The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The decision has been almost 3 years in the making for me, and in retrospect I think the biggest barrier to me was a feeling of total and utter failure at having TWO failed marriages before I turn 40.
But, nothing is changing, nothing is getting better, and it is increasingly difficult for me to maintain my serenity in the current environment.
I am filling out the paperwork this weekend, and saving it to a secure, hidden, neutrally-titled and password-protected folder on the computer and on my work computer (and my AH uses the home computer MAYBE once every six months anyway). Now that I work in the courthouse, I can literally walk downstairs and file the petition at any time. Everything will be ready to go by Monday, and I will be able to pull the trigger on a moment's notice. I am getting my financial life in order, and will hopefully have a bit of breathing room to finish that before I file, but I'm also not going to wait for the "right time" either. My hope is that my AH will have to leave town for work in the next few weeks, which will make it easier for me to get the finances figured out and get the paperwork filed. I am of course hoping for the best (that we can make a clean break and move forward as co-parents), but fully prepared for the worst (that everything will get very, very ugly very, very quickly).
Thanks, all, for your unending support and feedback. This place, and Al Anon, has truly saved my sanity over the past 2 1/2 years.
Hugs and prayers to you Steph. I know you have agonized over this for quite some time. No matter what happens, you will have peace in knowing that you tried and that you stayed despite all the challenges of living in chaos. Hugs to you today and sending you tons of support!
Tough touch decision, but you sound resolute and determined.. I think that means it is the right thing to do. 3 yrs ago I was where you are now. It is not easy, but really staying in just each day helps alot...and I am happier, more content that I thought I would be. And, dear girl...you will be fine....
Much support to you. Don't label or judge yourself. If I was not gay, I'd be divorced 4 times because that is how many partners I have had over a few years each (lived with). What's the difference really? I learned a great deal about myself through those relationships. All of them are reflections of me and my past. Some times I look back and can't hardly believe it was me with whatever partner during whichever period of time.
I've changed a lot from the person that was in those dysfunctional relationships. That is not a bad thing. It's a good thing. Same for you.
Shame and guilt over what you expected to have happen is a waste of time. I used to feel awful about not giving my kids a 2 parent home, but now that I see them growing up in a pretty stable home without all the chaos of old, I know I made the right decision. We are all thriving and better since getting me and the exAH away from each other. I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Sending many prayers and much support. It takes a huge amount of courage to make changes.
I am constantly working on defining success as moving away from unhealthy and towards healthy. Thank goodness the program is based on progress and not perfection! In support.
Sending love and support, .. I find it's far more peaceful and it IS harder as a single parent .. I get sooo much reward out of it .. my kids are a LOT happier at this point than they were with their dad and I together. It does suck, I certainly didn't get married to raise my kids alone. No doubt about that .. it's far better for them even though it is harder.
It does get better and I find I am soooo much more relaxed .. normally .. LOL!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hugs and prayers to you Stephanie. It is not an easy road and I applaud you. I know your feeling, as this too is my second marriage. I hope not to get to the divorce papers, but I'm watching and learning from all of you. (((Hugs))) Good luck!!
Hugs for you. I am in a similar situation deciding to leave or stay. I have wavered for many years and recently visited with the divorce attorney. It's a tough decision as it is a big step and a lot of change. None of us went into our relationships expecting them to fail. You have to do what is best for yourself and your family. It is so nice to hear that those of you with children are doing well after divorce. That has always been and probably still is my biggest fear. It is so nice to have people who understand what we are going through and have walked that same path before us.
