Was a horrible week last week. Between my guy and me, and the stupid dep sheriff thing.

I am still feeling beat up but better. Did learn a ton. As far as my guy, he texted me asking if he could please call me. So he did Monday afternoon. We talked two hours. I had told him days ago to at least do this, text me something happened I am ok.

Well the dip said to me, well I knew if I did that, they I would need to explain and I didn't know how. gads. engineer brains.

With all my emotions rampant, I saw how very much I do love him, and how I really do trust, have faith and depend on him. He also saw this. Wasn't fun, but it is real.

Suffice it to say some really awful things are going on in the family that he shared with me only. There is no question he has to cont. to stay there. I mean has to. It has nothing to do with the going to be ex AH at all. The goal still stands. There is good reason not to do it now as it affects another family member seriously.

Knowing what I do now,I am proud of him. YOu guys were and are right, he is not ready. But it has nothing to do with what you think. Remember he lived away most the time before, that is not a problem to leave. Especially not anymore. Again, if he did not stay I would not love him as I do.

"I" still feel beat up. But healing. I don't feel the same at all. Those emotions scared me. To love that much, need someone that much is very serious. I found he feels the same about me. I misunderstood, yet he needs to be clear with me.

This brings even more to the statement, relationships take work. NEVER want to feel like that again. Thank goodness I still feel the deep best friendship. I was afraid I lost that too.

Learned it isn't that he does not have emotions, he just does not know what to do with them.I texted him back, it will be ok, I can help you. (as far as him sharing what he needed to) I am super curious and really care. Our conversation went smooth as a pigs tummy. (c:  He says,"I feel so much better! I don't know why, but I do." insert she slugged him then here.

I laughed and laughed. He says I am glad my problems make you so happy! lol lol I cannot explain but it was lots of fun too. You know how we, me raising hand here, can get so bogged in the pain and issues we forget we can be lighthearted too.

Soooo all I know is he is my best bud, the meeting, moving there whatever, will happen what it does. I want to enjoy my life and for him to be in it as he finds himself doing. I really, really was wrong and I am glad.

Funny how dumb and ignorant I can be, who'da thunk it. lol hugs, debilyn

oh my dear, it felt like forever for it to. To have a lifetime with out him was like death to me. Him too. sigh we are hopeless. My mother would have said to me,"You are a pain..." lol that translate to I love you.....

I feel better Rehprof becuz I realized I was right to trust in my manfriend, I was not wrong. If I could not trust him, I felt I could not be mature enough to know if anyone was good. It thru me big time. I learned this stupid charge will be reviewed by the deputy da and it still can be dismissed. I didn't know that.

There was a question I liked on a movie. That when you are serious about someone, ask yourself, would I want to live without them? Meaning can you imagine your life with out them. I like that.

I am sure thinking back that about all or most of the men I dated or had relationships with were A. I had no idea. No wonder I was celibet so many years of my life when I became an adult. I mean they were A and using.

My son is hitting A's all around him. It's hard on him. One got a dui, first one, he is in his fifties. So he cannot drink for a year. He and my son went camping and the banter turned and it made son uncomfortable and he had to tell the guy to knock it off. Did not help much. He told me, I said son he sounds like he is A. Oh mom you think everyone is. Well he has two red flags already, dui and now mentally abusing his friend.

He asks do you think he is A? I said I have no idea but he has some red flags,it does not matter though. We have to choose if we want to be around that type of behavior.

I don't know, I felt sad for son. Then he got a guy a job. son goes to check on him, the guy is drinking a beer on the roof of the house!!! At work!

then he says ya some friends of mine are separating. I said oh, how come. alcohol he says. man what a mess.

I said well maybe he is detoxing. son asks well when that is done will he be better? I said I don't know,everyone is different. Then he says well you are suppose to know all about this Addict stuff! lol lol Like it works like that. I said hey, I finally learned it is more do I choose to be around it, or leave? That can I love/like them even though they drink or whatever? I am not going to change them, not my job and it is their business.

that got him thinking.

He is not A, but his dad is, my ex ah. He said it has to be sad to be fishing and you cannot just have one beer. He thought it was more he could tell the guy he got a job, to get it together. sorry son.

Al Anon has enriched my life in so many ways. I am more relaxed. If there is an A around I am not nervous anymore, can smile at them and maybe inside feel a bit sad. They are people who deserve love just like everyone else. compassion as this disease is horrible.

I am soooo fortunate to be involved with a non A finally. He is my best bud. I will never wonder again. Never. btw he said NO I don't want my life to be without you. (c:

hugz