Hi, Mary: Welcome to the board. We mostly offer our experience, strength and hope (E/S/H) with each other and no advice. I will tell you something I heard at a conference from a long-term recovering alcoholic who is now a therapist working with other alcoholics that what goes on in a non-recovering As head as we are talking is something like this: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't have money, booze(or drugs), or something else I want, I don't have time for you." The suggestion of this therapist for family (and perhaps friends) was this: Let them know you love them. They have a disease that you hope they get help for in AA/NA.

I do hope that you will find an Alanon group near you to attend face to face(F2F) meetings and stay on this board, too. You sound like a very caring person who has now had experience with the disease, too, that affects all of us whether we drink or not. Much encouragement to you to learn more about alcoholism and to attend meetings with others who have had the same questions you do now. Even being friends with an alcoholic is a qualifier for membership in Alanon for families and friends who care about or love people struggling with alcoholism. My best to you.