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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A Visit From My Husband
Post Info TOPIC: A Visit From My Husband
wornoutmrsfixit


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A Visit From My Husband
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The alcoholic has been in control for quite a while but I had gotten about a weeks worth of messages from the person I remember so I finally answered and we talked for about an hour. He said that he was sorry for blaming me and that he was the cause of his problems and many other things that are true and rational but never heard from him. Unfortunately, the next night the alcoholic was back and the husband has gone away again. Since then, the sadness has been overwhelming almost to the point of feeling like I've lost my breath. When the alcoholic is who I deal with, there is anger and disgust so it's easier to be apart but when it's the person underneath that you miss, it's much harder. Trying to look at the bright side and realize that somewhere in there between AA, Therapy and his family practicing Al anon, the truth is sinking in even if we don't often see it.



-- Edited by wornoutmrsfixit on Monday 27th of May 2013 01:25:30 AM

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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Debilyn


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I remember this honey. I gleaned all I could from the real one. Over time he went away more and more to the point my very loved husband was all gone, and I never saw or heard from him again.

You bet it hurts horrible. I mean what a nightmare to see the body of the person you love but they are not there? For me I accepted he was dead. I say I am a widow. This way it made sense to me for the reason I still loved him. But he is dead.

Same old drill do for you even if you feel nothing. If you are fortunate and have people who love you, go to them. Let them help your heart heal.

 



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MeTwo2


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I love your line of: somewhere in there between AA, Therapy and his family practicing Al anon, the truth is sinking in even if we don't often see it.

Even when they are using, the truth of their lies and behaviors festers within. Eventually it gets harder for them to look in the mirror. It might just reach the breaking point to where they can no longer live with themselves eventually and the truth of the Guilt, Shame, Lies, Manipulation, Blaming, Lack of Accountability, Abandonment, and you name it might just finally catch up with them; After all they are Only human. They are Not the little Gods they act like who run around calling all the shots, etc.. Thanks for sharing this. It's another small twist in perception.




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yanksfan51


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Mrs. Fixit:

I love your description of A and husband as two people; last night I saw a friend from high school and caught her up on what had been happening in my marriage for 20 yrs.  Some of the situations I was describing to her, I could see in her face that she was trying to comprehend that this was actually my husband who she knew, that was capable of the craziness I was describing.  It was cathartic for me to hear myself and see the situation through her eyes.

It can be devastating to get a glimpse of the person we know and love (often just long enough to start believing you could have a life again), then the A comes back and takes over.  I guess we have all been there more than once and it can really do a number on us.

You sound strong and I know you are in a place where you can truly take care of yourself so make sure you keep doing that.

YF



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Jen61


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You are so right about two people. So hard and so sad. Take care.

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el-cee


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I can relate. I've had glimmers of hope. My ex a even apologised in a way that suggested realisation and truth but it lasted 5 mins. At the weekend I met my ex and he sounds brilliant, he's talking. Aa, says he's feeling much better, he's trying to get to the bottom of his disease. I'm wary though because our relationship

had a pattern to it and iI would be terrified to slip back into that again. Too much water under the bridge although it's comfortable to be with him, maybe too comfortable.



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