The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been a member of Al-Anon for a few years now. I cannot say that I have mastered any part of it. But I do try hard at not letting things bother me that I cannot control. However, it is still a constant struggle. My partner of 6 years began AA 3 years ago. She is 15 months sober as of two days ago ( so she says). I am proud of her. I guess I am just kinda waiting for the shoe to drop. For her to trip, or fall off the wagon. It is a struggle to keep my mind out of the "what if's". She recently proposed to me. I said yes. So now we are engaged. I was soooo happy...... at first.... I can easily forget that I fell in love with an alcoholic. I did not know and was not informed that she was an alcoholic at first. I just thought she was a heavy drinker.
I know I am rambling, Thanks for hanging in there and reading this far. I guess I am just having a rough day with the "what if's".....
And to be totally candid, I really wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life with an alcoholic. I mean, I am not an alcoholic, but as it is right now, I do not drink because it is "to hard" for her to watch, or to smell it on me. I do not drink often when I do drink. It is just all the things that seems to be different now, well they just add up sometimes.
We do not get invited to parties or gatherings because some of our friends are drinkers and they just feel it is easier to exclude us than it is to include us.
Aloha and welcome to the board Jodie it's good to have you here in the family...we have more than enough chairs. "What ifs"...I am a past master at what iffin when I was a newbie...I could what if till the cows come home and I didn't even live on a farm...LOL. It kept me second guessing myself and everything else days on end and so ...no progress...I didn't grow and then I got a very good sponsor who worked with me on keeping balance. I learned two important things very well. 1. The only expected response from a newbie without acceptance is another why. 2. In order to stay in balance; if I'm gonna "what if" I am also going to have to "what if not". Rocket Science from a sponsor working himself up thru the steps. Today I don't do either...what if or what if not because my HP works on the outcomes I do what is required of me...HP does outcomes. That works when I work it and has for a long time and I'm just not about to relapse in it.
As for marrying an alcoholic when I was sure I shouldn't and didn't believe in my gut that she would stop while we were married...I did that and she didn't stop while we were married and in a very short time I lost everything I had to the disease...everything including the desire to live. Then I lost the desire to want to keep participating the way I was and found Al-Anon and lost the insanity. Finally.
"When in doubt...Don't" was the very bestest slogan given to me by my sponsor Don.T (really). If I have any doubt what so every about a very very important issue and what to do with or about it...I don't do anything until I add...sponsor, program, reading, time and for sure HP. The miracle of the program for me is when I learned how to do it that way I've lost the habit of remorse, resentment and reaction (hey...3Rs...LOL)...You can have Don's gift to me...use it as you need to. Work the program when you need to rather than as you just have to...outcomes are better. ((((hugs)))) Keep coming back for sure.
When I first started this journey the "what ifs" were killing me. I go back on my old posts and there were so many with the what if in them I can't believe I was that way. Reading this made me think...WOW I haven't had a what if in weeks. Not sure what happen but with a good program in place so many things have just gone away.
Now I'm not saying I won't have them pop up from time to time and with my tools in place and God in my pocket I can enjoy my day....one day at a time.
I can't give you much in the way of ESH about marrying a A because my qualifier is my son, but I can say trust your heart and HP and the answer will come.
Take care and keep coming back because you are not alone in this
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
