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As you are aware, my abusive alcoholic BF is still working out of town. I am safe for the moment. For that I Thank God and for his protection! He left on Monday and has been texting and phoning me daily. Its driving me nuts! I feel so angry still from the beating! I am having a hard time letting go! Two days ago, I let him have it on the phone and was screaming at him and hold him how much I hate his guts and that I am telling someone about the abuse. He said do not dare as he will end up back in jail and loose contact with his children (3)and loose his job. He began begging me to not say anything to anyone. He says this is our issue and we can fix it. He says I have already painted him a bad light to family and frends and we need to patch things up. In my anger I told him that if he comes near me I will call the police. He is on 2 years probation for the last assualt on me and a 2 year no contact order, yet I have allowed him back in my home. He is now at work and is expected to return next wed everning. I need to set up a safety plan. I told him that I am afraid of him as he will kill me! He just laughed at me saying that I am over exagerating. He blames everthing on me constantly and I can no do anything right for him. I am feeling so angry today and used by this insane man! The more I read on this board the stronger I am feeling and I have been praying to my higher power a lot to give me the strenght to leave this out of control situation. Since he has been gone, I have been so happy! I feel my sanity returning but the moment I have any contact with him I feel like I am going crazy! he twists words around so badly I do not not know what is true anymore! He keeps telling me I am crazy and insane and that I am the one that needs help not him. I feel I am dealing with someone with a serious mental health issue! He talks and talks constantly about his grand plans that he does nothing about. It drives me crazy hearing all that nonsense! All he does is talk, talk and there is no action behind it! I can not tolerate his behaviors anymore. I want out of this nightmare! He has now convienced me that everthing will be good! I do not see how that is possible when he is doing absolutly nothing to help himself. The good news is he is court ordered to get a domestic violence assessment complete and counselling next month . He is so angry, as he is not abusive and I was the one that caused the abuse and that it was not that bad. He honestly believes there is nothing wrong with him and that its me and everyone's fault. He is always right and that if only he was listened to, his views, opinion, direction all will be well. He is very sick and the more I read on this baord, the more I am discusted by his behavior and my need to be with someone as sick as him. What is wrong with me? I had to let this go so I can get this sick secret out! Thanks for being here!
There is nothing WRONG with you. There is something dangerous about your husband and your isolation. Call a Domestic Assault Shelter for advice and shelter if you can get it! Don't wait until he gets back. He's calling and texting because he's controlling you in that way. Your talk is basically about him! What about you? Now isn't the time to analyze why he does what he does or why you do what you do. You can sort that all out in therapy later, but for now you have to find a way to protect yourself and I'm not so sure that telling him he can't come into the house will do it. If you have children, they are being abused in a situation like this just by your being abused and scared and all the other feelings that come in situations like this. I suspect he will come home early to check on you. For your own safety, please contact people close to you who are set up to help you out of this threatening situation and if you have children - your children, too. You are worth much, much more than you know, dear sister. Please save your life by getting help now in a place close to you.
I don't know you or your husband or the entire situation, but I do believe everything you are saying here about your experiences and your fears. I'm taking you very, very seriously and trust that you will use your anger to help yourself and your children. It isn't going to change your husband. It can help you find the practical and skilled assistance of people who are trained and set up to counsel, guide and/or protect you. I've been in a situation similar to yours and although I made changes, the abuse stopped when I told people about the abuse who could truly help me. There are some things that are bigger than we are that we can't handle by ourselves and from what you've written, this is one of those bigger than you things. I'm very concerned for you because of what you are saying has happened and is happening to you. If you have to leave your house and your stuff behind to go to a Domestic Assault shelter, that is stuff that could be reclaimed or repurchased later. There is nothing more valuable or important than your life and the life of your children.
Joker...you violated the court ordered RO and need to get it reset. That will take getting your story even further out in the open...Good thing is that you have run out of fear and can use that anxiety and anger to do the right thing. He violated probation...call his probation officer and tell him what has happened. It is not your responsibility to protect him from the consequences of his choices that is enabling to the enth degree and a large NO NO. He did was was necessary to earn his consquences...don't stand in the way of that.
Your fear that he might kill you is justified and you also need to let the probation department and judge know that. I am a former Alternatives to Violence mens' case manager. The more he realizes that he can get around the consequences and continue to blame others you and others are in danger. Get to work and stop communicating with him cause that drives you crazy. You're afraid not to and you're ready to change that. Look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and call to find out where and when we meeting in your area so that you can come sit with us and get some real support. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
