors this phenomenon. Once neurons get used to firing in a certain pattern / pathway, then the neurons tend to default to that path. SO..if you are depressed...your anatomy/biology is used to depression...and defaults to it...and it takes real, consistent effort to retrain your brain and grow new pathways. I hope that makes sense.
So for me, this theory makes sense. So I have been trying, every day, to do something that is incompatible with being "down" -- like blowing bubbles...listening to water...walking in nature...bird watching...to help my brain learn to function differently.
What helped me when I learned this theory was there was an explanation for my feeling "stuck" -- it's just that our brains / neurons literally default to what they are used to...like water following a path...
when I was really low, my counselor asked me what I liked to do...and initially...I could not come up with even one thing that I wanted to do...but, baby steps...watching a movie that I like...watching River Monsters (hahahah) ...crocheting...little things that I had forgotten that I liked to do..I came up with these when he pushed...so that's how I started...a list of small things that I enjoy...Dove chocolate...a good book...and the more little steps I took, the better I felt...
I still have days when I don't want to emerge from under the comforter.....but given the scary old world out there...is that really such a bad thing?
That makes total sense rehprof. I have been working on re-training my brain.
I think what it may be is that I was asked to speak at an open al-anon meeting 2 towns over tonight :o. I have done it plenty but the anticipation is always brutal ! That could explain the light headedness. hahha
When I was 24/7 on my son's issues I was so busy I didn't do anything, see anyone and lost a lot of myself. Now that it's 99.9% gone I'm lost. I'm told over and over to get out, meet people, find something to do to be with people. As of yet I haven't done any of it. I'm also afraid to live alone and so my leaving my partner is also something I'm dealing with. We are mostly just room mates now so maybe I just need a room mate when I move.... nope no room mate....:) I have got to be able to take care of me and find my life myself....nobody can do it for me.
So when the time comes I pray I will have the courage and forget the fear of finding my way and find that happiness.
I'm going to go play bingo at the casino, sit down and hopefully strike up a conversation with others. You never know :) At 61 even I should be able to find friendships and fun somewhere.
Take care and I hope you will find your way to happiness
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I love these replies. So much wisdom. I love the reminder of the Elephant. I also love the reminder that when I am having a hard time being alone; in part it's because of my distorted thinking and in part because I need the connection with my higher power. Sometimes I can be in a room filled with 20 others and still feel lonely because it's a loneliness Only God (my own hp with respect to everyone others) can fill. Although you know .. I am never lonely when I walk in to a meeting. I instantly feel better always. When you say fellowship, is this the alanon fellowship in face 2 face? Everyone can absolutely change but it's important to be working with a sponsor, keeping the focus on how we are effected by others and our own thinking and behaviors, and hitting a minimum of 3 meetings a week because one of the promises of alanon is that repetition of meetings replaces obsession. there are never rules. I just know for me I tried no sponsor and floated until I found one. Today, I sponsor and continue to grow and learn from new sponsees. What a gift that is. Still, I will always have dark times and I will always have dark days. Picture finding a new door inside of us. It isn't like the doors have no space in between them. It's like seeing another door at the end of the hallway. We walk down the hall sometimes in darkness until hp opens a new door for us. I also find for me I feel like i'm in the dark more when i'm keeping something inside that needs to get out. glad you're able to share. Alanon gives us hope because the program is all about change. Changing our past, changing our distorted thinking, changing our patterns that lead us toward doing the same thing over and over and expecting ourselves to wake up one day changed. It's a transformation of our mind which is really the real problem (our own distorted thinking) I love the program. I'm forever a lifer.
I can identify very much right now. I went apartment hunting Saturday & spent the next 3 days crying. I am temporarily living with my parents and I know they think I'm a nut ball at being overwhelmed at picking an apartment, not even on a certain time frame.
Sometime it feels like everything around us for others is so simple & fluid but our minds are racing & replaying the simplest of things. Hang in there... I've come to see
It's a whole lot of "let go & let God"
Peace!
Cathy...I am the same age you are...we are NOT old...just adapting and entering another phase/chapter of our lives..LOL!! I am a firm believer that one must be comfortable in one's own skin and not depend on others for our happiness. Our longest relationship is with ourselves and we all neglect that, focusing WAYYYY too much on others. I am not in a relationship, and neither of my children live near me. I HAVE to rely on myself and I think after so many years with an A (and being so unhappy) I love the freedom and the power to define my own life, day by day...sure I have down days, but that makes the good days just that much sweeter. I guess I just feel like I spent way too long feeling sad and lonely and just don't want to do that any more...
I am with you Jim...