The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I seem to attract people in to my life who like me because I am a good listener but who seem to somewhat erase me in a sense. I feel erased often. Even when in talking with people they seem to not give me eye contact but they give it to others. I don't know why this is happening. I also notice that I tend to react quickly when someone writes me something on the computer...I feel the need to write back quickly and I worry they will be upset if I don't write back quickly or they will think I am ignoring them.
I also come up with really great ideas and I notice that my friends seem to get inspiration from me and then they copy it and it is like my idea gets no credit.
I notice that some people just totally let things slide off their backs and I stew and worry about it. I feel really lonely and lost a lot. I want to have frienships that are healthy and not a replay of my childhood.
How can I use the program in this situation?
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
Hi Daisy
You just described me. I have actually thought, am I invisible? Is my voice crazy soft and I am the only one who can hear it? That is how I feel in many work situations.
And the annoyance w emails, yet need to respond Asap,, i do that too!
When I feel that way now, I try to stay calm, and not react, take a deep breath, keep it simple and try to remember that what others think of me is not my business.
Keep reading and sharing. It works.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, it seemed critical to sometimes become invisible to avoid unnecessary conflict and harm. Sometimes because of other's drama, I just felt invisible.
My learned pattern intensified with age and long term exposure during a long-term unhealthy marriage. I became so used to being invisible that it went into overdrive and happened even when situations "didn't call for it."
Working the Alanon program, I am starting to feel less invisible- by stepping out of my comfort zones, setting and sticking with boundaries, boosting confidence and self esteem, and being true to myself. It takes time to regain presence and a voice... that and a lot of practice. Stick with the facts and keep things simple. Keep the focus on myself. If I want to get someone's attention, I give a huge smile and say "hi".
I have felt like this before especially while living with my ex ah. but now thanks to alanon and probably reaching my 40s I don't really care that much about what people think. I like 'what other people think of me is none of my business' whether they give me eye contact or not it's usually more to do with them than me.
You are definitely not alone on this one, and humble enough to acknowledge is awesome! At times, I like being invisible, as I can sit back and observe and not be expected to be involved in other people's crazy. I have also learned to be discerning about what I share to whom. Al anon has been invaluable in helping me to learn what is and isn't a healthy relationship, then from there, I make desicions about who and where I choose to spend my time and I try to not have expectations from anyone. I slip often, get disappointed, then quickly come back to my program; through my own inventory I can figure out where/why I slipped. People do what people do..thanks for the post
1. "Let it Begin With Me" - you're already doing this, to some extent, by posting about this here. Another idea might be - regarding the computer responses - is to invoke a time limit before you respond to anything (within reason, of course)
2. Affirmations - with respect to the eye contact, dismissiveness, etc.... I always think the best way we can gain the respect we want, is to first respect/love ourselves.... Daily affirmations are a great tool to move along the path towards this. Tell yourself something positive and/or that you like about yourself, each and every day (and try not to color it with any "yeah buts")....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hmmm... my ESH... it looked like you were telling my story- from within...
