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I was really thinking that I should call one of my friends from al anon meetings (don't have a sponsor, but I do have a ton of numbers) but we are told to Let go and Let God. My AH in my opinion really needs rehab. He of course will never admit that, but drinking the way he does and yesterday driving drunk (he already had 2 DWI's before we got married, if her gets one again it's 10 yrs or he kills someone or himself) I really don't think AA alone will help him. He needs like serious in patient rehab. Here's my inside conflict...if we let go and let God, let the disease consume him but not me...how can we guide our A's to rehab. Isn't that forcing a solution on them? Like interventions...they are making the addict chose between the drug or a clean life...but isn't that forcing them to do it? Not letting go and let God...confused????
You're right -- we can't lead our A's to rehab. It's not that we shouldn't, it's that we can't. It simply doesn't work. People do try interventions. Often that gets the person to start rehab, but the success rate is even lower than normal. It's the old "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." They have to want to from the inside before it will start taking hold. People try interventions because they often figure the A is so far gone that it doesn't hurt to try everything possible. And then we know we've tried everything.
From my experience, the influence that works best is to get our own recovery, and then to let them experience the consequences of their decisions. Then sometimes they decide they don't want to live that terrible life any more. That's where of course we can say, "I support your idea to go to rehab." Or "If AA is enough support for you, that's wonderful; if not, I'd support your choice to go to rehab." That's about as much influence as we'll ever have. That's the way I understand it.
The "interventions" you see are usually with people who have already expressed some willingness to recovery at least in the form of verbalizing "I am so sick of drinking/using." If the addict/alcoholic is not even there yet, they will think you are crazy for even suggesting rehab. People go to rehabs often when both factiors are present 1) they see they have a huge problem and 2) no other options are really going to kick start their sobriety. (They are too addicted to stop with AA alone).
In our household, my husband entered an intensive outpatient rehab when he was told to move out, lived on his own and realized I was doing well without him; but I had not expectations that he would stop his addictions. It was because of my recovery in al anon that I had the strength to tell him to leave and then live without him. I knew an ultimatum would not work, as I had already exhausted those attempts...my motivation was my health, not his and I truly did let go and let God and was peaceful with my choices.
I watched my son get two DUI's. I watched my son drunk for two weeks straight and thought he would die any minute. I sat in hospitals with my son on a respirator not knowing his he would be alive the next day. Anyone of the many falls he took could have killed him. There was nothing I could do.
I had to take the focus off him and put it on me or I would go insane. I let go and let God take over for me.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I listened to a young person explain their battle with addiction and it was heart breaking and the bottom line was until they decided they needed AND wanted help nothing changed. They are still struggling and not working a clean program .. it's getting better they still haven't made the commitment to really get clean. This is someone who has been in rehab 2x that I'm aware of, until they get to that point that they REALLY are desperate to get better .. nothing will change.
Sure you can push someone into rehab, beg, plead, bargin and so on .. nothing will change until they HOW the program .. they get HONEST, have OPENMINDEDNESS, have WILLINGNESS to do ANYTHING. As much as we have to admit we are powerless over someone else's addiction .. they have to admit they are powerless over alcohol, drugs, whatever and their life has gotten unmanageable.
If you haven't I hope you will get to a meeting in your area .. nothing changes .. nothing changes!! The only thing I can change is ME .. no one else .. I am no one else's higher power.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You received great ESH just wanted to send you some love and support! Take care fo yourself and get to all the meetings you can, call your al-anon friends anytime you need them, I love when al-anoners call me.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
